New mum needs a bit of help

[dizzytrout]

Hi there,
I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 9 days ago, I ended up having an emergenct C-section and staying in hospital for 4 days so we just got home last Tuesday.
I started feeling a little down, as I know is normal with the baby blues, but it seems to be sticking around longer than I thought.
I'm still feeling really teary and I don't feel that I'm bonding properly with my baby.
She likes being held, as all new babies do, but she cries a lot when we try to put her in her moses basket, I've tried everything from swaddling to warming the moses basket, but it's quite unpredictable, sometimes she goes down ok, others she doesn't.
The thing is that I've started to dread the evenings, last night it took 4 hours to settle her and when I look at her I love her, but I just feel so anxious. I cry about almost everything and I suppose I just need a bit of reassurance that everything is normal.

Well we've tried the faster flow teats and she is taking more formula but unfortunately still very unsettled. I went to pharmacy today and asked for advice, they suggested infacol as I mentioned that she keeps hold of her wind and sometimes looks really uncomfortable and cries a little after feeds(pumps a lot but no burps)
She's has infacol for last 3 feeds now, but we're going to give it a few days to see if it works.
Putting her down in basket still a big problem but I'll see hoe infacol works as this may have something to do with her not wanting to go in her moses basket.
I'm just not really sure where to start about her being in her own room, it's a little difficult as our room is a loft conversion and her nursery is downstairs so I'm not sure if that's too far away from us. I think she'll sleep better in a sleeping bag as she kicks her covers off but she's still too young for them and I think she needs to be in cot as the moses basket would be too small??
As for me, well I got a better sleep thanks to lots of help yesterday, I thought I would feel tons better this morning but no, still crying and feelling crap, I just want to be able to look forward to things again...

dizzy.....one sleep is not going to mend the whole experience youve had...i wish it would be, then occassionaly, I wouldnt feel quite so frazzled! ...better sleep will help both of you though, so stick with it. If you really are feeling so down though, speak to the HV again....they should have given you the number for them, if not look it up...in my eyes, a bit better than a gp for now, only because they are specialised in the subject, having said that, if you feel more comfortable with your gp then do speak to him/her too....the main point in all of this is to try things until they work, keep an open mind..take all the advice and help offered and if it works for you great, if not try again and then, try another method!!something will work. I promise! you have to wait a while for the infacol to work to be honest, i think it took about a week for me to see the difference, but please remember, most babies take around 6 weeks just to get the hang of living!!!

remember we are all here to support you, whatever way you need....heres sending you hugs and love x x

dizzy I'm here feeling a little worried I've bombarded you with advice, the last thing a tired new mum needs is to feel bamboozle.... The room thing was just an idea and may not suit until a bit later on. Tell me to back off with the advice if you want

As kingbeat says, many people call the first 6 weeks "the fourth trimester" a the baby is basically still developing.

Hope the infacol helps - it did help me

Just to say that I was aneamic after both c sections and made me feel TERRIBLE, really down, so maybe it is worth mentioning to gp, you can take a suppliment called spatone to keep iron levels up which isn't to hidious, or floradex is good too.
I know how bad and never ending it feels, but it really will get better, and you seem to be doing everything right. Infacol might do the trick.
I also think it's the worst time of year to have babies! my ds2 is 8 weeks, and the short days really don't help!!
Ds2 wouldn't settle in moses basket, we got a bed side cot so we can just shove him over when he's asleep, maybe swaddling might help? and if not sleeping bags are fab
keep on trucking!!!

Not at all Jamie, I really do appreciate all of the help and advice from everyone, it has been a great help to come on mumsnet and read about other peoples experiences and advice.
I was given Iron tablets when I left hospital so I have been taking them too.
DP is back at work today, I feel so lost and alone, I'm going to try and get ready and go for a walk.
I'm just wondering how long it will take for things to get better, I know it's probably different for everyone but I feel like I'm at the bottom of a black hole.

no dizzy, 1st mum is a scary bloody time for everyone i think, my best friend has just had her 4th and even then she still gets the days where she doubts herself....hairymonkey is right, the short days dont help, so get out in that sun as often as you can....its really good for boosting the happy hormones....come one here as often as you want and rant away to us dizzy as i am sure most of us have had the feelings you have, hopefully its helped just knowing youve normalised the feelings and that most of us have felt them at one time or another.

Have you got any friends that have babies??or even others children??if not, how about finding the nearest baby/toddler group, i found that having someone to chat to whilst DP was/is at work helps and it forces you to go out of the house when i could quite easily spend days at a time indoors trawling mumsnet the internet!

hope youre enjoying your walk....stay in touch and hugs and love (( ))

Oh god, I really do feel for you.
With ds1, I didn't know anyone with babies, all my friends were still going out having fun without me, cows! I felt very isolated, after a couple of months I met up with a friend of a friend with a little one and this made life alot easier, having someone in the same boat who "got it" was great.
I also really got into going to baby cinema sessions! not sure what help that one is, just used to really look forward to it!

dizzy - for me - 6 weeks was a turning point - when DS1 first smiled. Then around 12 weeks. It's just a general upward trajectory.

hairymonkey Wish baby cinema sessions had existed when I was a new mum. Failing that dizzy, get some video box sets in and gorge yourself on House or something ... You don't have to be sitting watching the baby the whole time (I used to feel guilty if I wasn't)

Another thing that looks good which didn't exist before is Pushy Mothers or similar. Exercise classes in a local park - basically just pushing your baby round in a buggy and stopping to do a few squat thrusts . Good because you are outside and if the baby gets a bit difficult you can just bugger off home !

