The Golden Rules of Parenting

[JustineMumsnet]

What would yours be? (We are just mulling this in the office) Mine would be not to say: No, NO NOO, oh alright then...

enjoy what you can

forgive yourself and them what you can't.

If you say no and you mean no, don't change it to yes for an easy life. It only makes for an easy 5 minutes.

Next time there's a dispute they'll know that if they push hard enough for long enough you'll change our mind!

Tell them what to do, not what NOT to do. So, not 'don't run around the room', but 'please come and sit down'.

BTW have just shouted at them and cried in front of them, feel awful

remember you are a person first, don't become all consumed by your children

remember your children are people too, they aren't possessions. Your job is to get them to adulthood as happy, productive, well rounded individuals as possible

Be honest with them

Hey swanriver, I always have a bed time! It's just my DC that don't

Golden Rules of Parenting - And yours our?

Oh sorry JamesandtheGiantPeach i didn't see you'd already picked up on that!

'No such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing'

It's become a cliche but if you have a whingy 2 year old on a rainy, windy day, life becomes much easier if you can both go for a brisk tiringromp.

Pick your battles

The answer to 'Is your bedroom tidy?' is always 'No' - no matter what they actually say.

Always worry when it goes quiet.

And as my mum told me when ds1 was born - "You'll spend the first two years teaching him to walk and talk - and the next 16 telling him to Sit Down and Shut Up!"

Enjoy good phases (of sleep, eating etc) as it might not last- definitely don't be publicly smug about it!

didn't go to bed due to depressed inertia

heighho i didn't want to make anyone feel bad, it's just a list of the crapola things i would not do if I had our time again

am sure you are a great mum (it's just am absolutely sure i'm not and i was feeling it v much when I posted)

Pick your battles.

This is on here at least three times and is so true.

peacock there is nothing wrong with crying in front of your children. They need to know that their parents have emotions and they need role models to show them that having and showing emotions is ok and indeed healthy.

You ok peacock?

My golden rule(s) would be:

treat children with respect

Fostering independance is far more loving and useful in the long-term than doing something for your children that they could otherwise do for themselves.

I hope that you are OK, Peacock. I thought that all your rules are very sensible and I fully agree that you should never cry in front of them. I hope that you managed it-you sound a great mum and we all have bad days. As a DC one of my biggest fears was my mother crying-I wanted her to be strong and in control. I had a friend whose mother was often in tears and I felt really sorry for the friend.
Scaredoflove had a really important one to remember-they are not your possessions.

thank you for kind words

I'm ok, sort of shit but ok. Floating around here trying to forget it. Am often impressed by patience and self discipline of mums here. Everyone's golden rules are great. All I need now is a time machine.

night and thank you again

My favourite: pick your battles. I have spent too many hours back and forth to the naughty step over something I've forgotten half way through!

{btw, the spelling on discussions of the day is paining me too!]

I think that you only have to be a 'good enough' mum -you are the one your DCs want-warts and all! The 'perfect mother' would be hell to live with!

dont call 6 year olds who act up or have a tantrum 'babies' it's normal behaviour occaisionally even at that age. Don't expect too much of them. Always be on their side, don't be embarrased or ashamed when they're upset in public if you can identify with the reason, they're far more important than anyone else. Don't feel guilty when they are happily playing without you even if you've hardly seen them all day. They'll come to you when they want attention so don't always feel like you should do x, y or z with them when they're content as they are, it's a shock when you realise the difference between a pre-schooler and a 5 or 6 year old..they just don't need constant attention you're not doing anything wrong! Always go to their school plays and sports days and always take an interest in their friends and school life.

Eeek, change the OUR to ARE at the side there >>>!!!

[tut]

Never let a toddler near the car keys while they are sitting in said car. [bitter experience emoticon]

Before you automatically stop them doing something 'socially unconventional', think 'Is it really important that they don't do this- is it going to hurt someone, break something or cause a nuisance?'. If not, let them get on with it

Ok, one rule. Don't have set ideas of what your DC will be like, do or think. Because they won't be, do or think as you expect. For the most part.

Keep an open mind. That is the very best thing about being a parent. Having your mind opened to different ways of thinking by people that you made but didn't design.

Don't tolerate rudeness or unkindness, and keep a sense of humour. Let them do things for themselves and don't hover too much but no matter how grateful you are for the peace, if two minutes go by with no noise GO AND CHECK WHAT THEY'RE UP TO.