The Golden Rules of Parenting

[JustineMumsnet]

What would yours be? (We are just mulling this in the office) Mine would be not to say: No, NO NOO, oh alright then...

but crying isn't futile, its our way of dealing with emotional overload. Its a healthy thing to do!

I cried when I broke my toe (it really hurt!!)

I cry at emotional things on tv/books etc

I cried when I was talking to my best friend on the eve of her wedding that I couldn't be at, and I missed her so badly.

I am a person who feels things. How can I tell my children that it is ok to cry/ get angry/show emotion, yet not do it myself?

Its different if I cried when they misbehave etc. I don't, and FWIW, they know that I am the grown up, and its MY JOB to take care of things.

Crying does not equal weakness

i used to cry with DD1 everytime we watched the incredible journey together - when the old dog came back, we were both so wet we would cry even before that bit came on because we knew it was coming!

Oh I've loved reading these :-) (ignoring comments re working/SAHM's)

Trying to work out how to print a selection of these for the kitchen wall for the next 20 years

Am 1st time (late 30's) mum of 4mth old daughter and aware she is likely to be my only baby (for various reasons).

Time is flying past and she's already sooo big and learning so much.

Consciously trying to enjoy every moment despite tiredness (eg. extra skin-skin time this morning) and wondering how come I didn't take many photos in September (was even tireder)!

Not sure about the not-crying thing. As an only child myself I hated all the stiff-upper-lip/pretend everything is fine stuff. The atmosphere was horrid and I was scared/angry. DH and I both cry now and again and DD will certainly be shown that it's ok and that she is still safe, secure and significant.

I pray every day "God help me be a good mum today. Not a perfect mum, or even an excellent mum, just a good mum will do". I try to play with her every day, and to spend time chatting (gurgling/blowing raspberries).

Please keep 'em coming

BTW my rules are:

If i screw up, I apologise

EVERYONE is equal and deserves respect.

I am doing my best, and I may not do the right thing, but I love them, and make sure I learn from my mistakes.

Also the moderation thing. Its heaven staying up late with them with a huge bowl of buttery popcorn between us

Sometimes, if you really love them, you have to be the adult and tell them to do things they don't want to do. Like have baths. Or go to bed. Or do homework. Or eat decent food.

Sometimes you won't like them and they won't like you.

I suppose where I feel uncomfortable is around crying when they throw their food on the floor or there is something that really isn't a big deal.

Crying in a sentimental way is fine. Crying because you're grieving is also fine. Crying because you can't cope is a bit scary for a child. Hope that's a bit clearer.

FWIW as I said earlier, I think it's the way that you deal with your child crying that makes them feel if it's okay to cry or not. I am hugely sympathetic when my DS hurts himself and cries. Less so when it's because he doesn't want to wear his coat

I agree with you LeQueen. I cry over books and films and that sort of thing but that isn't frightening, mine find it quite funny. It is wrong to cry when they need you to cope, and it is very frightening if it is their behaviour that has driven you to tears.

Pretend to be asleep.

LeQueen I would agree with that sounds awful. Absolutely awful to be in control on one's parents to that extent.

Were they depressed do you think?

When I was about 10yrs I had a friend whose mother would regularly cry-mainly over her DD's behaviour and I was so very relieved that she wasn't my mother! Even at that age I felt she was very unfair. Needless to say they didn't go on to have a very good relationship.
Quite regularly a thread comes up on mumsnet with a mother who is so needy, that her 3 yr old being horrid to her (in the way most 3 yrs are when thwarted)can reduce her to tears!
It is easy, on a bad day, to get down to 3 yr old level and feel like tears but you need to go into another room and stop yourself.

Watch what you say in front of them they do listen and they will repeat at the worst time!!!

Remember what it is like to be a child.

Always have a box of raisins in your bag. Including your smart work handbag.

Always have wetwipes/tissues in your bag.

Spend time looking at them asleep.

Try not to expect too much.

Always tell them when they're being brilliant.

Remember that they are each a unique being, to be loved and appreciated for their own special way of being.

Try not to feel guilty all the time for never managing to be as good a mother as you would like to be.

Let them know you love them very very much but you are definitely the one in charge (in theory...)

I always had a micro set of colouring pencils in my handbag, kept them quiet on train journeys or if we had to wait somewhere.

A second pair of hands on the hoover may not be convenient, but they'll enjoy it

HIDE THE LAPTOP!!! Especially if you forgot to completely shut it down, and were 900 words into a 1000 word assignment, which you haven't yet saved.

Igglepiggle will always win the fight against Calvin Valentine. So, don't expect to watch Hollyoaks at half six.

Typical evening routine.
6pm, bath.
6.30 milk, in the night garden, cuddle.
7pm bedtime story and another cuddle.
7.30 back downstairs, soaps
8/9pm (dependent on day) do the housework. NEVER do housework with a toddler about.
9/10pm go upstairs and get all teary eyed over how big your little darling is getting
Rest of night, avoid college work. or do it out of boredom

It doesn't matter if the front page of your signed Jodi Picoult book gets scribbled over. Your toddler is only signing it, but with a million times more love

Use every available chance for a cuddle

When you're out of ideas for games, just tickle them. That game never gets old.

Baby bath water should have no icecubes in it or steam coming off it.

The majority of children* will potty train. If it is at 1.5, 2, 2.5, 3.... it will not matter so much when you they are 60. So why worry, and why carry knickers with poo on around town?

*Clearly special needs or childhood illness may mean this is different for everyone.

What is harder work in the short term makes life sooo much easier in the long-term......sleep training, discipline etc etc.

I don't usually do this but I'd like to defend Bonsoir's (much) earlier comment.

Those of you complaining are confusing cause and effect (understandably, with what it sounds like you've been through).

She didn't say that if you do speak to your children they will automatically be good talkers, but that if you don't then they almost definitely won't be.

Use help from anyone and everyone who offers it.