Oh forgot ... This Too Will Pass xx

How are you doing Dizzy?

Hey, you survived your first day alone with your baby, well done.

Don't feel that you have to try out everything that we know-it-alls wise women advise on this thread, just cherry pick the things that sound good to you and fit in with your life.

Should preview. That should be knowitalls

I've hit rock bottom today, I feel awful just coming on to moan but I don't know what else to do, I can hardly see what I'm writing for crying.
Had another night of on and off sleep, dd kept falling asleep on me then when I tried to put her in her moses basket she cried, so I ended up just napping on and off with her on my chest which is really not great, it's not good for her or me as the sleep quality isn't good. I just don't know what to do any more, I feel like she's permanently attatched to me, I've has bits of help and breaks but I just can't handle it when I've got her. Well I do handle it, but I just feel terrible the whole time (I hope this doesn't sound horrible and selfish but at the moment, I really don't like it, I hate it - not my dd,just the whole situation).
I ended up calling the HV in tears, I'm just waiting for her to ring me back now.
Oh dear, I must sound terrible, I really don't want to feel like this, please can someone tell me when it gets better, I'm really struggling.

They always tell you 6 weeks, and it does seem to settle down, but it's gradual, and it seems to get slowly better without realising it. It does sound like you're having the worst time. You're not horrible or selfish, just new at this, on top of all the crappiness of being a new mum, the last thing you need to do is give yourself a hard time!
You've just spent 9 months growing dd, then you laboured AND had major surgery! plus your life has changed beyond all recognition, and you have a new born baby to contend with, the fact you're able to do anything apart from lie on the sofa is amazing!
Please believe me that it will get better, I promise, wether you have the baby blues or pnd, you will get better.
You are being so brave, and getting the support you need from hv is the best thing you can do for dd and you.
Please get as much time off as you can, and don't feel guilty, you need it and deserve it, and people will be happy to help

You don't sound terrible at all. Really. It's really, really hard work looking after a newborn. You don't have to love every minute.

6 weeks was a bit of a turning point for me as DS started smiling then but it may not be the same for you.

Things also got better when I sorted out a routine of things to do with my time - baby groups and so on. Going from a full time job to being a SAHM is a shock to the system! I just needed a bit of structure and routine to my week. And getting out and talking to other mums was a massive help.

Will she sleep in the pushchair? That was a lifesaver for me when DS was tiny. He got a good sleep, I got fresh air. Wasn't very restful but I lost loads of weight

Have you seen the doctor? Talking to the HV may help - be honest about how you are feeling, it's really not anything to feel guilty about.

It will get better.

dizzy hope you've had a chat with the HV. You do not sound terrible. It is very very hard first time round. A total shock as BorntoFolk says.

Hang in there x

If, by any chance, you live in my bit of London, I would gladly come round and take the baby out.

Absobloodylutely will second that motion Jamie...

Hi Dizzy, my DD was very much like yours and two things that helped for us were:

• A motorised swing, she would settle in that when she wouldn't be put down otherwise; and

• white noise; we used to put the hairdryer on when we wanted her to settle into her crib at night and it was the only thing that would make her go to sleep.

Sorry if you've already had these suggestions, reading and running so haven't read the whole thread!

I third that motion. Where are you dizzy? I'd gladly come and snuggle your baby help out!

I make a very nice cuppa too, even if I do say so myself, and I would stand over you and make sure you drink the whole thing ..

Wow, thank you so much, I'm absolutely overwhelmed by how lovely you are all being - unfortunately I'm right up North, or I wouls have loved to meet some of you, I think that wouls have really helped. I live about 50 to 60 miles from my family and most of my friends, neither me or my D.P. know that many people where we live really, so I guess that doesn't help much.
I'm going to a baby days class this morning, there are HV's there and other mums so hopefully I might make some new friends there.
I also have a docs appointment, I managed to get an earlier one for this afternoon after calling the HV in tears the other day, she said it's sonding like I may have PND or a bad case of the blues.
Days/nights still all opver the place, had another couple of days where dd was crying all afternoon and evening on and off (another growth spurt or colic, I'm just not sure?) Even my really patient DP was running out of steam by last night, we just couldn't pacify her and we started to get narky with each other.

where are you, vaguely? There are norther MNers - have you seen MN local?

I'm neaish to Durham/Sunderland, i haven't, I will have a look though, thank you.

that's us!!

you up to a christmas meal