Should parents be allowed to SMACK their child?........ Debate on ITV ........ THIS MORNING

[RTKangaMummy]

Smacking

When John Saunders' son began playing up during a shopping trip, he told the boy to behave himself. But the little boy who had rammed a trolley into his older sister, took no notice so his father gave him a slap on the legs. But only four days later John answered a knock at his front door and was confronted by two police officers. John, discovered he was under investigation for assault after a fellow shopper reported him. John joins us today, along with Denise Robertson and Carolyne Willow from the Children's Rights Alliance who believes that there should be a total ban on smacking.

.

Respect is the most vital part of any relationship, I believe. Personally I don't think it is possible to respect anyone who has hit you be it your parent, partner, teacher, friend etc so, IMO, ethics aside, why would you bring violence into the most precious relationship you will ever have and risk your child's respect for you? You can't get it back.

I can't believe that some people say that smacking isn't violence.

I think the most badly behaved children are the ones who are smacked regularly by their parents.

I agree Fairymum. In my experience as a family photographer that it sadly very true. Most kids who were a nightmare for me were walloped by their parents at some stage. How they thought that would make their kids smile for their photograph I don't know..!

I'm with Freckle generally, smacking bans will not prevent abuse by any means, abuse isn't about discipline- it's about out of control parents. I will confess to an occasional tap in an emergency situation- it's all very well aying my tone of voice should be enough, but actually all my three have restricted hearing (in varying amounts) and I'd far rather tap than they get run over. However, I am very clear about tap- attention getting, not pain. Pain is wrong, you shouldn't administer pain to someone you love. Or anyone else, for that matter.

This morning on BBC a pro-smacking lady said it was the ideal way to rason with kids too young for language! ridiculous- smacking a baby- [shcok]
What's the criteria for incitement to violence?

Until very recently if someone moved near me quickly I'd duck, expecting a thump because of the frequent attacks from my parents who used my 'behaviour' and required punishment as an excuse for beating the hell out of me. Kids shouldn't have to go through that, and smacking as a form of discipline is just not on. Emergency alerts yes OK, discipline no. I am a very strong believer in discipline, but not the violent kind.

my mum smacked me as a child but I didnt run around hittig others and as an adult I really try not to offend or hurt others feelings, I have smacked my daughters hand/bottom but it is a last resort (if I got to five) it was not to inflict pain but to shock - now thats she's bigger and I can explain thy why's and the don'ts and she continues to misbehave she gets put up to bed and I know that I will do the same with my son.

I think the point about respect in todays society is true todays teenagers and young adults really dont have a lot of respect and violence etc is growing but parents are being told that older ways of diciplining their children are wrong so they dont do it because they are laden with guilt and suspicion- so its a circle

Why do smackers never smack in public? This is my experience anyway. My mum could beat the seven colours of shit out of us but never in public.

My friends who say they smack at home never do in other peoples presence. Why?

if your mother was beating seven colours of shit out of you she must have known she was crossing the line and was ashamed

mummygow, I bet you anything most of the asbo-kids out on the street today have actually been smacked by their children. Discipline is just so much more than smacking. Smacking as discipline does not take any effort.

Not sure if there is so much less respect today. Doesn't every generation moan about lack of respect and have done since the age of the dinosaurs?

smacked by their parents I mean.....

Ban it.

Why not reserve shouting as a last resort?

fairymum agree with you wholeheartedly that smacking does not take any effort and there is more to disciplining but I also think different children respond to different types and I think if you did smack your child and it doesnt have the desired effect(after trying different methods)then you should not continue to keep on smacking you keep looking for the alternative but again I think that in my experience you should not have to keep smacking - thats where my counting came in - dd dint want me to get to 5

Why oh why oh why has yet another very sensitive thread been bought back up from ages and ages ago, first the smoking one and now the smacking one is someone playing about.

your right too flutterbee it is sensitive lets talk about the nice things we do with our children thats more exciting!!

Having flicked through the thread i'm wholeheartedly with WWB.

I just don't get how an adult can't hit an adult yet we are allowed to hit a child half our size.

A tap on the hand instinctively if a child tries to grab, say, a hot iron, of course that's different.
I always find it really strange and worse IMO when people say they never smack in anger only in thought out punishment!

I just blame the government when my children misbehave!

