Do mum's prefer sons?

[emilytankengine]

A few things have happened in my life and recently that makes me wonder??

I have a DS aged 8 and DD aged 17 months. They are both very loving and affectionate, but out of the pair of them DD is a million times easier then DS ever was at this age. She is calm, sleeps well and is generally a very chilled baby. Her brother, while lovely, has never been chilled in his life!
Still cant say that I prefer one over the other though!

I have 3 kids, 2 boys, well old teens and a dd of 10. I love them all equally, nag all equally, hug all equally and row with all equally... It always makes me sad when mothers say that boys are more loving.. if thats the case then I wonder how much more loving the stupid cow is to her boys that her girls.
sorry sweetkitty but your mum should be ashamed to make that comment to you.. how bloody sad..

Too true Thebody!! My ds1 is super affectionate and still very cuddly and he's 17 FGS.

He is only like that cos i have been affectionate with him (and the other 3)

My lot are equally cuddly so this boya are more affectionate than girls is bullshit IMO.

I always wanted a girl (and had one, my only DC so far) as I thought and still think that girls remain closer to their mum's later in life, boys grow up and marry girls who take them away! What's that saying? A daughter's a daughter for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife!

Of course that is a sweeping generalisation but that was my reasoning, though now I have a girl I wouldn't care what else I had, whereas if I had a boy I would probably always want a girl. I know it's 'wrong' to want one or the other, but it's just human nature based on all kinds of stereotypes. I would hate to diminish anyone's relationships with their son, I'm just going on my experience/preconceptions. We are on a whole much closer and make more effort with my family than DH's. But then DH is the baby of 6 and has several sisters who live close to his elderly mother which takes the burden off him. I'm afraid that as the eldest and most responsible girl in my family my mother is going to be living with us when she's old!

Im one of 5 (two girls and three boys.My mother always prefered our brothers, babying them, making loads of excuses why they cant do things, being very affectionate even when they were not very nice to her. Needless to say, the two youngest severely spoilt ones can just about make a cup of tea for themselves , the oldest only totally toilet trained at age 11 and even then getting his behing wiped!(shocking) and are completely useless. After that experience, when i was pregnant i prayed for a girl and i have a dd. I think my mothers treatment of clearly prefering boys to the extreme of disabling them, has always stuck in my mind that girls are more capable. Not true i know, my own dp can deal with all sorts of things, but a thought i find hard to shift because of childhood.

bumper that phrase not popular on mumsnet

many a tale over the years also shows it to be not true

So true Stephanotis, my brother (The Golden Balled One) has not visited Mother for 18 months because she told him she was not impressed with his treatment of his kids from his previous marriage. He couldn;t take the criticism and turned all pouty and domineering on his 73 year old terminal mother (oh yes, the monster that she created!). And yes, it was me who took her for radion therapy 15 days in a row and roled with all the body blows she had/has a mind to throw at me.

Only today she said "you haven;t got much time for me".... little wonder eh?

My mother was the second child, her elder brother being the apple of her mother's eye. An intelligent woman would make sure history does not repeat itself.... x

my daughter is the idle one in our house

left alone for the day the house would be a dump when i got back

the boys would leave it tidy

yes my teens cook and clean and they are boys as well!

I think the relationship you will have with children at different ages and stages affects your view too.

As far as I can see now with an older primary aged child, boys seem to be far less complicated than girls. I have a friend with an 11 year old (yr 6) DS and he is inundated with text messages from girls who wnat to spend time with him and are analysing the behaviour of their peers towards him (i.e, "I don't know why X won't kiss you, I would" and "you can come around to my house and X need never find out about it"). It all seems so full on and I would add that these are what you would term "nice little girls" with very respectable parents too.

Girls seem to mature far more quickly than boys and it is quite scary. Boys seem to stay as children for longer than girls and I think that the whole culture around raising girls and the way that society seems to encourage them to become "little women" in terms of the way they act, think, behave and dress is not always that healthy.

