I panicked feeling unprepared for parenthood at 38 weeks and took a tree identification course to help me be the kind of parent I wanted to be. What a plonker!

[nevergoogledragonbutter]

DH and I were remembering the other day that we were so worried that we weren't ready to become parents and we didn't know enough to pass on to our unborn child.

I promptly booked us onto a tree identification walk in a local ancient woodland and spent the day filling our heads with information we could teach our child.

I was so pregnant I didn't fit through the kissing gate and they had to open up the big farm gate for my waddling self.

He'll be 5 this week and has still never asked us about particular types of trees.

His favourite tree is 'a green one'.

The other day he spent hours quizzing us on killer whales and DH said, 'Can't you ask us about trees?'

I'm really really hoping somebody else is going to come along and tell me what stupid things they felt necessary to being a prepared parent so I don't feel quite so silly.

I bought a book about trees in a panic about not being able to tell an ash from my elbow.

Still upstairs, unopened.

I say, "Ask Grandad" so DD now takes photos to email to Grandad if we cannot answer her questions.

It's not too late guys.

Getting to know conifers weekend!!!

let all your ante-natal friend know!

I wanted dd to hear classical music while I was pregnant. But I don't really like the stuff. So while I watched crap interesting things on telly I put headphones with lovely music playing on my belly.

Poor kid, I'm surprised she didnt turn out half deaf!

erm. nope. did if anything too little prep - my lounge was still bare plaster & floorboards until a week before due date and everything was about getting that finished.

i bought a large tv and a laptop. this proved to be sensible. still don't have a baby monitor (am of a philosophical bent - if its yelling and i can't hear it, is there a problem?)

was bought a fork & spoon by a friend which DD has just started using aged 2.

From reading the title of the thread I thought it was going to be a course with a tree diagram that would identify what sort of parent you would be.

I am sure I did daft things while pregnant. Sadly having given birth to two children has made my brain unable to remember any of them....

From reading the title of the thread I thought it was going to be a course with a tree diagram that would identify what sort of parent you would be.

I am sure I did daft things while pregnant. Sadly having given birth to two children has made my brain unable to remember any of them....

Love the spreadsheet!!!

I sang a comfort song to the bump at every opportunity (when I was alone) so that when it was born I could sing it and it would, you know, comfort them. It never worked, she has never shown an ounce of recognition when I sing said song! Incey wincey bloody spider was what did the trick for a while and is still a firm favourite.

DH slept on the fleece for the buggy to scent it for comfort. It smelt of wool.

I've been thinking about a book on trees, but also mushrooms (in case we ever decide to go forraging - currently live in London) and birds.

Message withdrawn

I sang bob marley to my bump in the hope that he would be born with dreadlocks.

although have to admit that was actually a good idea. when he was born very sick and in an incubator in NICU, they wouldn't let me hold him. I sang him the same bob marley song instead of cuddling him and he settled right down from tears.
(some of this hippy shit works you know)

Awww, glad it works, ha ha at the dreadlocks.

Mine was Summertime and to be honest by the time she came even I was sick of it. Now she ggets fly me to the moon and dd2 loves it too.

I became crazed and manic when I hit eight months, sanded the floorboards of the stairs, upstairs hallway and baby's room, painted them all white (it looked CLEAN, you see), put together a massive flatpack chest of drawers, the cot, a tall bathroom cabinet, painted the bathroom. Totally unnecessary, we moved a year later and ds1 must have been in his room for all of six months....what a lunatic. Also Obsessively watched the baby whisperer on Discovery Channel and then agonised over not following her advice once ds1 was born.

Dragonbutter, I nosed at your profile, love your mosaics, they're fab

Am very impressed by the number of budding (sorry) tree enthusiasts that this thread has revealed.

Would be very happy to exchange tree identification tips for advice on how to entertain a stroppy 10 month old who can already outwit me at nappy changing time!

why thankyou geraldine.

i'be been formulating a new design in my head tonight. i love this stage of a mosaic.

pushmepullyou, if you have an old mobile phone or dont mind giving him/her yours to hold, thats the only thing that used to work with my champion nappy anarchist. They are so delighted at getting hands on forbidden object, they forget to struggle....

Dragonbutter, how exciting, whats the next one to be of, or is it a secret?

not sure yet top secret

Oh my, the excel spreadsheet of parenting styles is just the funniest thing I have read in ages.

Do you still have it? Could you post it for us? Oh, and what style did you decide to go with?!?!

Thank you for making my night.

well my instructor spent a lot of time with his arms around me holding the golf club, telling to stick my arse out FURTHER to get the bump out of the way

Honestly it was terrible

I can sense a business opportunity here:

wildflower/butterfly/fairy/dinosaur/stars and planets/truck identification for the modern parent

how much could I get away with should I charge do you think?

now why didn't that work?

back to work!

i did attempt to join a barbershop quartet choir while pregnant with DS2 and was told I couldn't possibly sing properly with a huge baby in my tum. Something to do with lung expansion.
But the teacher never copped a feel MP.

LOL oh stop it with your barbershop quartet choir, that's hillarious!!

i'm not even nearly joking geraldine.

I love a good hobby me.

lol I am loving your hobbies

Oh, I love this thread, I got really anxious about tree identification when pregnant too but settled for lots of unopened well-cared-for spotter guide books...

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say to OP, that's the best laugh I've had all weekend!

Can't trump the tree identification course but am thinking about daft baby gear purchases which I suppose can put me firmly next door to you in plonker-land (this must have been done on another thread) Towelling change-mat cover from the White Company anyone? you can imagine what happened the first and last time I used that