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SAHM vs Working Mum - debate here please!

155 replies

jackstarbright · 10/01/2010 12:03

O.k go for it! You know you want to...

OP posts:
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daftpunk · 10/01/2010 21:25

Then we have something in common Georgimama, because I also have a problem with people telling me how I should think...

Georgimama · 10/01/2010 21:30

It would be nice to see some evidence that you think at all, but I'm not going to get sucked into trying to elicit any kind of explanation or rationale from you for your views, because I know from experience that you aren't able or willing to give one.

I don't care what you think. I care about people on this board being made to feel shit because they read that they are apparently "bad mothers". They read it in newspapers, they read it in magazines, and they read it on here. It's tired. Give it a rest.

hf128219 · 10/01/2010 21:31

I love my job and I know that I could not be a SAHM. It's just not my bag - and I take off my hat to those of you who are.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Monty100 · 10/01/2010 21:32

Is it not the political view of the BNP that women should stay at home? Please correct me if I'm wrong. So DP is expressing her political view.

FWIW, you don't sound particularly happy with your bag DP.

daftpunk · 10/01/2010 21:40

No, it is not a BNP policy that women will be forced to stay at home....not quite sure how they would implement that one..?

Monty100 · 10/01/2010 21:46

A policy and political view are two different things though. And I didn't say 'forced.' Read my post.

MadameDefarge · 10/01/2010 21:46

No, DP has been outed and is dealing with the questions arising from it. Not the same as mentioning it of her own volition.

Georgimama · 10/01/2010 21:55

I think "outed" is pretty strong considering she has openly declared her intent to vote BNP many many times before. I haven't gone trawling off board and found out personal details about her.

HerBeatitude · 10/01/2010 21:55

I don't think it's realistic to pretend that on all threads, we should just take the arguments at face value and not bring into the thread, what we already "know" about the poster.

We're human; of course we don't discount what we already know about someone. Yes there are threads where you agree with someone you violently disagree with on another thread; but if someone has expressed views you find repugnant, or someone has personally offended you, of course your attitude to their posts is going to be coloured by that.

MadameDefarge · 10/01/2010 21:58

RIght. I'm bored of rescuing damsels. Off to slay a few dragons now.

Georgimama · 10/01/2010 21:59

Right for avoidance of doubt in case anyone posts the wittiest reposte at me in the history of MN, I am signing off and going to bed. It is my husband's birthday.

daftpunk · 10/01/2010 22:01

Monty27

I would say the BNPs views are geared towards the traditional family; (married hetrosexuals), however, you vote for a party on their polcies, and as yet the BNP do not have one purely on working mothers...so I can't really comment further.

Ronaldinhio · 10/01/2010 22:02

I dunno about the wohm and sahm thing because I can't say what will work for you only what works for me
I agree that it would be better if we were all able to make that choice without guilt and judgement being heaped upon us
I don't ever see the same being leveled at men

I do wish we could be more supportive of each other as fundamentally most of us are doing the very best that we can with the hand that we are dealt

However I must say that I also feel that the way people are singling out DP isn't sitting comfortably with me at all. Lots of posters have views that we disagree with but if feels as though her honestly over supporting the BNP will see her hounded from MN.
~Will we now try to link her every post to the BNP no matter how tenuous the link?
I know that this is just my opinion and against the tide but honestly there is a fine line between challenging and bullying and I don't want us to tip into the latter

Monty100 · 10/01/2010 22:04

DP - You could have just said the BNP are extreme right winged bigots, that would have sufficed.

Anyway, back to the thread....

Nevergoogle · 10/01/2010 22:11

dragon slaying!

daftpunk · 10/01/2010 22:19

Yes ronaldinhio...it will be ironic that I'm forced off a forum that prides itself on being supportive and supporting democracy/diversity etc...

Never mind...I'll survive....

peppapighastakenovermylife · 11/01/2010 09:00

I object to the supposed logic that WOHM's never see their children. Of course they see them less than the average SAHM but actually if you work it out its not that much less.

