SAHM vs Working Mum - debate here please!

[jackstarbright]

O.k go for it! You know you want to...

So much for a peaceful Sunday morning

Paula

in response to daftpunk on the other thread - is she really saying that ALL single mothers should stay on benefits and not work outside the home because that would automatically make them bad mothers?

Is she really happy to support lone parents to do that? Or does she just think that LP's ought to all be "bad mothers"?

And so it begins

HB you really should know better by now than to try and discuss certain subjects with DP. Breath in, count to 10 and go to your happy place.

but who is footing the bill for dp to be a good mother?

don't get me wrong, though, i would rather not have to work to keep a roof over our heads, it would be muuuuuch better if our (not that huge, compared to a lot of people) mortgage could be covered by dh alone.

i remember my mum telling me that when she and my dad bought their first (very cute and one i'd live in now) house, the bank wouldn't even take her wages into consideration when it came to offering the mortgage. she was cross about this from an equality perspective but all i could think was 'YOU COULD AFFORD TO BUY YOUR FIRST HOUSE ON ONE WAGE!!!???'

it's all keith joseph's fault, of course. everything is his fault, the creepy fucker. him and his political bitch-wife thatcher.

yes you're right.

Just wanted to throw that thought out there - am not expecting DP to respond to it with reason.

SAHM vs working parents?

It's not that clearcut is it?

I'm a p/t working parent who spends more time with my DD than my SAHM friend who uses a creche at the gym and her MIL to get many hours of 'me time' every week.

These debates are stupid.

what is there to debate? it is what is right for each family's circumstances. there are bad parents across every spectrum , class, profession etc...

why do mums get it in the neck? what about dads who walk away, don't pay child support, or work all hours, spend no time with their DCas, and sleep all weekend?

it is certainly not as simple as WOHM bad/good, SAHM bad/good
and if anyone thinks so, then they are silly and naive

I've been both, and a student parent as well.

There's advantages and disadvantages to both.

Done to death on here anyway.

Aitch,

Just want to respond to something you said on the other thread..

I didn't say all working women make bad mothers...I said women who work F/T...and that's only because they don't see alot of their dc.....how can you be good at something if you're never there..?

it is never a debate. It is always an excuse for each side to bash each other.

I don'tthink there is ever one way to do things. But I really wish to fuck that women would support each other in stead of criticising.

If we all supported each other in demanding that maothers be supported in doing what is best for them and for their families then maybe things would change.
As it is many employers/men/corporations/politicians get away with apathy or exploitation because they can sit on their hands and watch us beat the living shit out of each other.

I don't expect any other woman to choose the same as me. But I expect other mothers to support my right to choose responsibly for my family and my child

because working full time doesn't mean working 24 hours a day you know. I work full time, as did my mother and mother in law and we are all excellent mothers, thank you very much.

Well clearly this isn't intelligent debate, so I won't get drawn in..... but as a full time working mother, that last comment is fucking offensive and ridiculous. 'Never there!' Utter bollocks. My DH also works full time. So presumably he is 'never there' as well.

Thank god my children are older so I can see first hand that they are intelligent, successful, sociable and enjoy being with DH and me! Oh and I won't be living in poverty in DH dies before me, and vice versa, because we each have our own pensions

That was to dp btw

What about a working mum who bottle fed , then on her days off feeds her chidlren fruit shoots and Gregs sausage rolls then when she shops without her children she parks in the P & T spaces - come on whilst we're at lets throw it all into the pot !

but by the age of five they're in full-time education, dp, so if you leave work at five you're missing two hours tops per day...?

plus it's just such a bullshit point, dp. women have to work nowadays. we get paid less for it, but we have to do it. meh. oh for the days before house prices went bananas.

and who is footing the bill for you to be a good mother, dp?

Presumably on dp's model everyone ceases to be a good mother when their child goes to school, because then they're "never there" anyway.

Excellent. Kick every woman. Good job.

FWIW I don't much want to fit in with a racist hypocritical bigot's view of what makes a "good" mother anyway.

x posted with Aitch.

'who is footing the bill for you to be a good mother dp?'

• all those other dreadful mothers who go out to work of course!!

is it? because that would be most annoying, imo.

who's footing your bill, dp?

My dh works ....he foots the bill, I have never been on benefits...I had children because we could afford them.

I'm not talking about school age children, I'm talking about women who go back to work when their dc are babies/toddlers....the first 3 yrs of a childs life are the most important...

And I'm not talking about women who have to work just to cover vital bills...I'm talking about women who work to pay for second cars, expensive holidays etc....children don't care about these things, they'd rather be with their mother....I have seen the following reasons given for working;

" They drive me mad "

" I find being at home all day with them boring"

Well don't bloody well have them if you arn't prepared to sacrifice a few years...

The "career woman" vs SAHM debate is a pointless one given that most mortgages / rent require two incomes.