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The Golden Rules of Parenting

386 replies

JustineMumsnet · 17/12/2009 16:01

What would yours be? (We are just mulling this in the office) Mine would be not to say: No, NO NOO, oh alright then...

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escortss · 19/12/2009 15:09
  1. A wise old bird (my dear gran) once told me that there are only 3 golden rules to parenting

Love them
limit them
and... leave them alone

have lost count of the amount of children who are not allowed to climb in the park, eat crisps, have a parent still putting shoes on for them at the age of 6, walking year 6 children through school to the classroom door rather than leaving them at the playground or even letting them walk to school with friends etc. etc. etc.

  1. Another favourite is to expose them to as much as is safe and possible. Don't ban Mcdonalds, barbies, disney etc. just because they dont fit into your view of the world. you would not ban books, drawing, organic carrots! These things are all part of the world that they will eventually independently live in. letting them make their own choices and mistakes is the only way to end up with a confident and independent adult.

  2. consistanacy, consistancy, consistancy (also from my gran!

piscesmoon · 19/12/2009 15:13

A very wise lady escortss-I bet her DCs turned out OK.

ManicMother7777 · 19/12/2009 16:01

My new rule is, if you spend all afternoon on Mumsnet, don't be surprised when the kids make a mess

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whomovedmychocolate · 19/12/2009 21:09

Remember your spouse learned his parenting skills from your mother in law - so it's not necessarily his fault he's a bit crap sometimes.

piscesmoon · 19/12/2009 23:05

Remember your MIL produced the man that you chose above all others and so must have very advanced parenting skills!!! (Spoken as the mother of DSs!)

Bodger · 19/12/2009 23:47

I'm fairly sure my MIL doesn't have advanced parenting skills.

mamasmissionimpossible · 20/12/2009 11:36

Always have chocolate in the house for emergencies, ie when you are at your wits end. (everyday here then!

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2009 11:37

It's quite fortunate that my DH turned out the way he has given that his mother is a loon.

coldtits · 20/12/2009 13:35

Accept that there will be at least one thing your child loves that you hate. This can be as precise as a particular Tv person, to as diffuse as an entire preschool setting, or as emotional as a whole person.

You then have to consider yourself carefully - is the program/preschool/person actually bad for your child, or do you just dislike it?

rowingboat · 20/12/2009 14:18

This is such a good thread, I can't say much new it has been covered, but I do try to remember that when I was a child I felt frustrated at limitations and lack of control, it was sometimes very difficult being a child. I also recall the reasoning I employed may not have made sense to many adults.
So based on this I try to give children a say in things and to explain why we are doing whatever it is, and be open to their ideas.
Which reminds me of a lesson it took a few years to learn, allow lots more time than you think to do everything.
I also try to understand the unique logic behind some of the trauma, remembering to ask 'why don't you want to?' has helped to resolve some melt downs.

trice · 20/12/2009 15:23

buy the cutest pjs you can find. When they won't go to bed or you are woken at three in the morning it is easier if they look thoroughly angelic.

BooHooo · 20/12/2009 17:35

When DD then 2 was admitted to hospital v ill I sobbed in front of her and the (excellent) Paediatrician called me aside and told me in no uncertain terms that I was never to cry like that in front of her again.

She said that at this age I am her world and if she feels I am out of control it can have a very negative impact on her. I never forgot this and try not to do it again. It can be hard though.

Aside from this I would say - there is usually a reason for so called terrible twos and tantrums. Usually they are tired, hungry or ill. Just be kind to them.

Some newborns sleep really well, others don't. You really won't change much by prancing around patting and whipping yourself up into a frenzy. It's pot luck really.

Don't join every group going just find one you like.

Choose a nice school for your child, one that works for them.

MavisEnderby · 20/12/2009 20:34

Remamber each child is unique,don't expect number 2 3 or 4 to do similar to number one.

Consistency is the key as someone else said.

Don't be afraid to say 'no" sometimes,it will not damage your child for life

Praise the good.

Finally,If your dc likes Lego,remember to hoover after they have played with it.There is nothing more painful than stepping on a Lego brick!! (Yes,I was watching James May,lol)

HohohoBumperlicious · 20/12/2009 21:09

Pick your battles wisely - problem is most of the time you won't realise something is going to be a battle until the arrows are flying and the tears are rolling!

abra1d · 20/12/2009 21:46

'The majority of children* will potty train. If it is at 1.5, 2, 2.5, 3.... it will not matter so much when you they are 60'

Hmmn. I know some primary school teachers who would disagree: some of them have children who aren't trained and it's very time consuming and unpleasant for them.

rowingboat · 20/12/2009 22:37

Mavis, are you advocating the hoovering up of lego!
I had better not let DS see this thread!

mrsboogiefairylights · 21/12/2009 01:01

leQueen you speak perfect sense.

mathanxiety · 21/12/2009 03:16

Do not ever cry in front of your child without offering a good explanation such as a death in the family, and getting your own tissue.

Do not ever turn your child into your confidante or gossip with them judgementally about other parents or children.

You are not your child's best friend and your child is not your bff either. They need to understand that they are accountable to you.

Your job is to lovingly encourage them to become independent from you, starting early.

What they look like doesn't matter. Don't obsess about appearance, especially with DDs.

Never talk about your weight in front of your children or allow anyone else to do this in front of them, (about your weight or theirs or your childrens').

Encourage and praise effort and thought process and organisational skills. Don't focus on results.

Take it one day (or one long pukey night) at a time. You can start again tomorrow.

mathanxiety · 21/12/2009 03:17

Oh yes, apologise when you have screwed up.

totalmadness · 22/12/2009 11:01

If you spend the morning on mumsnet make sure you're on the sofa with either laptop or phone and snugglng the dc

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 14/10/2010 23:08

Just looked at this again - these are ace.

OP posts:
babymutha · 15/10/2010 00:24

don't make any rules while you are pregnant with your first child and have NO IDEA of what you are about to get into

mamakoukla · 15/10/2010 03:00

a. it's all about the motivation
b. pick your battles
c. Mumsnet = sanity

I have found it applies to life in general. Parenthood does mellow you out and teach you about the important things in life.... err and I haven't quite made it though the whole thread so apologies if I am reiterating

Kathyjelly · 15/10/2010 04:57

Never underestimate a child's perception.

piscesmoon · 15/10/2010 07:11

I just read this and was going to comment when I saw escortss had 3 points from her gran that covered it all and then I saw that it was a really old thread and that I had already said that she was a wise woman whose DCs must have turned out well! There is nothing to add to her list-and people would do well to read it and reflect.