Should parents be allowed to SMACK their child?........ Debate on ITV ........ THIS MORNING

[RTKangaMummy]

Smacking

When John Saunders' son began playing up during a shopping trip, he told the boy to behave himself. But the little boy who had rammed a trolley into his older sister, took no notice so his father gave him a slap on the legs. But only four days later John answered a knock at his front door and was confronted by two police officers. John, discovered he was under investigation for assault after a fellow shopper reported him. John joins us today, along with Denise Robertson and Carolyne Willow from the Children's Rights Alliance who believes that there should be a total ban on smacking.

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imo, it's the sign of a civilised society when physical assaults against all its citizens (young and old alike) are outlawed. don't know how you'd enforce it though..

Okay FF - I was working on your 'I smack my children all the time line'

I still hate it though - can't bear being around slap happy mothers - I have to admit to being far less equivocable about it than Beetroot - I always glare and shake my head

I know it is really none of my business what other parents do on one hand, but on the other hand I feel really sorry for the children!

IMO smacking a child will only frighten them, who in thier right mind would want thier child to be afraid of them in order for them to behave?

it really annoys me how other mothers feel so fit to judge other mothers. i have smack my children. I am no smack happy, but I have smacked them on occassion, i dont feel guilty about that

fio, i'm not judging anyone. i am v anti-violence in any situation. no one has to smack.

i have known children who are smacked as a general rule of disipline, and there is nothing worse than seeing a child cowar in fright.

Dont get me wrong, i dont have a problem with a tap on the hands or a forcefull shove when it is for their own good. ie if they are putting themselves in danger.

I dont smack them all the time, that came out wrong, i tap their hands though.

Im not talking about smacking here, but aren't all children frightened of parents from time to time, isn't that part of the growing process and realising right from wrong. All the kids i know are scared when they no they are in trouble.

Just for the record though, before i get in trouble, i dont hurt my kids , i am not into smacking, i was just trying to point out in a weird way that it needs to be made clearer what constitutes as a smack.

i mean children who are frightened of being physically hurt that upsets me. If their frightened of being grounded or sent to thier room i think that is torally different.

But Fio just extend that argument to-

It really annoys me why other people judge wifebeaters/husband beaters

It really annoys me why other people judge drunk drivers

It really annoys me why other people judge yobs in the park

It really annoys me why other people judge druggies

Etc etc etc.

Its part of trying to make a society that works for all people and protects the weak and vulnerable that means that we have to judge others behaviours!

I happen to think that hitting children is on a par with all of the above list. As such I don't feel guilty about judging others!

I suppose I have just never ever 'got' why hitting children is acceptable. I just don't understand it.

If one adult hits another, it's (a) abuse and (b) a criminal offence. Why should it then be OK for an adult to hit a child less than half his/her size? I can understand the tap on the hand to stop them doing something, but not as a punishment afterwards; I have never hit my dd, but she has learned that you don't run across the road/touch the cooker etc, because I have taught her that.

My mother was violent, and ruled us through fear, and as a consequence I grew up with very little self-confidence, very low self esteem, and was terrified of her. I want my daughter to respect us and the rules and boundaries that we give her, but I want to do that without her being frightened of me. I can't equate that with hitting her.

I dont beat my children, i smack them occassionally. i am not perfect

thanks WigWamBam, that is the point i was trying to make.
MY father was also violent, and he won custodt of me and my siter when i was 8, i cried myself to sleep every night for 4 years when i eventually had the courage to run away from home. I have not seen him since, and neither do i wish too.

God Fio - me neither

But taking your argument again - if my DH just occaisionally hits me with the flat of his hand then do you think that is ok???

I have very occasionally smacked - it's doesn't work for me, I just feel so awful about it afterwards. But then again I feel terrible if I send them to their room, exclude them from an activity/treat etc.

But I still do it.

Guilt - the domain of every parent.

depends if you hit him first soapbox no i joking...

