The Golden Rules of Parenting

[JustineMumsnet]

What would yours be? (We are just mulling this in the office) Mine would be not to say: No, NO NOO, oh alright then...

Now I don't want to be controversial, but Bonsoir, this is a complete misconception. I have two children, one who is 4 and very articulate, speaks clearly, with wide vocabulary, and is very confident with his speech. I have another son who is 2.8 and has a severe speech delay. In many families, in fact in most cases, a speech delay or disfunction is not due to lack of communications from the parents. It is a brain development issue or a muscle development issue. I actually take offence when people say to me 'well if you speak to him he'll end up talking'. It is not as simple as that.

My rule is to try and not become my mother. Be patient, not shout, stay calm, and play a lot

Unconditional love and security.
Having boundries.
Listening to them and giving plenty of time.
Setting by example-'do as I do not do as I say'
Realising that the only person you can control is yourself.
Benign neglect and lots of time to be bored.
Freedom to make mistakes and learn by them.
Access to books.
Above all a sense of humour-never take yourself too seriously!

The one my own mother used to say:
'Mummy is always right - even when she isn't'

Expect the unexpected

Lots of cuddles.

And tickling can diffuse many a difficult situation. Even with sullen acne-ridden teenagers.

know when negotiation ends and final word begins. a household shouldnt be run like the UN, nothing would ever get agreed. 'because im the grown up and i know best' is a healthy message to give a young child. leadership and rules will follow them throughout their lives.

use the best of your own childhood in shaping theirs - expensive toys are not necessary - long walks, laughter, learning and fresh air are.

Do not buy cabin beds.

Or a dog.

Don't try to be THE best, just do YOUR best. Don't constantly compare yourself or your children with other mothers/kids.

Don't drive off without them.

THE golden rule afaiac, is:

Don't shout at children for doing what children do - when YOU should have had the sense or forsight to remove things you know they will touch.

for example.

if you leave pens around and your child then writes their name on the wall - then quite frankly that's your fault.

If you leave important papers where they can reach = your fault.

drink where they can reach = your fault

if you give them food whilst they are sat on the setee and they make a mess = your fault

...you get the idea.

the other one of mine is

kids mess = great home.

if you have ( as i do) a dining table covered in bits of glitter, glue and cellotape - i think thats a better indication of how wonderful you are ( cos i am ) than if you have a table you only touch when you polish.

Encourage an early appreciation of and interest in divers cleaning materials. So much more fun that aforesadi glitter etc.

If you're wrong, admit it and apologise.

It might be a democracy but parents get the casting vote - every time.

If they're still alive at the end of the day you're doing ok.

MNHQ, just fyi, in the Discussion of the day box you've written this thread down as: Golden rules of parenting - and yours our?

The ambition of most days is to feed 'em up and wear 'em out...

Someone (jolly clever with relevant qualifications only can't remember who, now) once told me you can't be the perfect parent for every stage of childhood. The sort of person who is naturally good at mothering a baby is not the same as the sort of person who is naturally good at mothering a 6yo, or a toddler, or a teenager.

Gist of it was, relax and don't worry too much!

Even if you do think you've got it all under control, as soon as you've figured the little tinkers darlings out, they go and change.

at typo, deary deary me. MNHQ will never be allowed near a pedant thread ever again!

If you can stay calm everything is much easier. (avoid the I TOLD YOU NOT TO SHOUT syndrome...)

Read Playful Parenting (best ever parenting book) and take time to play with your child in the way that they choose, not the way you choose. Play is the natural language of kids.

What piscesmoon said pretty much encapsulates everything I believe about parenting - couldn't have put it better myself! Although 'this too shall pass' is also a phrase I do seem to use a lot...