I panicked feeling unprepared for parenthood at 38 weeks and took a tree identification course to help me be the kind of parent I wanted to be. What a plonker!

[nevergoogledragonbutter]

DH and I were remembering the other day that we were so worried that we weren't ready to become parents and we didn't know enough to pass on to our unborn child.

I promptly booked us onto a tree identification walk in a local ancient woodland and spent the day filling our heads with information we could teach our child.

I was so pregnant I didn't fit through the kissing gate and they had to open up the big farm gate for my waddling self.

He'll be 5 this week and has still never asked us about particular types of trees.

His favourite tree is 'a green one'.

The other day he spent hours quizzing us on killer whales and DH said, 'Can't you ask us about trees?'

I'm really really hoping somebody else is going to come along and tell me what stupid things they felt necessary to being a prepared parent so I don't feel quite so silly.

At least you did something to prepare you for parenthood. I was so focused on the whole pregnancy and childbirth thing that I never gave a thought to the fact that at the end of the process there would be a real live person. That I would be looking after. A few hours after DD1's birth reality struck when her nappy needed changing and I realise that, incredibly, I was going to have to do it. All by myself. I don't think I had ever even handled a nappy before. It took me a few goes before I realised how to tell which was the front.

DH was concerned that the baby clothes all said, 'keep away from fire' on them. He expected fire retardant suits in case of an accident. Arf.

Ha ha.

Trying to think if I did anything stupid like that?

Nope

Think cuntwhacker, think.

You must have done something to prepare that was completely pointless or a little bit premature!

dragon, that is priceless. Never mind, by the time he's 7 it might come in handy!
I don't think I did anything like that at all - I even gave up on any pg books because I couldn't be arsed.

oh yes, pointless things - I bought a nappy wrapper.

Does that count?

well i never bought a nappy wrapper!

[tongue sticking out emoticon]

wassat then? I bought hardly anything, but I did go a bit poncetastically pfb and bought an organic cocofibre mattress with organic matted wool protector and cotton sheets - almost everything else was given to us or we got free or at bargain price through carboot sales etc.

Still, glad I did it cos DS was the most overheating baby ever - and if he'd been on any kind of artificial foam he would have been even worse.

I can sell you mine if you like?

ah yes, stockpiling classic books is exactly the same sort of thing.

we have a roald dahl box set. perfectly untouched.

when do they start enjoying being read to, with proper long stories?

oh, that remonds me. when I went for my 12 week scan, I took the instructions to have a full bladder a bit too seriously and drank a 2 litre bottle of water just before going in.

Not only did it mean I nearly pissed myself as soon as the sonographer pressed down on me, but there was so much fluid in my bladder they couldnt see through it the baby!

oh no! I have stockpiled lots of beautiful classic books as well - the full Winnie the Pooh, Beatrix Potter etc.; plus the modern Thomas the Tank Engine books - I hope DS will get into them or I'll be forcing him to read them or else really upset!
I expect I'll be all right with the Thomas books, not so sure about the others...

2 litres!

I nested furiously too.
I even organised all the batteries in the house into size order.

Babies appreciate that sort of thing.

Oh yes. A whole 2 litre bottle.

The relief when the sonographer told me I'd have to empty my bladder before she could continue with the scan was immense! I was worried the moment of seeing baby for the first time would be ruined by me pissing all over the scanning couch.

I'm off to bed. I fully expect for my stupidity to be trumped by the next time i log on.

Good luck with that!

Oh yes, the nesting. I sorted out all of DH's shit into labelled boxes.

Over the years it has deteriorated back to its original state, but his shed is still full of platic boxes labelled such as:
"screws: 1 inch"
"screws: 3 inches"
"rawlplugs for plasterboard"

etc

and no, your stupidity on the Tree identification will not be trumped by me

'night

lmao.

i'm not alone, thanks

dragonbutter those roald Dahl will come in very soon, don't worry.

I actually think RD is to read to yourself, not to be read to. When he's about 7 or 8 I would say.

I did lots of daft things I am sure; when pg with DS1 I refused to eat chocolate, maybe thinking it would mean he wouldn't like it (doh)

hmm, i'm assuming that didn't work.

i was fairly confident this would have been trumped by now! was i really the most unrealistic pregnant woman ever?