Should parents be allowed to SMACK their child?........ Debate on ITV ........ THIS MORNING

[RTKangaMummy]

Smacking

When John Saunders' son began playing up during a shopping trip, he told the boy to behave himself. But the little boy who had rammed a trolley into his older sister, took no notice so his father gave him a slap on the legs. But only four days later John answered a knock at his front door and was confronted by two police officers. John, discovered he was under investigation for assault after a fellow shopper reported him. John joins us today, along with Denise Robertson and Carolyne Willow from the Children's Rights Alliance who believes that there should be a total ban on smacking.

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So Magnolia - if my DH warns me to stop nagging or he'll swat me that would be fine would it? As long as its a last resort??

Or if I say to the useless article serving in the shop - if you don't get me XYZ now I'm going to bop you one - thats okay too???

Bizarre!!!

I guess I associate smacking with power rather than discipline - it was my mother's way of controlling us, and was usually undeserved (I was once hit repeatedly with a wooden shoe for making a mark in the condensation on a window). I know that this isn't what you're talking about, but I'm pretty sure that with my mother it started with simple smacking, and she saw what she was doing to us as simple discipline. Part of the problem is that one person's idea of a "simple smack" isn't the same as another person's, and it's difficult to say what is meant by a smack because it means different things to different people.

I just feel that as it's possible to discipline a child verbally - without abusing them - then that's the way I would prefer to do it.

tiffini

As I said I have the right to discipline my kids As I see fit within reason, I don't mean wacking them it is a tap on the bottom.
And we are not talking about nagging!! If you were doing something dangerous and continued to do so then I think your dp would be within his rights to tap your bottom

Children like adults cannot be put into categories and given rules that parents must follow. They all vary vastly and i would like the right to decide what is best for my children. I am not violent towards them, i know what i am doing, i know they feel deeply loved and safe and i know i am doing the right thing by us all when i follow any action.

I am tired and sick of watching the telly, picking up papers and being told what is right and wrong. I have instinct, role models, a conscience to tell me that. I cannot abide people outrightly saying the perfect way in which we all must live. Everyone differs in their needs, a sensitive child needs encouragement, a boystrous one need ballet ( well in my case). I dont agree with tv's in bedrooms for my children. If someone wants them for there kids, well it is fine by me. We will all together make a fantastic range of different personalities and adults needed in our futures.
Brave new world is approaching fast and im not likeing it one bit.

Hmmm Magnolia - might have to try that and see

On the other hand - I'd be a bit worried that if I stepped out in front of a bus he might not bother to do anything

Fairyfly I have to agree with you completley :-)
I too get so fed up of people saying what we should and should not do!!
My children are not beaten and in no way cowering in a corner when they are told off!! I would never pick up a wooden spoon to smack my child. They are happy confident kids who are looked after well and 99% of the time well behaved!!

Lol.... Soapbox, don't try the bus thing though

Parents do lots of things 'to' children that wouldn't be acceptable between adult partners....telling them when they can have chocolate, making them sit on step, etc, but I think discipline such as explanations or 'as soon as we tidy up your toys we can go to the park' or if you sit nicely at the table you can have xyz...but if you run round throwing jelly you can't' are the START of a negotiation process that is part of adult life "it's your turn to do the lawn - you do that and i'll go shopping" or "please don't play music while I'm on MN, could you wait until I have finished'....whilst smacking/tapping/slapping/hitting immediately cuts across communication and replaces it with an action that either forces the 'victim' to stop in their tracks (due to shock, fear, sudden surprise or whatever) OR to escalate the effect - by hitting back etc. Depending on how you see it, that is both the pro and the con of smacking as discipline - but for me it is a difference worth thinking about.

I don't smack my children but I would be really uncomfortable with the law dictating to parents what they can and can't do. Assaulting a child is a criminal offence but does smacking a leg really constitute an assault? Not in my opinion although I do not do it myself because I don't believe it is an effective way to punish or disclipine. Soapbox, the "would it be acceptable for a man to slap a woman" argument does not work because it is not appropriate for a man and woman to attempt to "discipline" each other, we are regarded or rather should be as equals. It is expected that we teach our children and also that we discipline them when they are naughty. So it would never be appropriate for my husband to slap me on the leg because it would never be appropriate for him to discipline me for be being naughty. If you did make it illegal to slap a child on the leg for instance would you stop at that? I consider screaming abuse at a child such as I have heard from time to time to be really destructive but you couldn't legislate for that or we really would be living in a nanny state.

But what if people had taken that approach to drunk driving which when I was a child was definately seen as something acceptable to do!

Surely sometimes we have to take a stand to protect those who are not in a position to protect themselves.

