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Graduates returning to the nest, a new start for all!

459 replies

VanCleefArpels · 01/07/2022 23:08

Carrying on from the 2019/20 Uni students thread let’s talk about what it’s like to have our fresh graduates home, for some of us invading our nice empty nest, for all of us creating a new household dynamic…….

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VanCleefArpels · 02/07/2022 15:28

My older one and chums were 8/9 months into first post grad job when lockdown happened. All of them luckily had jobs and could start in person, create relationships etc. But none of them lived in places conducive to home working - all those stories of kids in house shares with shonky broadband, laptops on ironing boards etc etc were true. Many did come home to their nice big family homes to be able to work. Can’t imagine what it must have been like to start working life remotely - so difficult

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icanbewhatiwant · 02/07/2022 17:37

Just marking my place. If I don't comment it doesn't save in "watching"

Ds1 is still in USA. He's half way through his 3 week trip. No job to come back to though. He's left such a mess in his room. I've got to go to his university house tomorrow and bring home rubbish and and a bag of clothes he left there. Contract ends Tuesday. I don't want a charge for left stuff.

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Benjispruce4 · 02/07/2022 18:09

Are any of you planned to charge rent? Had an interesting conversation with one of the other mums at the graduation dinner about this. Our DD doesn’t have a full time job yet so we aren’t going to ask for rent. Her Dd has a well paid grad job so is asking for a contribution. When do they stop being children in that respect? We still pay DD’s phone contract but it’s over to her when this period ends. That’s as far as we’ve thought.

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Benjispruce4 · 02/07/2022 18:11

Meanwhile DD and the remaining housemates are cooking up a feast with leftovers and toasting their last night in the house. It’s going to be a wrench I’m sure. Really feel for them.

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icanbewhatiwant · 02/07/2022 18:49

@Benjispruce4 when ds1 gets a job I intend to charge him something towards the food shop. Dh has just paid his car insurance for the year, we still pay his mobile too. I think he can pay that when he's working. I'm a bit worried about how long he's planning to live from the bank of mum and dad though.

Ds emailed a crop breeding company as he would like to do something farming based, though doesn't know what, he was considering agronomy but has now changed his mind. Anyway, they emailed back to say they aren't employing anyone at the moment, but asked if he would like to spend a week working for them when he is back from USA to see if it's the sort of thing he'd like to do. So he will do that when he returns. He just doesn't really know what he wants to do job wise.

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blametheparents · 02/07/2022 21:14

I think we’ve decided that DS will take over all of the ‘little’ things that we currently pay for - gym membership, contact lenses, phone. I won’t occasionally be putting petrol in his car either.
I don’t think we will charge him rent, mostly cos he is an excellent saver and I know he intends to save towards a house deposit. We’ll definitely give it 6 months before we make a final decision to give him a chance to get organised, and then review in the new year.
When I returned home as a graduate, I paid rent to my mum and dad and, to be honest, I thought that completely reasonable.

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icanbewhatiwant · 02/07/2022 21:26

I'm going to have to have a serious talk with ds1 about the mess he makes. When he's home he likes to cook eggs or similar for breakfast. Then he will cook a pasta dish for lunch. He rarely washes up, if he does it's a quick rinse. He will put plates in the dishwasher but I run them under a tap first, he doesn't. He will leave salad stuff out, grated cheese all over the worktop etc. He never washes the glass hob. One thing I can't stand is a messy kitchen. It really winds me up. He also leaves tea mugs and glasses in all rooms. He gets angry when I tell him off. But I can't stand the thought of all the mess. I won't go into the mess in the bathroom. The younger dc's are already complaining about him using "their" bathroom. So he's going to be told to clean up. Am I the only one dreading the mess?

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bigTillyMint · 02/07/2022 21:26

DD started paying “rent” when she started her grad job, and we stopped paying for anything extra for her. We will do the same for DS when he gets a proper job, but will support him if he wants to do another year of study like DD did.

i moved out of my mums house when I went to uni, and so never had this. Plus even London rents were manageable in those days!

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bigTillyMint · 02/07/2022 21:29

@icanbewhatiwant, whilst DD is good at cleaning up when she cooks, she often leaves cups and glasses around and doesn’t see it as a problem. DS doesn’t really cook at home other than assembling breakfast/lunch….

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MargaretThursday · 02/07/2022 21:44

Benjispruce4 · 02/07/2022 09:30

Our young people need to learn from others in the workplace. I really don’t want DD’s jobs to be wfh.

Agreed. Especially as dd isn't the most sociable of people, so she'd be best doing at least half time in the office, nor is her room good for working in as the desk is really too small.

@VanCleefArpels thanks for starting this thread.

Having this time last year thought I might have only one dc left at home this next year, it looks like I'll have all three. Dd decided to do the 3 years maths course rather than 4 year, and dd2 is taking a year out.
They're both tidying rooms at the moment, as dd needs space for her uni stuff and home stuff, and has a tiny room, dd2 had the biggest room by miles but I'll just say the least floor space...

