Thread 43 - GCSE Covid Cohort ..November 22 Remember Remember

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had

Previous Thread

Oh dear Zebra. When will you speak to her next? What will you say? Are you able to gently explain the above, in a way she might tolerate?

@Heifer DS's GF got them matching PJ bottoms, then somehow they muddled them up and his were looking decidedly figure hugging! I think she got them from ASOS, in this style but a different design - these dinosaur ones are in sale

www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-lounge-pyjama-bottoms-with-dinosaur-print-in-black/prd/200296323?clr=black&colourWayId=200296325&cid=16332

Your personalised pillow cases made me think of the rather alarming mushions DSs both got their GFs - firebox.com/mushions-personalised-face-cushions

@Zebracat sorry to hear about the latest drama. It is so stressful to be young!

I hear you on the way you feel. It is draining. I feel like this constantly about DS1...

@Zebracat sorry to hear this news. I do think that the mix-and-match courses require students to be self-starters and very resilient, as there is not always a cohort doing the same combinations so it is much harder to feel that you are operating within a clear, safe structure. It is a huge transition from 3 A levels in a school sixth form. I also think that now is the time when they have all come down from the highs of joining Uni, meeting new people etc, and are coming to terms with their new routines. Hopefully mini-zebra will be able to look past how she is currently feeling and stick it out, otherwise it does sound like it would be out of the fat and into the fire.

@Heifer the Pringles Advent calendar was from B&M.

@Monkey2001 Oh don't worry, when I said personalised pillow cases - I just meant these www.next.co.uk/style/ls230551/p66112#p66112 nothing scary like your link ;-) I used to buy from Firebox 25/30 years ago when I loved to entertain with dinner parties and BBQs, will be taking a look later ....

@Zebracat so sorry, things never seem easy for you. I absolutely love Piggys comment though - as far as I'm concerned she has just won the internet today with saying she hears you.

@EspeciallyD thanks I will look out for that.

@Zebracat oh you must be so frustrated, it does sound very much like she's feeling rejected and running away. At this age they just don't want to listen to use, what would we know hey?! I hope you find a way to reach her and make her understand and keep going.

Loving the calendar ideas, DS isn't a chocolate fan so was trying to think of some other ideas. I don't want to spend a fortune on one though. The Pringles one couldn't be ore perfect for DS2 though, I'm going to have to see if I can find one in our local B&M.

Whenever you like a boy, and they don't reciprocate, and then they go out with your friend, worse still flatmate, that hurts. Deep.

Plus emotionally, I suspect all our dc are already starting to, and will continue to do so over the next 6 months, discover that not all friends are as they first appeared.

For the first two months of university it's all been exciting,freshers, making friends. Probably making friends with people you'd actually don't have that much in common and now that is starting to become apparent. So they'll be more and more building of proper friendships and contra more and more filtering of the dregs you probably shouldn't have been friends with in the first place.

So, zebra dd can thus hopefully easily make friends with a dd who finds herself a bit friend-lacking, as this other dd will be someone's cast-off. (harsh bykwim).

I have text ds, to say : When you do sort out a house for year 2, please let me have a look at the contract before you actually sign, I don't want you to be stung later.

Lord knows whether he will actually show me. But at least I can prove I asked.

Oh dear @Zebracat what an emotional rollercoaster. Your advice sounds spot on. I have someone in my life who experienced trauma in children and even now in middle age their first response to issues is to want to run away. They're always questioning the decisions they've made and it's exhausting. I often want to tell them to just get on with it, the grass isn't greener on the other side etc etc, but I try to be supportive, encourage one day at a time.

Dd is thinking about houses now and I can't work out whether inclusive or exclusive of bills is better - there seems to be both options in Nottingham. Does anyone have any idea what bills cost students now per week?

@Zebra You are her rock. She's floundering in the still early days of university and hopefully will make good choices. I hope you have some time for yourself.

Agree with @Oblomov22. There will a shake down of friendships across the board.

Thanks to a convenient work trip I'm currently sitting in Rutland with DS. It's so quiet in here - my uni hall was never ever quiet. No signs of damp @Oblomov22 but his room is far too warm even though he hasn't closed the window since he moved in. I've made him book an appointment with student welfare and now we're off to Spoons for dinner. We've also been discussing accomodation for next year. One friend he was going to look with has decided to book a studio flat on Jubilee campus. That is way out of price range for DS. He's not sure what he's going to do but may look at staying in uni accomodation as it feels like a safe option.

@Zebracat - what @EwwSprouts said. You really are your girls rock. Apparently it's wobble week. Is there any uni wobble week advice she can access?

Oh, @Zebracat, sorry to hear that. And other wobbles. DD seems OK and is looking into booking train home for Christmas. No talk yet about housing!

@Zebracat oh I know what you mean about the drain on yourself. I'm managing DD step by step at the moment - from reminding her to have breakfast, planning her meals, scheduling her work. It is exhausting. She too has not made friends yet, so has no one to talk to at uni.

Hope yours manages to find her way.

I’m sorry to hear about the wobbles; this first term can throw up so much stuff for them especially when they’ve missed experiences with covid. It’s a lot to suddenly cope with

Thank you all for the lovely messages. I feel a huge amount of guilt because you will all keep going with your kids through thick and thin, but I am going to step back from this. I m not going to let her move back here. It feels awful, but I am so so tired of it all, and I am Sick and I can predict exactly how it will go from here, and none of it good, so it will be up to her Dad. I think reality biting is the best I can give her right now.

Glad you are there with him Mummy.

I am absolutely certain there will be no judgement on this thread @Zebracat , from everything you have posted it is clear that you have gone above and beyond to support her and if it is right to step back then so be it.

@Seeline I'm sorry you are having to give so much support too, I have not had to give emotional support to DS but an awful lot of practical support and it really is draining.

@Zebracat that must be so difficult and such a tough decision to come to. No judgment here. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best.

DS wants to sign the contact on new house next week! 8 of them sharing, £95 per week including bills. Can’t see anything about a fair usage policy but they do have a negligent usage policy instead so hoping that should be ok. Oddly, the tenancy starts 01/07 but they don’t get the keys until 01/09 and we have to pay half rent for those two months. Thought it sounded a bit dodgy but all of the places on the website DS sent us said the same thing.
The website is unihomes.co.uk

@Zebracat None of us has walked in your shoes.

Oh @Zebracat you sound so worn out , sometimes it is better to force issues and step back.🍂