Iv posted before about my in-laws and how demanding the have been with me and the baby. He’s 10 weeks this week and 1000% exclusively breastfed and has been since day 1.
Multiple arguments have gone on quite regular, WEEKLY to be precise as they seemed to be in denial and refusing to accept home truths or boundaries we put in place. It goes quite for a few days then next visit it starts all over again and I’m a person who stands my ground firmly!
We had quite a large argument this weekend as the in-laws became pushy with the baby again, demanding to see him at x-time until x-time. I accidentally caught on a phone call between my FIL and my Boyfriend to which the FIL said
“ she needs to stop being so selfish and psychotic with this baby. She is clearly struggling and breastfeeding is not working she needs to stop being so selfish and let us help feed the baby and take care of him. Mums fed up as she feels shes not allowed to be involved with caring for him. She would love to give him bottles when you visit and to be able to feed him. Why cant she just tit feed when she’s at home and then give him a bottle then we can all help and feel more involved with this baby, she could let him sleep over then and everyone else can enjoy him too. We don't see why we need to ask for permission to see or spend time with this baby, he belongs to everybody not just her. Mum feels she is being left out with the caring for this baby”
THE RAGE
The absolute RAGE that filled my body within is indescribable. I feel so pressured into giving up breastfeeding for someone else's selfish, self centred satisfaction. How many times do they have to be told that they are being incredibly SELFISH and CONTROLLING. Why so much pressure to make me change how the baby is fed!!! Why should I stop when the MIL exclusively breast fed all of her children!!!! I feel horrible as my partner is trapped in the middle, he’s tried talking to them, reasoning and it goes back to square one every single time. Grandma this, Grandma that, Grandmas upset, Grandma wants this or that. I hate it. Im so fed up and anxious. I can’t tolerate the outbursts anymore as its just pushed me to feel like I gave birth too a baby that was intended for them and their pleasure and not for me. I feel like I’m just the wet nurse. I waited for so many years to have a baby, I lost one in 2017 to my ex and then promised myself I would wait until the time was right and I met the right man. 2018 I met my current partner. I never realised when I became a parent with my partner; that his parents also automatically decided that they had a right to be the babies parents too. Its gone from excited first time grandparents to overbearing annoying people who dont like the word NO.
I have never known a more RUDE, selfish bunch as them in my life. The say we want to be good Grandparents. BACK OFF THEN, BACK OFF AND ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILDREN HAVE GROWN UP AND HAD THEIR OWN, BUT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR OWN CHILDREN TO TAKE CHARGE OF SO STOP TRYING TO TAKE OVER. IT IS YOUR SONS BABY NOT YOURS.
(In my dreams id love to scream that at them but I wouldn’t dream of it as I'm too polite).
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In-laws wont stop being so self centred!
KMoo22 · 29/08/2022 17:42
Bestcatmum · 29/08/2022 17:47
I would cut them off and not speak to them again unless they back off immediately. Did they really say tit feed? Can you move out of the area? That was the only solution with my mother. I had to get away. I moved 300 miles.
Ragwort · 29/08/2022 18:01
Why are they visiting you? Just grow a back bone & refuse to meet up with them. Your DP is also being a dick if he is allowing them to speak like this ... he should be shutting them up and making it clear there are no more visits. He sounds very weak. He doesn't need to be 'trapped in the middle' ... he needs to be firmly on your side.
DelphiniumBlue · 29/08/2022 18:06
Sounds like they don't understand how breastfeeding works - perhaps DH could explain. If MiL didn't breastfeed her babies then maybe they don't understand that you can't just do it sometimes, that success relies on supply and demand.
But are you struggling? Could you actually do with a bit more support?
Some families and cultures do think that a baby is part of the larger family, it doesn't mean they are evil or batshit, just different. They may feel disappointed that they don't get to have the baby themselves, and might not appreciate your reasons. I think this calls for more talking, more dialogue until they get where you are coming from.
DelphiniumBlue · 29/08/2022 18:06
Sounds like they don't understand how breastfeeding works - perhaps DH could explain. If MiL didn't breastfeed her babies then maybe they don't understand that you can't just do it sometimes, that success relies on supply and demand.
But are you struggling? Could you actually do with a bit more support?
Some families and cultures do think that a baby is part of the larger family, it doesn't mean they are evil or batshit, just different. They may feel disappointed that they don't get to have the baby themselves, and might not appreciate your reasons. I think this calls for more talking, more dialogue until they get where you are coming from.
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excitingusername · 29/08/2022 18:37
Wow. They sound completely ridiculous and the lack of empathy despite having had 4 children who were breastfed is absurd. I too would have been incandescent with rage if anyone had tried to come between me and my daughter. I do not get the 'baby staying over at Grandparents' thing at all. My daughter didn't stay over anywhere without me until she was about 6 or something stupid! And she has zero attachment issues or insecurities about being without me.
Do remember however, that while this is now, things may well calm down. I was incredibly protective and neurotic with my daughter and people thought I was nutty. However, they did respect my boundaries (of which there were many!).
Perhaps a letter, written over a loooong time of reflection and editing being absolutely sure about the wording so that you don't burn any bridges to explain to them what they can't seem to understand. Maybe some reassurance that as long as they are respectful they will eventually get time with their Grandchild but absolutely this is not about them.
@excitingusername weve tried a few approaches.
We approach his dad and we get blocked or told do one... 
I dont get the obsession over being alone with him, surely they know what babies do when they have had their own children? Surely they understand its not appropriate for their 2 month almost 3 month old grandson to be away from his mother.
Its like when she found he'd smiled for the first time I've never seen a look of upset and anguish so strong in my life.. 'oh Right... has he? Well I would have liked to have been there for that first smile...'. When we said he's too young for sleepovers and will be until the wedding next year, we don't need your help with him right now but when he's weaning you can spend some time with him..
We usually get "Why? Just give us a bottle, weve had kids.. dont you think we know what were doing contrary to your belief we had children we know how to look after them". I absolutely hate parenting competitions and being told how to parent!
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