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Parents of adult children

Graduates returning to the nest, a new start for all!

459 replies

VanCleefArpels · 01/07/2022 23:08

Carrying on from the 2019/20 Uni students thread let’s talk about what it’s like to have our fresh graduates home, for some of us invading our nice empty nest, for all of us creating a new household dynamic…….

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bigTillyMint · 15/08/2022 10:22

That sounds lovely @Benjispruce4

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FayeGovan · 17/08/2022 23:06

Yes it really does sound lovely

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VanCleefArpels · 30/08/2022 09:52

Hello all just checking in - DD has had 2 paydays now and should avoid going into overdraft for the first time this month since she started at Uni so that’s a milestone 😂. Things going ok on the domestic front so far with only a few reminders required about tidiness and general consideration! Hope all going ok for everyone else

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LouisCatorze · 30/08/2022 18:14

@VanCleefArpels good to hear your news. And hurrah for your DD finally saying goodbye to her overdraft.

We are having a few teething issues getting used to being 'four' rather than three again at home. DS isn't really doing anything other than stay at home (girlfriend currently completing her Masters dissertation so even she's 'off limits') and it's a bit much, made worse no doubt while DD is on her long post GCSEs summer break.

Trying to encourage him to get a life meet up with some of his old school mates while he's living with us. We may get some respite when his girlfriend moves into her own studio flat (and he will undoubtedly be going there some weekends every month) but still seems to be living like a student.

And as his firm is American, he is working when we are heading for bed.

Other than that, he's easy-going (much more so than DD) so it could be a lot worse.

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bigTillyMint · 30/08/2022 19:18

@VanCleefArpels, well done to your DD / took mine a bit longer, but all gone now AFAIK! Only a few reminders about tidiness? Result!

@LouisCatorze, It’s tricky isn’t it? Four adults here too (plus an extra four shoehorned in for BH!) but the DC are in and out and we will be back at work next week!

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FayeGovan · 30/08/2022 19:41

Busy house here too, but ds has found a room so fingers crossed it goes ok 🤞

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LouisCatorze · 30/08/2022 19:47

That's excellent news @FayeGovan.

@bigTillyMint he just needs to be doing some socialising so he's not at home all the time. I'm not sure it's good for him although appreciate it saves him a lot of money! That famous Khalil Gibran quotation about having 'space in your togetherness' springs to mind. Sure it will be better when DD is back at school too.

Having eight in the house is a lot of people, even if only for a weekend.

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bigTillyMint · 30/08/2022 20:02

That’s great! @FayeGovan

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VanCleefArpels · 30/08/2022 20:23

Has anyone had a change of heart about charging rent given the increase in bills etc? We can get by on our projected increase but I can anticipate “discussions” if we delay putting the heating on etc (since she thinks it should be warm enough to saunter about with just pj’s on)

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MissConductUS · 30/08/2022 20:30

@LouisCatorze

And as his firm is American, he is working when we are heading for bed.

Is the office based in the Eastern Standard time zone? Five hours is a big difference but it would be worse if it was further west.

My DS starts work in two weeks. He's been taking some online classes and going on holidays since moving home, but will be commuting into NYC. He's flying to Orlando for a three day onboarding program before he really starts.

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FayeGovan · 30/08/2022 20:55

Thanks all

Am enjoying hearing about everyone's "kids" and their different experiences...and how we are all coping with the changes

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MargaretThursday · 30/08/2022 22:00

DD2 started work today for her gap year, and dd1 is starting to look at applications.
I have every sympathy with the moans of "this application form is horrible!"

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LouisCatorze · 31/08/2022 10:15

Well I'm going to see what happens with our bills, although DS is already identified as the weak link in our energy saving strategies (he leaves lights on unnecessarily all the time!). I have the past two years usage data to compare with and will soon see if his return home coincides with unusually higher readings! We'll take it from there.

@MissConductUS good luck to your DS with his job. DS's company is based in Cincinnati.

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thing47 · 31/08/2022 10:29

I have loved having my two back post-university, but I think the dynamics change quite significantly once they are working full time – as opposed to lounging around thinking they are still students!

Also they both still have friends in the area so there is a social scene for them, although we do find that so many of that generation work irregular hours, either because like @LouisCatorze's DS they are working for foreign companies, or are doing a job like DS is, where he works early in the morning and into the evening but has time to himself in the middle of the day.

