I panicked feeling unprepared for parenthood at 38 weeks and took a tree identification course to help me be the kind of parent I wanted to be. What a plonker!

[nevergoogledragonbutter]

DH and I were remembering the other day that we were so worried that we weren't ready to become parents and we didn't know enough to pass on to our unborn child.

I promptly booked us onto a tree identification walk in a local ancient woodland and spent the day filling our heads with information we could teach our child.

I was so pregnant I didn't fit through the kissing gate and they had to open up the big farm gate for my waddling self.

He'll be 5 this week and has still never asked us about particular types of trees.

His favourite tree is 'a green one'.

The other day he spent hours quizzing us on killer whales and DH said, 'Can't you ask us about trees?'

I'm really really hoping somebody else is going to come along and tell me what stupid things they felt necessary to being a prepared parent so I don't feel quite so silly.

There is NOTHING wrong with Golf!

Stealth I like the idea of writing a letter, it would at least buy me time. Wish I had thought of that in H&M

Wonder what wikipedia has to say about tooth fairies?

I don't think I was especially mad

but I did make DH test his sling with a 2kg bag of spuds - wish I'd taken a photo now...

Doodlez, you swotted up on long division while you were pregnant! ROFL!

That's got to be on a par with tree identification surely.

LOL. The thread title really made me laugh. Funnily enough i recently bought books on trees and wildflowers as i wanted to be able to tell my girls the names of trees and wildflowers like my grandpa used to tell me. Mine are 2 and 5 though. Funny that you did it when you were pregnant.
I assumed my recent purchase of tree and wildflower books were yet another sign that i am becoming middle aged!

I thought 'tree identification course' was going to be a sort of course where you identify what sort of parent you'll be according to your family tree, eg I'm an Ash because I'm tall and a bit flaky... (I grew up in Glastonbury.) But it was an actual course where you identified actual trees. Brilliant.

I organised our book shelves into genre order... but mostly I was just obsessed with the birth, so did a crano-sacral massage therapy course, drank gallons of raspberry leaf tea, embalmed myself in clary sage oil, had reflexology etc etc. It was all pointless. After being induced, the birth was pretty quick and then I was left with a - dun-duh-dah - baby . I had no idea what to do with him. But at least I knew exactly where to find my parenting books.

I decided to 'have a practice' with a breast pump before the birth - do not try this!

I remember crying because I couldn't remember any nursery rhymes past the first couple of lines and would therefore be a crap mum, then taking myself to the local charity shops to find a book.

pmsl!
I did take nesting to an extreme, tidied my desk and someone else's at work, reorganised the kitchen cupboards, reorganised the bookshelves & got rid of a load of books...
DD is 12 days old and has mentioned how wonderfully the kitchen cupboards are organised already!

oh but DH recently bought 2yo DS a birthday present - a huge book on dinosaurs (it has pictures labelled 'actual size') and one on space
DS not really allowed to touch them as he'll rip the pages and they were expensive

I need to do that tree ID course. DS is 5 and is forever asking me the names of trees. My mother is a great horticulturist so I'm looking forward to when we move closer to her and I can just say "Ask Granny".

I have blocked foolish pre-child notions from my mind. The only one I can remember is saying "but my child won't eat in the car" when my brother recommended leather seats in my new car.

I read the thread title and thought it was going to be some sort of voodoo/indigo child thing - that if you hugged an oak it would make you a better parent. I think the truth is much funnier .

But when I was about 8 I was OBSESSED with identifying trees. I didn't need to see the leaf - I could tell by the outline. I had loads of tree books and bitterly resented my mother's lack of interest and knowledge. You would have been my Ideal Mum, dragonbutter .

I bought loads of children's books in Spanish to read to my bump - in preparation for the baby to come out bilingual. I read fuck all.

This is funny , but also DB, why not just share the knowledga anyway?

Going for a walk, pick a leaf and say 'hey DS, this is a x,y or z tree.

My DSS is currently studying Horticulture at PHD level as a result of early interest and encouragement in an interest in the natural world.

That is what knowledge is best for....sharing....

The first thing my friend did when she found out she was pregnant, was to go and buy a naughty step... that was probably a bit premature seeing as her kids nearly 18months and still hasn't used it!!

I didn't even know you could buy a naughty step. We just used, how can I describe it, a step.

my thoughts exactly haha but I'm too polite to say anything!

pmsl at buying a step. did she live in a bungalow?

I was in denial, babies weren't going to change us, oh no, so my main purchases in the pre-baby weeks were a new squash racket, a new bike, and we also devoted considerable time and money to digging a deep garden pond. While I was pregnant. (That caused lots of rows a couple of years later when I insisted that we fill it in again and DP refused)

Hilarious!

I wrote my family history and life history in a book in case I died in childbirth and my baby never got to know me.

I read several books on "routine" parenting {Gina Ford etc) and several on Attachment Parenting (Sears etc). I then made an excel table and noted the plus and minus points for both techniques. DH was made to study said table for several hours ahead of a conversation about what kind of parents we should be. The conversation proved inconculsive so several friends were invited to add their opinions after studying the table sent to them via e-mail. None of these friends had any kids yet - thankfully they were very patient and polite about it all.

I found out at my 20wk scan that I was having a girl. After the scan I left the hospital, marched down the King's Road and promptly spent over £1000 on beautiful little embroidered dresses, skirts, tops and shoes (yes, shoes, about 5 pairs ) all in Newborn sizes. As it turned out, DD was a whopper and went straight into size 0-3 months, and lived in a babygro for about 6 months so never wore any of the clothes I bought. I couldn't even take them back because I'd already removed all the tags and washed everything.

Oh I wrote letters to my unborn too.

The final letter was written when he was 6 months old.

It read, 'Seriously, we need you to sleep, properly, ALL NIGHT! Thankyou'

OK, Artichokes, your Excel parenting spreadsheet gets my top vote...

... you emailed it to your friends.

ROFL.

did you do a powerpoint presentation?

i thought it was a 'what sort of tree would you be' course too.

i don't think i could identify an ash