Thread 39 - Covid Cohort - Our Adult Children Now Post 18

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

I'm trying to decide whether to buy a double mattress topper for a single bed so it can last longer inc;luding when DS moves on to a shared house in 2nd yr. We bought double duvet and sheets for ds1 for his single bed and it worked really well. I'm just not sure about getting a double topper wether it will tuck round the bed properly or it'll look ridiculous?

I think 🤔 there are so many different circumstances- I think the energy crisis is going to have a major impact even on the comfortable ….. many people with min loan are not swimming in money and many don’t realise that full loans are not available to most. We were aware from year 7 and planned but we are lucky we could do this.

I can’t believe that a man who’s divorced his wife is off the hook for uni costs makes no sense. Friend divorced her husband and then remarried him when kids graduated! Multiple birth family .. …. It was the easiest way to get support ……… I was stunned!

Thanks for this. Just need to find the letter now!

Kids pay prescriptions from 19 but some uni doctors are generous with prescriptions. DS1 given 90 days supply of Hayfever specialist meds on a single prescription so 1/3 of normal cost

@278Newnames no mortgage here either. Dh sold his farm in 2017. Retired. Bought 4 properties to rent out (in Norfolk so not massive rental income) so he is asset rich, but we don't have a lot of disposable income. I just googled average Uk salary and between us our joint income is just over average salary for one person as I also own a property. (Though googles average salary seems quite high) A lot of people think we are rich and to many I guess we are. But no mortgage makes a huge difference and makes us very fortunate.

Bloody hell, divorce and remarriage is a bit extreme!

Thinking further but it’s a long time ago, we did support DSC through uni. We never worked out how much youngest DSC got in loan/grant but just contributed a monthly amount. Basically what the maintenance was we just transferred to her instead of paying her mum. In retrospect she must have been loaded!

That is truly outrageous! @Fruitygal

@icanbewhatiwant yes we feel very fortunate to be paying it off now. and it will be a massive comfort. But we’ve also been there paying maintenance for two DSC with two of ours in childcare, and repaying massive negative equity that DH came with. Life hasn’t always been so fortunate.

Each person has to do what they can afford and what’s culturally and child appropriate. Each child different. Each family different - and this year and next will get crazy and tricky for most.

My DD has to share my car and so no crazy insurance to pay. Oldish phone so sim only. mine know there is no extra money so if they mess up with budgeting they use the overdraft and with to pay it off.

Mine is buying all the decor stuff for her room we buy the essentials and has had pressies of things like that for last couple of birthdays.

Heads up - There is money available through student Union and main uni grants ( don’t have to pay back) at all unis. I know Durham do something and there’s even grants at Oxford for those living in Norfolk ?!? And other random reasons.

*not with … should be work

@Shimy I bought double bedding for ds2's shared house, I didn't view it with him but he said it was a double. On arrival he realises it was a king size. So nothing fitted it 🙈

@Fruitygal why do people from Norfolk get a grant. Are we poorer than anyone else? That's one I never heard of. Not that we actually live in Norfolk. We live in Suffolk but the border is only a couple of miles away and obv aren't going to Oxford.

@Shimy mattress toppers - never bought one for DSs just a protector … so can’t advise - divorce and remarriage was a shock especially as they didn’t seem that devious😜.

Friend has both her DSs at private day school and was saying at a BBQ last week how much better off they would be once DS1 starts uni next year. Realised they didn’t know they didn’t get a loan for everything. Only person in their wider family had got full loan as their dad was retired on small pension.

I waited until they were on their 3rd drink to break it to them. She cried …….I think she’d mentally spent the money

@Monkey2001 thanks for the recommendation - friend who has a PhD and rates education sends them a money gift for A levels and degree so she wants to get something tangible.

@Shimy I'm hoping a double mattress topper works on a single bed as dd is taking one we already had. I'm thinking it can be double the thickness?

www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/fees-and-funding/oxford-support

palgrave brown scholarship … includes Suffolk @icanbewhatiwant ! Who knows why 😂

www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/fees-and-funding/oxford-support/palgrave-brown-uk-scholarship

£5500 per year for 3-4 years

@Fruitygal I haven't heard of that. Thanks. I will ask Ds if anyone he knows is going to Oxford. I don't think they are though. He knows of someone going to Cambridge as did one ds1's friends. I think Cambs is favourable here as closer.

@DontCallMeBaby hi mum with one with low B12 too! Should be checked after supplementation with B12 and repeated regularly to see if goes up and stays there. I insisted DS got B12 injections as went on for 18 months and exams were looming. Lots of tests and fab diet so no obvious reading or low B12 cause and coeliac ruled out with crohns early.

Need to circumvent the digestive system if diet high in b12 and levels in blood remain low as not being absorbed by the body via that route so supplements won’t work through that route either.

I love the stuff you find Fruitygal, going to send to my SIL who also lives Suffolk/Norfolk borders. Constantly ramming political stuff such as disadvantage down my face when she thinks she’s so clever to have moved from London to live there at weekends, delusional thinking that the locals don’t know they are really ‘townies’ because their acting is so good.

I’m a 60’s immigrant brought up by a mother who had never worked until she was widowed when I was 5. I think we all got to know disadvantage quite quickly, but we smile for the locals when we visit, as SIL thinks they may not have seen a brown face before (her words).

This is not my impression of lovely Suffolk/Norfolk folk I must add!

@Volterra try and persuade friend just to take child to drs as that’s really concerning.

Assuming toilet is for bowels not bladder issues. So many kids get diagnosed with crohns/coeliac with this profile.

Test needed is just poo in a pot to be sent off not invasive cameras in first instance. Name of test is faecal calprotectin - tests for inflammation. Plus tTG blood test for coeliac disease.

if weeing a lot with tiredness and weight loss then test for diabetes needed asap.

@ealingwestmum might have visited that neck of the woods very recently ….stayed in a beautiful place my friend owns where there were lots of weekenders … 😂😂

DD excited ….. IKEA tomorrow plus other shops DH is not aware of yet.

Was out with friends today but back for dinner and chill out tonight - says the uni college chats are fun - lots of pet photo sharing ?!?

We have paid off our mortgage too - most of our friends upsized to 4+ bed houses when the DCs were younger, we stayed put in our 3 bed terrace and got the mortgage paid off early by overpayment because we thought we might have to fund DS at special school, after an 18 month slog I did manage to get it funded via EHCP but then used the money we'd budgeted for it to send DD to private school. Now she has opted for college for A levels that puts us back in the comfort zone again. However DH runs a business and it has its ups and downs, its ok at the moment but there have been some tricky times over the years. Worried about the cost of electricity for it this winter. Brexit hasn't been kind either. We don't want to mollycoddle DS but at the same time his SNs mean it will be harder for him to work while studying so we intend to support him sufficiently to avoid the need, then if he does find work its a bonus.

@Fruitygal I would have thought your friend would still be better off, school fees are more than the loan top up. But maybe not by as much as she'd hoped.

Found you again! I am sure my phone is trying its hardest to keep me off Mumsnet.

Not much going on here… it’s only a couple of weeks till she leaves. We have planned a big shop for everything this weekend.

We’re topping DS up to the maximum loan. He’s gone for catered (5 days a week) en-suite so it leaves him with only around £40pw but he reckons he will be fine. He has savings from CTF and gifts if not.

I have tried desperately hard not to interfere with what he needs but today relented and asked if he needed to be taken shopping or had thought about what to take. His answer is he is planning to just take everything from home, kitchen stuff included and we can buy new if / when we miss the item.