The Golden Rules of Parenting

[JustineMumsnet]

What would yours be? (We are just mulling this in the office) Mine would be not to say: No, NO NOO, oh alright then...

My only rule is that the very best parenting is that which is modelled: do what I do, not what I say.

You cannot possibly expect your DCs to live up to standards of behaviour that you yourself are unable to uphold.

I agree with ignore the bad behaviour to a degree. Sometimes they really, really need you to step in and "stop" them.
And when they get older they need to feel that you are engaged, even if they are tantrumming.
I'd feel very pissed off if the perosn I'm arguing with is ignoring me.

I think I'll go down the road of don't make a big deal of the bad behaviour, still dicipline, time out,corner, step. (which means teach I think in old Greek or Latin oh! you know what I mean)
Praise good behaviour and good work. Don't be overly gushing about everything as it devalues the really good stuff.
Have fun with your kids (yes that old one they are little for such a short time!

Never threaten them with a punishment unless you are prepared to carry it out if necessary. Always carry out said punishment if they do not listen and continue with the bad behaviour that warranted the threat.

Talk to your children and ensure that you do tell them when they are being good and that they are making you proud/happy etc. It is too easy to overlook the good behaviour in favour of a quiet moment.

Don't ban sweets/fizzy drinks/crisps etc totally. A little of what is bad for you can be a good thing in the long run as they will not go so mad about these things when they finally get the chance to make choices for themselves.

Teach your children the value of money - make them earn their pocket money with small but manageable jobs appropriate to their age. Encourage them to save up for new toys/books etc.

LeQueen -on picking the battles -
"If you allow them to stand screaming, mash play dough into your sofa, wear weelies on hot day when they're 3, you won't have a cat in Hell's chance of stoping them dressing like a Pussycat Doll when they're 11."

I am eternally gratefull to a very good friend who gave me that advice when I was struggling with a badly behaved four year old.
She said almost exactly the same as you.
Quite a brave thing to say to a friend, not everyone takes criticism of their parenting skills well. We had taken the route of ignoring bad behaviour for a quiet life when DS was a baby and somehow never got out of the habit.
I took on board what my friend said and changed dramatically the way I dealt with the DCs.
Result, 2 well mannered well behaved boys who are now 12 and 14 and would undoubtably have been more difficult to manage if I had not done this.

Remember you will not always be sleep deprived!

"If it makes you cross I will take it away"

I have been saying this over and over for the last 9 years and it still works!!

Thought I should just clarify that when I say that I mean when they get cross with their toys etc! DS is really bad at getting really annoyed with his Nintendo when he can't play the game!

chill! as long as you do your best, it will work out fine.

"Don't get mad, get even."

Tolerate their worst excesses with serenity, confident that one day you will turn into a cantankerous, manipulative old git who will be a burden to them in later years.

That last one is genius, I really feel much better about my parenting after reading that.

I try to talk to my children as though someone is listening in.

I used to live in a terraced house where if you shouted the neighbours could hear and vice versa. Always made me careful about shouting at the kids as I knew I'd have to face the sweet old couple next door, after having a screech which was embarrassing. I get irritable quickly so it forced me to talk and explain our way through situations more.

Moved house now but still stay in the habit, especially when they're really pissing me off. Makes me 10% nicer/more resonable to them than I would be otherwise!

Always make up at the end of the day! No matter how old your 'kids' are (mine are 20,17 and 8) I never want to have a row and go to bed on it.

Oh and no: swearing, stealing, bullying etc etc etc. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

Don't yell at your child or embarrass them in front of their friends.

Don't over entertain them. Seriously, some folk seem to have a bursting timetable of activities when all the child needs is some down time, to doss around and be curious.

I grew up hearing 'only boring people get bored'. We had to invent ways of having fun and it seemed to work out fine.

It's not actually true though is it, that only boring people get bored? I say it occasionally to one of mine, but actually I have 2 who never get bored, one who regularly does. She's just a restless type. But you couldn't accuse her of being more boring than my other children who are better at amusing themselves.

Probably not, but being bored can have a good end result if it pushes you to explore things that might interest you.

Who would go back to their childhood?

It is actually often less effort to just take mine out than encourage them to channel their creative energies. All of mine love art and craft and making things. Big messy things. All over the place. Lots of them. sometimes a trip to the zoo seems frankly restful in comparison

but I think we're off the topic of the thread here. I do agree that it's good not to fill their days with organised activities, but I can see that some children really do like a lot of activities, others are keener to do more chilling or self-motivated exploration at home.

LeQueen - well said.

My golden rule, if you want to be able to eat out in a restaurant with your children, then you need to eat with them at home, and they need to stay seated at the table. Start that rule from when they are little, and you will get children you can take to eat anywhere.

Agree very much with Bonsoir. To keep an eye on myself for asking behaviour of my dc I don't put into practise myself. Or the other way round (on my better days) - to lead by example.

'But, protracted sobbing infront of your children is bang out of order, and self indulgent.

I agree, I had a friend when I was a DD who used to do this and I found it terrifying-I was so glad that my mother was in control.

I also agree about sitting at the table-it just makes life so much easier if they are polite when eating out. It wasn't hard ,but it does mean that you have to talk to them! You can't just talk above them to other adults and ignore them.