Thread 39 - Covid Cohort - Our Adult Children Now Post 18

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

@BlueMarigold hiya - enjoy the shopping trip

We're topping up DS to the maximum loan with a little assistance from his grandparents. I think that gives him £100 for self catering and the rest of it, term time only. He knows he needs a summer job and has been at work today.

We think he has a room number now. They didn't label it as such but his accommodation contract has a code!

Got a moving in time of 4.30 on 18th. Just booked a nice room in a pub for the 2 of us. Quite excited to have a night away with no other people or animals.

Our girl gets very tired and needs lots of sleep. She is anaemic and low in vitamin D. Trying to let her be responsible for her health, by not fussing. If we worry, they don’t have to sort of thing.
I have severe arthritis, waiting for a hip replacement at present. It is so not fun. And people assume that it is self inflicted, I’m really overweight now because I can’t walk more than 50 yards, used to be really active, often have people suggest, kindly, that I need to eat less and move more. Grrr. So much sympathy for others also dealing with this stuff. I’m definitely going to focus on self care once term starts.
We still have youngest ds at home, saving for a deposit. Nearly 2 years now. I so wish I’d said double the rent and saved half of it for him, because he is not saving despite being a high earner. He’s always got an excuse. Iam putting half his modest board away, but it will take years at this rate and might just get swallowed up in fuel bills.

I’ve had my hips replaced zebra, fingers crossed you get your op soon, the pain relief was tremendous. It’s blinking hard to exercise when you can feel scraping with every movement and pain is so tiring. I understand orthopaedics are catching up on the waiting list now?

Oh thanks @ chewbacca. I was going to put that I could feel the bones scraping, but thought it sounded over dramatic. I can tho and It is grim .Only diagnosed last week, despite being in a state for over a year, so still waiting to hear how long. Consultant did say it was very bad though, so might bump me up the list a bit.

@EwwSprouts wow! You’ve got a contract - really hoping we get something today as want to know if sharing bathroom or en suite for shopping trip. Might have buy stuff for both option and then take back.

I need to get organised. We haven’t even sorted out her student bank account yet. We also need bedding and kitchen supplies and baskets for the shelves.

We pay the accommodation and he uses (minimum) loan for everything else (this was a MN thing three years ago so didn't really come up with that all by ourselves!), including meal plan. He also gets a £1000 pa Scholarship. No helpful grandparents here, which always makes me a bit sad. One set are very nice and always give money for birthdays etc but the others are on a spectrum from deceased to a bit instant to... wait? I have grandchildren??

Our joint income probably means he would just about get slightly more than the minimum loan but all the paperwork (DH's income has changed in last tax year) wasn't worth it for the tiny amount extra.

@Fruitygal We know a family with dcs privately educated who did not bother with student loans as the tuition fees plus living expenses were still less than the school fees had been….

I did ask this but at the very end of the last thread- has anyone used colour catcher sheets in the washing machine? If so do they actually do what they claim?

@Decorhate I think she’d already committed in her mind at least to spending the 12-14k saving on paying school fees each year on holidays and clothes! 😂

@Piggywaspushed a scholarship is a lovely bonus! Grandparents are a blessing but they maybe able to only offer love and time not financial support.

Off to IKEA this morning! (Sainsburys, wilkos and possibly John Lewis) DH is only aware of IKEA 😂😂😂

DS gets maximum loan as my salary is dreadful and DH has a sickness pension. His accommodation isn’t that expensive especially with shorter terms so he should be left with about £100 a week and he is very frugal (ie tight)! We will pay phone and sports membership, gym is free except for induction and he should qualify for bursary too. He’s also got his earnings - got £234 for his two days of mystery shopping and he did lifeguarding during year 13. My parents died many years ago but DH parents are amazing grandparents and have bought him a college sports gilet already and have given him a lovely lump sum ‘for emergencies’. Luckily we are mortgage free now as DH lump sum paid that off but our house is starting to cost money - we’ve been here 21 years and stuff needs doing.

@NCTDN not sure about colour catchers?

Thanks @Fruitygal , he is weeing a lot. I said about diabetes and she said he had been tested for that in Feb. She's so desperate to get him to the GP that she has spoken to her ex who is also incredibly worried about him but he is refusing to be seen.