I work full time but am lucky enough to be slightly flexible with my hours (tend to pick up by 4 but spend evening working). My DC's spend 32 hours in nursery each week (4 days x 8 hours). For the vast majority of the rest of that time they are with me - we have no family support to come and take them out. We might visit family or family might visit us but they don't take them out or anything.

Anyway. So taking the extreme of the SAHM situation - the mum spends all her time with the DC's. There are 168 hours in the week. 52 weeks in the year. That works out at 8736 hours a year (supposing she never puts them in a creche or has the MIL look after them for an hour or whatever).

If you take into account my full time working hours and the fact that I spend weekends with them, plus holidays, plus bank holidays, plus the inevitable snow days (!), ill days, taking to the doctor for injections days etc etc, I worked out I spend 6272 hours with them a year. This isnt taking time into consideration when someone might babysit or take them out - however no one has babysat since DD was born (16 months) and occasionally my parents take DS out for an hour or two but DD stays with me so I'm keeping the model that they are with me.

Still with me or fallen asleep yet?

Anyway, working that out as a percentage of a full time mum that works out at 72% of my time (rather than 100% of my time) that I spend with the DC's. Its hardly not spending any time at all with them is it!

You could argue that if they are sleeping then I am not parenting. However mine dont sleep particularly well and I really should get on with doing some work rather than producing random stats on MN!

smallorange · 11/01/2010 09:15

The problem is that so many interesting threads end up as tedious analysis of DP and her looney views.

And it always follows the same pattern- a post calculated to piss everyone off, a further wind up post,then a martyred post about everyone getting at her. Then calculated contentious post etc.

So many people just cannot be bothered with it anymore.

Tis just dull.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 11/01/2010 10:12

David Mitchell's column in the Observer this week, on freedom of speech, made me think of MN:

"We don't have to show the slightest respect for other people's views ? just for their right to hold them. Respect, after all, must be earned. It's only freedom of speech that's a right. When someone says something which you find stupid or offensive, you can say something back. You can tell them to fuck off. They don't have to, but they've still been told."

posieparker · 11/01/2010 10:15

lovely last post!!

daftpunk · 11/01/2010 10:34

Absolutely agree Heathernofsurbia, the only problem is, if I tell people to fuck off because they're talking crap I get reported.....

Oh, and someone said I'm an attention seeker...

Fwiw, I had to email a poster asking her to stop talking about me on threads...(thankfully she has) I also had to contact MNHQ about another poster who stalks me....(unfortunately she hasn't stopped)

If you are a full on attention seeker you welcome all attention, you don't normally want people to shut up about you or to fuck off and leave you alone.

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/01/2010 10:38

Fair enough DP I take it back re callimng you an attention seeker - I apologise. I just came to that conclusion as the only time I ever see you nowadays is when you post on subjects where your opinions are at kilter with 98% of the rest of mumsnetters.

And to be honest I couldn't care less what your politics are.

But you are right in that you are certainly not the only poster who thinks WOHM are wrong.

whensmydayoff · 11/01/2010 12:44

Ooooh, Ive not read anything, just the title.

I innocently started a thread months ago called 'reasons to be happy SAHM' as there was lots of fed up SAHM posting various threads. I was mearly trying to cheer them up and BANG, all hell broke loose!

This subject is the worst possible subject to cover on here. I think it hits more raw nerves than any other subject.

Everyone has different circumstances, there is no black and white with this subject.

There's SAHM's who may be on benefits because it's the only way for them financially/emotionally or

they may just be the type thats never worked!!

SAHM who can or can't afford it but just want to be at home with the kids.

WOHM who cant afford not to work

WOHM who would rather work than be at home with their kids

Either way, someones going to be well pissed off and these threads go on for donkey's years.

daftpunk · 11/01/2010 14:01

Getorfmoiland;

....

Wastwinsetandpearls · 11/01/2010 18:09

GetOrf let me claim the glory, I called dp an attention seeker.

I don't think for one moment daftpunk that you post not to get attention do you?