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Benjispruce4 · 02/07/2022 22:00

I have noticed this last year when DD1 has been home from uni that’s she has been tidier, in her own room and around the house. DD2 used to be so tidy but since turning 17/18 she’s taken up the messy mantle! She loves to cook and uses pans etc for breaks and lunch and leaves them in the sink. I come home from work to 7 tea bags piled up in the teaspoon rest and a dirty sink full. She will tidy it up but I have to have a moan. We don’t have the luxury of extra bathrooms so they’re quite used to leaving it tidy but they do spend too long in the shower causing DH to blow steam out of his ears. As I said, a long summer ahead!

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LouisCatorze · 03/07/2022 07:28

I'm the only tidy one in our house and it drives me mad. I like to leave things as I find them even when I go up to bed. DS doesn't create chaos in his wake (unlike DD - you should see her bedroom) but he's not what I'd call tidy either.

And yes, leaving used glasses scattered across the house is one of his weaknesses. DD is forever telling me we need to get more but we don't, they just need to be used, washed up, dried and put back where they long!

We had 'bra-gate' yesterday because DD couldn't find the right bra and was pressed for time going out. It was my fault of course Hmm. Only it wasn't. Her brother had put down a pile of clothes on her chair when he was sorting out his stuff to leave, and some of her clean underwear was buried beneath it!

When DS gets a full-time job and if he's at home, we would probably charge him £200 a month for being here. I don't think that's harsh given that even rooms in family homes rent out for considerably more than that these days. He would still be saving a helluva lot more towards his future than if he's renting elsewhere.

Energy consumption likely to go through the roof, just as the autumn prices rocket. DS never turns lights off! The DC don't know the meaning of a three to four minute shower!

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VanCleefArpels · 03/07/2022 08:43

We are not charging rent, but (after student overdraft is paid off!) will insist at least half of take home pay is saved as this is likely what she will have to pay to rent somewhere eventually. She covers petrol and other commuting costs and all personal expenses but we will continue to tax and insure the car.

we have mess issues as well. I think this is the area most likely to lead to problems 🙄

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Benjispruce4 · 03/07/2022 09:16

Ha ha this is refreshing. They have more than high achievement in common!
Bra-gate sounds familiar and could be interchanged with lip balm-gate, phone-gate, nail varnish-gate and it being someone else’s fault is a recurring theme. Lots of tongue biting for the next two weeks. DH left v early this morning and is in Durham now. DD2 goes away for a few days tomorrow so that will help us get DD1’s stuff into the house /loft I’ve the coming days. Very glad to be at work tomorrow 😆

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RampantIvy · 03/07/2022 09:20

DD and her friends are frantically looking for a flat so that they can stay in Newcastle. One has a job, and I think the parents are subsidising the others until they can get a job.

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Benjispruce4 · 03/07/2022 09:23

Sound a good idea @RampantIvy hope they’re successful.

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bigTillyMint · 03/07/2022 09:49

We are just about to pick DS up @Benjispruce4!

I sympathise totally with it always being somebody else’s fault (usually mine) when they can’t find something - usually DD🙄

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DrMadelineMaxwell · 03/07/2022 09:52

Dd has to empty her flat (stayed on campus all 3 years) on the weekend of the 16th then we go back for graduation on the 20th.

She has applied for her masters so may yet do another year yet.

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bigTillyMint · 03/07/2022 09:55

@RampantIvy, my DGodD loved Newcastle so much that she stayed on with her friends - she is just completing a Masters!

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Benjispruce4 · 03/07/2022 09:58

@bigTillyMint if you see a tall man wandering aimlessly around Durham it’ll be DH who is waiting for DD to wake up!!! And so it begins….

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bigTillyMint · 03/07/2022 10:07

Oh no @Benjispruce4 🤣

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Xenia · 03/07/2022 11:02

If I butt in too much people can tell me to go... but on the rent issue..first of all it depends what you can afford. Some people cannot afford not to charge rent. My own council tax wen up by about £1000 last month when the twins ceased to be students (it took the council about 8 months to effect the 25% discount but zero time to stick the rate right back up again...) but I am not charging them for that increase (this point will not apply to most MN posters who are living in a couple and pay the full rate already)

I have not charged mine rent but we always have an arrangement with all five of them eg my older son stayed here and worked half days for me/collected twins from school, cooked for them etc. Then we agreed he would finally leave after buying a house when the twins left for university. The girls left during or just after their law firm training contracts ended.

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VanCleefArpels · 03/07/2022 12:33

I agree Xenia it does depend on affordability. We’ve taken the view that the small additional cost to us is worth it if they can save enough to encourage them to move out asap. DD has a 6 month probation period at her job so it will be at least this long before she can even contemplate living independently

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Benjispruce4 · 03/07/2022 13:25

I’m torn on the rent issue. We won’t be charging any for the forseeable as DD only has a part time job. But even though we can afford for he not to pay anything, I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do. DH is very sure it is right to charge.😉

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VanCleefArpels · 03/07/2022 14:06

benji perhaps when she’s got full time work go down the saving to move out route rather than rent? I think it’s important for them to learn how little “fun” money they will have after rent and bills etc, a bit of reality!!

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