No i dont supposse I do. Maybe the fact that i smack my children occassionally shows I am a bad over stressed over worked parent and i do lose my patience. At times i have smacked it has been times when my children have been in danger, like running into the road. Although I have hardly ever smacked dd as she wouldnt understand that really. I try to do the best i can and sometimes i smack, i dont really want to go to prison for that and I dont like being judged by others as i try not to judge others myself

Fio2

I'm bored at work - can you tell?????

I suppose what I was trying to say much earlier down the thread is - would the fact that the act was illegal mean that that smacking when you are stressed and in the heat of the moment just wouldn't be an option any more???

SO it would be more like your DH having to control himself from slapping you???

I would hope that I wouldn't judge someone over this, I was just trying to explain my position as someone who doesn't smack. Perhaps in my case it's because I've seen what happens when the smacking goes too far. I don't do it, I don't like it and I don't understand it, but I hope that I wouldn't judge someone just for making a different choice to my own.

I think I sail very close to the wind sometimes when doing my glaring act!

I try hard not to but I just get so flustered and upset I can't help myself

TBH - I fully expect one day that a harrassed mum will turn round and whack me one - but hey ho - its about as dangerous as my little life gets these days

do men get arerested for tapping their wife on the hand in argument?

I think the problem is more the level of violence and abuse. I think not many people would notice if I smacked my son on the hand, in relation to if I pulled down his trousers and smacked him really hard on the bottom (which I would never do, god it horrifies me) Do ykwim? i think most people think of a 'smack' to a child as a gentle tap not a good hard hit

I think there is a huge difference between a smack and hitting. It is, in my house, a last resort punishment. It's not abuse, it's not assault - I would imagine that any similar adult-to-adult act would get laughed out of court! We are not talking about beating children, whipping them or regular abusive behaviour, we're talking about a short sharp shock. I think far more damage is done to a child verbally than by an occasional (ie rare) smack with your hand. Do you think that should be made illegal too? You're no longer legally allowed to say anything to your child which may undermine their self esteem an dmage them?

It's all shades of grey IMO. A simple occasional smack is a world away from violence and assault.

fio, i do kwym, but for me, verbal communication is better, even with young children. of course no one would arrest someone for tapping someone's hand..but it's a question of respect, i would not want someone to tap me, so i don't do it myself. if smacking worked, you would only have to ever do it once, and that simply isn't the case.

Fio2 - I think its how you define smacking isn't it!

Most of the slapping I see when out and about could not be described as tapping!

How do you draw the line though and why on earth would 'tapping' work if it didn't hurt or at least sting?? Or is it just a spontaneous reaction from mum rather than a form of punishment/means of directing behaviour????

At end of prog is is now 95% say you should be allowed to

I use it as a last resort and only when they are pre warned that if they continue to do what ever it is that is naughty. I have 4 girls Jade is 9 and hasn't had a smack since she was about 5, Taking her phone or grounding her works well for her! I have twin girls aged 5 and to be honest we have done the naughty step, taking things away etc.... If one of them is being really naughty they will be asked to stop, if they continue then I will warn them that they will get a smack if they don't stop, if they STILL continue then they will get a smack (on the bottom) It has now got to the stage where I only need to warn them and they stop!!
I probably smack on average once a month if that! so in my opinion it works!!!

I don't smack for trivial things like beeing cheeky or arguing with siblings but only when it is something like drawing on walls or running off near a main road.

I also have a 22 month old who does not get smacked and thats because I can't warn her that if she carries on she will get a smack.

I know loads of people dissagree but I feel that I am entitled to discipline my children as I see fit within reason.

When I was young my mother would just say 'wait till your father gets home' if my brother and I misbehaved. When my father got back, he would give us 'a good hiding' and literally bang our heads together.

Sometimes my mother would hover around when he was hitting us and saying 'not on their heads xxx'.

From my perspective, a reasonable smack in extreme circumstances at the time has been useful and not over the top.