The Golden Rules of Parenting

[JustineMumsnet]

What would yours be? (We are just mulling this in the office) Mine would be not to say: No, NO NOO, oh alright then...

Take more time and effort to praise than moan.

Never, ever assume that two quiet children upstairs means that they're playing nicely together. It means they're causing havoc in the rooms you've just cleaned, namely the bathroom.

5yr old girls will go aroung telling anyone who will listen that mummy is mean for not allowing her pink hair extensions/high heels/a television in her room/and for daring to give birth to two boys. Ignore it.

Keep smiling.

Teach them to be polite. Please!

And always follow through on your threats/promises!

The patience thing is important. I wasn't a 'natural' as a mum (my daughter is at university now) and I can remember having to tell myself 'she isn't being annoying, this is what being a two (or three, or four) year old is like.'

Also, taking myself and her off to have a bath midday, when she was wearing me out when she was less than a year old.
And, when she was wanting my attention, and I couldn't really be bothered, forcing myself to stop what I was doing, crouch down to her level, look her in the face and ask her to repeat what she had said, because I hadn't been listening properly. Her response was so sweet.
You've got to try and make an effort all the time really, it's hard, hard, hard.

don't assume that, because [whatever it is] works for your DCs and you, it will work for others and their DCs.

maybe 'it' would work for their DCs if they were your DCs, but it has to work for the parents and the kids.

and don't be fooled into thinking you can speak in code or spell words and your 2-yr old won't know what you are talking about. they KNOW...

LeQueen, and Piscesmoon -- I agree 100% about crying/control/ being the grown up. Yes, you can acknowledge that you're sad, nobody is a robot after all, but children need to feel that you're in charge, and that you're the buffer between them and the big things that happen in the big world beyond the family, because the alternative is that they are in charge and they must deal with the world on their own, and that's scary.

And also nipping everything in the bud very important.

My DCs have had a strict 9 o'clock bedtime for as long as I can remember, and it works for me and for them as they are never going to win medals for sleeping, nor am I. They have never had issues with calling for drinks of water, getting back up and bothering me after bedtime, etc.

I agree with nipping in the bud-it makes it so much simpler. The very first time that I put mine to bed and they got straight out I was very firm and said, with great authority, that it was bed time and they stayed there. I found that if I really believed in something then they got the message-it is all to do with body language.The quieter that you say it the better.

'Now my son will see us both out of control at times because that is life'

I don't believe that it is life!! You are an adult and you stay under control when you have DCs. It doesn't mean that they don't see emotion or that you are cold and unfeeling, it simply means that when you are a parent you have responsibility before anything. I have been known to go out of the room, count to ten, and come back resolved to smile and be positive!

Don't often spot general patterns in life, so have had to think hard what my rules would be... Have come up with these:

Accept your children. Accept their likes and dislikes while encouraging them to branch out, accept their individuality and personalities while encouraging them to grow, accept their fears as real to them even if faintly absurd to you, accept their dreams for the future, even if (especially if) it's not what you hoped for.

Don't teach your children to say thank you. Teach them to say, "Thank you mummy, you're the bestest mummy in the whole world." Even though it's your own words echoed straight back at you, it sounds great! Better still, they get to see you like it! :)