I'm not talking here about the tapping mums but what about the slapping ones and the beating ones???

Who is going to protect those children if we don't make this unacceptable?

How can tapping and hitting even be in the same category?

I was smacked occasionally as a child, as were my brothers. It was a shock, a deterrent against whatever we had been doing or were about to do. I think it can work better than other methods when its a serious sitution that needs immediate action. And it doesn't really hurt, its just a shock. All this pc stuff does my head in. Its common sense at the end of the day. I wouldn't dream of hitting my children hard. Ever. I would however smack them once on their bottom if the need arose. For a younger child who might not listen to reasoning and explaining, it is a definite action and they will understand it. Its a "no" in no uncertain terms. But its not something that should be done unless absolutely necessary. Depends on the situation.

My biggest problem with allowing any kind of smacking/tapping is that the reasoned approach put forward by the "pro-right to smack" (sorry, can't think of a better way to put it!) parents on here (thinking esp of Bloss) in no way reflects the sort of thing I see around me. I agree taht continual shouting etc. at a child is awful but to be 100% honest, the worst cases of ranting/swearing at kids I've seen have ALWAYS included threats to "smack your sh*tty arse" or some similar phrasing. In many cases the ranting is accompanied by what I would definitely consider "slaps" or "hitting" but which I'm sure others would class as "smacks".

I am the 3rd generation of my family not to smack as my maternal grandfather made the decision that he would never physically chastise his kids in any way as he so resented the disciline meted out by his own father (which was considered perfectly reasonable in 1930s Wales).

On a purely personal level, since I've been here and trying to avoid shouting/confrontational behaviour with my children they respond much more positively to discipline and discuss things much more openly with me. It could be because I'm more approachable, I don't know. They also take punishment better - yesterday ds went on his new bike for first time, was rude to sister, it went away for the day. Not even a sulk.

Unfortunately the skill hasn't yet extended to them being nice to each other...

Banning smacking will not by any stretch of the imagination prevent children from being assaulted or abused. IME a child abuser is far less likely to display an act of aggression towards a child in a public environment.

I am against smacking, I don't smack my children, I'd never smack or even tap a child. I have friends who smack, those friends don't smack in my home. They do not smack in my home because I do not want my children to think there is ever a situation or circumstance where they should accept physical dicipline. It is entirely unecessary. They witness it outside of our home of course (unfortunately), but our home is their territory, their base, this is where they glean their basic knowledge of life and behaviour.

I have found in daily life that 'time out', explanations and reason are fantastic tools for reinforcing boundaries.

In potentially dangerous situations, because my voice is the 'last resort', my children listen to me. They recognise the tone in my vioce that warns them of danger - hot surface/busy road etc.

Should smacking be banned? From the 'deterrent of abuse' POV, it doesn't hold water.
I personally feel smacking is inhumane and anti social - I find smacking far, far more offensive than profane language, which after all is an arrestable offence.

god no! smacking is a useful tool

i agree that smacking doesnt work it just teaches them that if they get frustrated they can hit out.which is usually when parents smack out of sheer frustration.but i think it also stems from your own childhood i wasnt smacked so i dont do it.mind you if we where to get the police when at the door when you smack a child does that mean they will come when the child hits you???

plus as a foster parent you would be taken to court for smacking, im not even allowed to swear when they play up, but by god does the dog get an earfull when we go out for a walk{grin]they take it well!

A smacking debate...run for the hills!

Haven't read the whole thread, but thought I'd add my 2p. I don't smack but feel that to ban it would open the door to unnecessary prosecutions of parents who use a sharp smack to reinforce some safety advice - such as when a child is about to run out into the road, or put their hand on a very hot radiator, etc. All sorts of physical contact could be misconstrued and lead to anguish for parents fearing some sort of official comeback.

The children who are abused will still be abused. The vast majority of parents who smack as a form of discipline do so with care and within boundaries. Those who abuse are not going to stop because a more minor form of physical contact is banned.

no one has brought up the fact that if you smack a child and a brother or sister sees it, they then also think they can smack. how do you explain difference, you cannot explain why it is okay for you to smack but not for them to - i think that it is best for you to do what you as a parent would want child to do if they wanted to tell another child off. you wouldn't want you child to smack so don't smack. the way to get your point across is to stay as calm as you can the timeout or bottom step are great ideas

I think it is barbaric in this day and age to smack children, there is only one outcome when you smack a child - FEAR-
I have 2 step children and have never had to hit in order to gain "control" of a situation. The only thing children want is more attention and to please the only people on this earth that they unconditionally love, and what do they get tought by witnessing and being of the receiving end and violence?