@Zebracat my sympathies. Physio says I need a hip replacement but will need to lose some weight to get on the list. 4 years ago I could run 10k so to struggle to walk down the road is a bit of a shock.

@Volterra if it’s weeing a lot then he needs to be seen asap very diabetic presentation - I’d put him in the car and take him to drs without saying where he is going - I know they are big people not kids but it’s nuts not too

@Zebracat - DFIL who is in his 80s developed hip problems (both hips) a couple of years ago during peak Covid. He used to walk miles every day and it was really pretty sudden. He has had both done this year, one in March and one in July and once the process got started it was all pretty quick with good recovery. @Volterra another family member is in the same position, needs a hip replacement but been told to lose weight, his is a very long term and significant weight issue. Hard when you can’t exercise properly though.

NCTDN, I’ve read elsewhere that colour catcher sheets need to go into mesh laundry bags in the machine, otherwise they can block them.
Sainsbury’s sell mesh veg bags that do the job and are a lot cheaper than an actual laundry bag.

278Newnames, yes, we only have DD and DS, so our nest is emptying all at once. The silence will be deafening. 😱

BlueMarigold, when is your DD moving in to halls? We’ve booked the 17th and the plan is to move her in, stay nearby overnight and take her shopping for food and anything else the next day.
We haven’t sorted bank accounts or most of the stuff she needs to take with her, and her DSA stuff still hasn’t been ordered because the supplier is working in strict order and is incredibly busy.

@Fruitygal , DH is T1 so immediately she said it rang alarm bells. I think that it might be more at night though as he said he is now only going twice a night now and she said he has been tested for diabetes a few months ago. The weight loss is possibly in part due to him being obsessed with weight training. She is besides herself with worry but he won’t even discuss it with her anymore and she has tried to get him to GP and his Dad has and he is point blank refused. I’ll suggest not telling him where they are going, thanks. So difficult when they won’t at this age.

@EspeciallyDivided it gets into a vicious circle and so frustrating as have always exercised to lose weight previously. I mentioned here before and several people had the same situation which was an eye opener, took Prostap before an op and put on 33lbs in 11 weeks straight after it. Have now hit menopause and weight does come off but at a snail’s pace. New house is much better as sleeping downstairs but still have an upstairs to keep leg muscles working!

@ealingwestmum I wonder if your relative lives near us. We are Norfolk/Suffolk border. Actually in Suffolk though and school is Suffolk.

@Fruitygal not many weekenders in our village though.

Thanks all for the financial info - hope you didn't think I was being nosy. I was just trying to way up in my mind if I was tight! I had it in my mind that we would top up whatever loan DD received to the max. But when I worked it out, after paying for accommodation it means that DD would receive £67 per week whilst at Uni (only 31 weeks). Considering she is catered, I pay her mobile phone, and will pay sports membership, ball costs & books etc I thought that was a lot and suggested she didn't need that amount... She didn't agree (what a surprise) After reading your comments I've spoken to DH who didn't think it was an excessive amount as everything is so expensive these days.

I have explained though that I won't be paying whilst she is at home so she will have to save some to cover holidays. She will need to work Easter & Summer for sure! She said she wanted to go travel but I explained she would have to earn the money first or go to Camp America, get paid and travel after..

Bottom line is that I want her to have fun, have enough to live on, but not take the mickey either. I don't want to be eating banana sandwiches whilst she is eating out).

DD still hasn't really engaged re uni and is almost ignoring the fact she is going in approx 20 days... She has been thinking about what she needs to buy though..
I really don't paint her in a good light, she is actually lovely and works so hard once started.

Oh another £ question. How much do you think your DD/DS will spend during Welcome Week?

I'm another one who plans to have some self improvements once DD goes off to uni. I really need to lose weight and get fitter (name gives it away). Need check up at docs, eyes, everything I've been putting off. Have struggled with menopausal anxieties which I need to get a grip off and push through again. I have plenty of free time really as only work part time, but have just gotten lazy.

Ha I expect DS's Welcome Week spends will be mostly club nights and booze plus the odd kebab. He does like a night out.

I need to sort my eyes out and admit that I need varifocals whether I like it or not. Currently wearing a pair of cheap half moon reading glasses over the top of my normal glasses which is not a good look.