ok, is it really THAT much harder with 2

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

we have 19mo DS, were planning on trying for another about 9months ago but my career seems to be going fairly well at the moment (work in theatre so will always be erratic and insecure) so decided to put ttc on hold while I ride the momentum.

Trouble is I really wanted to have a relatively (under 3yrs) small age gap between children, we only intend to have 2, but I'm terrified of all these stories coming out about how much harder it is to have two children, that in most ways it's harder than going from none to one...please give me your invaluable advice and experience!

Because of the nature of my work and the pay, we rely heavily on friends and family to help out, I don't currently have regular childcare as work is so erratic and is sometimes unpaid. DH bless him has said it's totally my choice when we try again, I know he's desperate for another baby though, he's even said he'll go and work as a contractor in a job I know he'd hate in order for me to continue working and being able to afford 2 lots of childcare.

It's all pretty easy now, I'm almost convinced to have DS as only child.....

it is that much harder.

bugger

I've found 1>2 not nearly as hard as 0>1 tbh (it helps that DS2 is very laidback). Plus now (they're age 1 and 3) they are starting to play together, which means I have to play less!

It's very full-on, you have to be super-organised not to let it all get on top of you. But it's an absolute joy having two and the hard slog of the baby/toddler years is such a small time.

it is! ... in all manner of ways you can't imagine beforehand. I had no idea how easy having just a 2 year old to look after was until DD was born! BUT I am sure it will be worth while in years to come and I grew up with my sister just under 2 years younger than me, we had a great childhood together and I want that for my children. It's short term pain .. well, sort of short term!

oh it is that much harder - didn't stop me having ds3 tho

read this - scared crap out of me before I had ds2 but it is actually very honest

Oh crikey, were we supposed to read a book before having a second baby? We just had sex

I am utterly screwed - I firmly have my practical head on because I was frankly in la-la-land before DS was born and probably in shock for 4 months. He's soooooooooooo easy now though, damn maybe he'll just have to have no siblings at all

YES!!! 21 months between my 2 - now aged 3 1/2 and almost 2. Going from 0 - 1 was lifestyle change but okay. From 1 -2 eek! Still if you have family/friend support to help you out that would help a lot. TBH I think going from 2-3 wouldn't be that much more difficult but am not prepared to find out LOL. Go for it though - you only live once.

It is lovely to see them play together anf hear the laugh - just not good when they scream/cry/demand at the same time!

hmmm interesting Leonie, that's one of the main reason I want a shorter age gap (although now counting my blessings we didn't go ahead with original plan for #2)

Friends are amazing with DS, I'm not sure any of them (all generally single, childless, out of work actors) would be able to cope with two children. Mum is amazing but lives 1.5 hours away by train...I can't drive. SHould I learn to drive before ttc?!

Agree with what meg said. Mine are now 3 and 6, but I sometimes look at mums of onlys with envy at their ordered lives and the amount of time they can devote to their child.

Any more than one is chaos. If you are super organised, its ordered chaos. It is all worth it when they have a cuddle.

Well it is and it isn't.

Initially, the washing pile doesn't just double, it quadruples and I still haven't figured out how that happened!

On the other hand, they do have each other (when they're older) and that can help if you don't have many other kids to play with in your area (as in our case).

I didn't find from one to two that hard, TBH. (had 3 year gap - could afford childcare for two etc).

But going from 2 to 3 has totally buggered us up!!

ooooo yes...what is it with the washing pile?!

I don't find it hard I have a ds age 4 and a dd age 9months. It was hard for about a month then things just settled down. But I am a sahm and my SIL has found it really hard with childcare.

What a scary thread. I am about to adopt dd2, with the same age gap as Leonie, and am stricken with fear. I'm exhausted with just one, pretty placid, little girl and a part-time job.

Eek!

I think this is the major problem, my work is not particularly child-friendly (rehearsals always 10-6pm, not at all moveable, then normally 1-2 weeks of pretty much 15 hour days, then evenings for a few months)

I think it was much harder with No.2 but as it was twins second time round I can't remember. DD was 3 when they were born. Post traumatic shock I think.
They are all over 7 yrs now and I still feel a bit discombobulated when there's nothing to DO.
I did sometimes fantasise about only having the eldest but...whoever got to the end of their life and regretted their children?

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

It is a bit harder, but you adapt. I agree the biggerst shock for me was the washing
They have different demands so are tiring in different ways. After a year, the older one kind of entertains the younger one.

Also, I used to go to bed at about midnight, now its 9.30.

(appart from tonight, I am away working - releif !!)

girlwiththemouseyhair I can so so sympathise - I work in theatre - designing, not acting, so a bit more ordered but not much! It's a ridiculously hard profession to be in with children.
I'm just pg with number two - we just threw caution to the wind a bit....

Yes. In retrospect just having DS1 was a piece of piss.

But my just-getting-on-with-it skills have increased by 100% and it is lovely that the two boys (3.7 and 17m) play together for short periods. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

robyn, I'm a director so thankfully have a bit more lee-way than actors (not in every night once press night is over) but then so have to do the months of prep beforehand, like you!

How old is your 1st DC? Am trying to feel uplifted by the likes of Katie Mitchell, Marianne Elliot and Thea Sharrock managing it, but I'm a far cry from the NT offering me an Associatship!

It is more chaotic at times. Personally I found 0-1 a LOT harder than 1-2. In some ways I like it more now as it just runs like a well oiled machine and you just keep going with the momentum iyswim? No time to dwell on what ifs, having 2 helps me to prioritise exactly what's important and just get on with it!

There is the odd moment when ds1 is tired/noisy/demented and ds2 is hungry/crying/tired and you feel a little bit like your head might explode. These moments are fleeting though and on the whole it's lovely to watch them both growing and changing and getting to know each other

It really helps to have a supportive partner to share the workload with. Tbh, whatever age gap you have you make it work cause you have to! Most importantly keep your sense of humour and all will be ok