DD on the other hand has a 8-4 job and thinks she's in heaven as she's doing far less hours than she did on her Masters last year…

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DrMadelineMaxwell · 31/08/2022 11:02

Dd is currently spending most of the time lounging around in student mode. She only has a pocket money (£200 per month) job at present, one day a week at the place she worked at around going to uni.

She is applying for random jobs...any job. But is at a loose end until she gets her results. Her resubmitted dissertation should be marked 'at some point in September' and the she should hopefully finally graduate and find out her classification. I have to avoid worrying about that until it happens tbf. She might be ok or a right mess.

No results means no chance of applying to graduate schemes yet.

Dh has already asked when we will start charging her keep as he was the second he was in his yts scheme all those years ago. I've told him when she starts full time.

Luckily she stayed on campus for the full 3 tears and the 2 terms rent due through the 2 lockdown weren't charged. So she has about 5k in the bank as a buffer.

I've actually gone back to paying her the same £25 pocket money her sister gets until she has a full time job. I didnt give it all through uni but her sister has it and works part time so it only seems fair.
That will be the first thing to give (and her phone contract) when she gets a better job.

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VanCleefArpels · 31/08/2022 11:16

@DrMadelineMaxwell sounds like she had a difficult end to her degree - not fun to be in that limbo. She’s missed the window for grad schemes this year (and I’m a bit evangelical about the fact that the vast majority of graduates do not get in grad “schemes” - they get jobs!!) , I’d be encouraging her to look at entry level jobs in the field she’s interested in to get a foot in the door - this will benefit her if she does apply for grad schemes next year

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DrMadelineMaxwell · 31/08/2022 11:33

Thanks.
Difficult is correct! I had no idea she was in such a mess with her anxiety. But it is done now.
She is applying for a wide variety of things as she doesn't know what she wants to do. Her degree was history but there aren't many museum jobs (her main interest) anywhere near where we live. She is going back to volunteering in one in the local city while applying for a wide variety of things to see if she gets one and will then decide if she likes it.

Her sister already knows she'd like to be an accountant and, like me, should leave uni with a clear view and experience built into her studies (she wants the 4 year with one year in industry option) to then know exactly what jobs to apply for.

It's the danger of just taking a subject you are passionate in at degree level I suppose.

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VanCleefArpels · 31/08/2022 12:43

On that basis any office based temp type jobs would be beneficial to grow her skills - has she signed up with any agencies?

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DrMadelineMaxwell · 31/08/2022 12:45

No but that's a very good call! I'll get her on that.

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VanCleefArpels · 31/08/2022 12:54

Indeed.com is good too - you can search for “admin” and by postcode

I’ve learned from my young people that it’s essential to be on linked in as well - I have no clue about this but apparently recruiters do search it for candidates with relevant interests/ qualifications.

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MissConductUS · 31/08/2022 14:48

LouisCatorze · 31/08/2022 10:15

Well I'm going to see what happens with our bills, although DS is already identified as the weak link in our energy saving strategies (he leaves lights on unnecessarily all the time!). I have the past two years usage data to compare with and will soon see if his return home coincides with unusually higher readings! We'll take it from there.

@MissConductUS good luck to your DS with his job. DS's company is based in Cincinnati.

Thank you! He's pretty excited and a bit nervous.

Is your son working for a global consumer products company?

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LouisCatorze · 31/08/2022 16:47

@MissConductUS he's doing some type of data analytics which feeds into his major interests. It's kind of a fill-in job but he's really enjoying it, and it will keep him gainfully occupied until he gets something better!

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LouisCatorze · 04/09/2022 10:57

@DrMadelineMaxwell good luck to your DD with her dissertation resubmission.

How's everyone doing?

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Benjispruce4 · 05/09/2022 22:14

@VanCleefArpels DD was contacted to interview for her current role due to her LinkedIn profile.

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Benjispruce4 · 05/09/2022 22:23

DD is moving in to her shared place next weekend and the reality of bills is dawning. Agents said there were desks in bedrooms but there are not so they are currently wrangling over that. We had a great holiday in NYC but its back to work now. Going to be a busy month.

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