Of all the posts I agree with WWB's as well. I was terrified of my mother and I never want my children to feel like that about me. Plus when I look at my two gorgeous boys I don't feel I have the right to hit them (smacking is inescapably a form of hitting, albeit a very stylised one). They have the ability to make me madder than a wasp in a lampshade - and they do, all the time - but I regard it as my responsibility to control that and produce a reasoned, constructive response to their behaviour, just like the social responsibility we all have to behave decently towards each other, despite anger and frustration. Not that I am Mrs Perfect - far, far from it - or that I think there aren't 1001 other ways to damage your children! But to me it's very clear. Striking other human beings is plain old wrong.

Personally, I think theres a huge difference between an occasional tap on the hand to being beaten. My xH can remember getting the strap as a child on a regular basis and thinks it's ok to hit his children round the head (hard) if they misbehave (not my kids thank God). I remember being smacked once (though according to mum both bro and I got it quite often as we were quite fiesty) and I certainly don't go around beating people up.

I don't think smacking works so I don't do it and DS is reasonably well behaved, I find that taking away tv/fave toys and grandma are my most effective weapons.

However, and it's quite a big however, I hate with a passion people telling me how I can and can't discipline my own children. Where I live the kids that mill about at night are a disgrace. They threaten to rape pensioners and things have got bad enough for the local parish council to get CCTV in progress for the high street. They are disrespectful little shits! Now I know not all kids are like that but I know a few of the parents of some of the 'problem' kids and these are people the same age as me or thereabouts who were always in trouble with the police for fighting etc. So IME here violence begats violence.

These goody two shoes pc people get on my wick. They get you so frightened that if you even raise your voice (as shouting is verbal abuse!) that they'll take your kids from you. It only takes one person to make a complaint and you lose your kids and that's wrong isn't it?

I do agree that the parenting fascists have got everybody so frightened that you feel like you're bringing up your kids in a goldfish bowl. I was almost too scared to take ds to casualty when he fell out of his cot - and with good reason, because they put me through the ringer! I hope I haven't come across like that. I posted my opinion because this is a forum for posting one's opinions. I think it's a separate issue though. We should have a thread about the Parenting Police. I'm sure the air would be blue!

Firstly, of course you don't loose your children just because of one phonecall or if you shout at them.
Secondly, some parents do need to be told how to or how not to raise their children. Children have the right to protection and IMO protection from being smacked. They are not your private property. They are human beings.

Fairymum lol at government post

this airy fairy shyte makes me puke

They are not public property either. They are not property at all. They are children... and their parents have to have some room to make the very difficult decisions involved in bringing them up! Parenting is a highly individual and creative process. You can't just issue some blunt instrument of a manual (a la Tanya Byron) and then use the law as a cattle prod to make everybody comply. All it does is undermine parental confidence, and the natural strength of family relationships, even more. And in my view more genuine abuse cases get lost and buried in a system which s choked up dealing with petty witch hunts which common sense could have prevented! My view is that smacking is wrong. But I wouldn't send the police next door because she slaps her son's hand for running out into the road.

Fairymum - I agree. They are just little people, and as we'd get arrested if we smacked Mr Smith from number 23 in the face we should face the same punishment if we hit a child, harsher even as they are far less able to defend themselves.

However you should not be made to feel afraid of discipling your own children. When DS1 has run off at the park etc and I've yelled at him to come back and he's not I've run after him and grabbed him by his arm and held him he screams blue murder that I'm hurting him even though I've barely got hold of him. I have been stared at, glared at and even told to leave the poor boy alone by complete strangers! My previous HV thought DH was violent towards me (not so) and that I'm highly sensitive (when hormonal yes) and so kept popping in, just to 'see how I'm doing'. Made us feel like we are under a microscope and that we couldn't even give him a time out without thinking 'oh god are we abusing him'. We are in no doubt that she thought we abused our kids because we are 'unstable' and so we lived on the edge just in case she took it further. She took away our parental instincts for a while for no reason. She could have easily taken our children.

My DS has hand a tapped hand a few times, not hard, just gently to stop him injuring himself when he wouldn't listen to warnings. That's been the extent of the abuse our boy has suffered, apart from the over cuddling and too much kissing stuff which when he's older no doubt he'll see it as abuse himself.

Completely with WWB on this. It is not necessary to smack a child to discipline it effectively. I think it should be banned, as there is no need for it at all.