I blame High School Musical.

well done SuziSeis - hope the moulds continue to be broken! x

My Mum DEFO prefers my DB to me, she gets along better with him and is more tolerant of him. I think she is bitter towards me and a bit jealous (long story). I only have DS, although I have to admit I really wanted a boy, boys always love their Mummy's

gunnerbean i agree

my boys are poles apart BUT (generalisation warning) i think boys are on the whole a little easier...

a revolting teen is hell to live with but my daughter scraped my soul with her hurtfulness

my eldest son has been a dream

wigglesworth as a mum of 'lotsa' boys i used to asked the lovely old ladies in my dear Nanny's care home - who visited most

they said SONS

Wigglesworth you should read Titania Hardie's article. She wrote that she favoured her older daughter purely because she was more akin to her whereas the younger child was like her father. Who has the right to judge a child just because it failed to become a mirror image (physically or mentally) of the woman that carried it???

This is an interesting thread. I've got a dd and am expecting her little brother reasonably soon. I've noticed that mothers of daughters who've asked me 'what I'm having' (and whom I've told, although am I alone in thinking this is quite a personal question for a complete stranger on the bus to ask?), tend to respond with a sort of 'never mind' expression on their face or say 'oh, well'. My own mother (who is one of 11 - 5 boys and 6 girls, I think - and had 2 girls) said 'He'll be ginger and left-handed'. (No-one in either of our immediate families are ginger or left-handed btw). Though she is rather odd at the best of times.

Angel how right you are. My DB is 5 years older than me and is like my Mum, I am closer to my Dad and my attitudes are more like his. I just clash with my Mum she is a very different person to me, I love her dearly she just gets on my nerves. I see how she has treated us totally differently throughout our lives and unfair and hard she was on me, although she firmly denies it. My DB is a lazy fucker but still gets treated like a king.

PMSL at your mum's comment rosebud

BTW, I couldn't care less if he is ginger and left-handed, but it seemed like quite an odd thing to divine.

My MIL said she didn't want me to have a girl, I gave birth last year to a boy. I asked her why and she said 'cos girls can be nasty and horrible'(!) Would've loved a girl just as much - though I love my ds of course. My MIL has three grown up children, 2 sons and a daughter - who she has big issues with although the daughter is in her 40s. My husband is her favorite and she makes no bones about it. I think she plays her kids off against each other as well. The daughter says she always felt unloved. maybe Mums are more protective of their sons, and with daughters - don't want them to make the mistakes they did so are tougher - I don't know, but I think its wrong to openly favour one against the other. I have two brothers and my Mum worries about them alot more, but never sets us apart.

I love my son best of all but then I only have him. Among my friends, there seems to be pity that I have a boy which I think is a bit weird. Anyway, here is an article from the Observer on Sunday about raising boys which basically concludes that boys are harder at children but girls are harder as teenagers!

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/12/family-sons-children

All in all, that the urban myth 'little boys are more loving' holds no weight whatsoever. It is the mindset of the mother that drives the relationship and the public persona of the child, for better or for worse ....

I will always despair when observing ignorant parents (mothers or fathers) who feel the need to favour one gender over another - whatever their rationale. Its just NOT acceptable. Children are born like blank video tapes, it is the influences of the parents and the infant's natural intelligence that shape the relationship from thereon.

WIGGLESWORTH - want to send you personal email because your experience so similar to mine - can read all your frustrations. Can't get you through this so if you contact me on [email protected] we can compare more directly as it is not for this post... x

When my mum was born, her grandfather wrote to congratulate her mother (his dil) saying "though a girl, it is a grandchild nonetheless for which we must be grateful" .

I was pleased to have a girl because my dh (and lots of other men I know) is rubbish at keeping in touch with his family whereas women are often much closer. Clearly it all depends on the individuals though.

I so agree, ANGEL61 - my relationship with my mum is very complex, she always seemed so jealous about petty stuff, and I was expected to mother my brother too. I love her so much, but we have nothing in common and the thought of having a daughter terrified me. Really sad to admit how relieved I was to have boys, because I was afraid I would "ruin" a girl!

I do think things have changed a lot though, when I tell people I have three boys the overwhelming reaction I get is pity because they must be "hard work". No way - I fully intend for them to be independent and self-sufficient, none of this doing their washing and ironing for them when they are in their 20s, rolling my eyes and saying "what are they like" in a martyred voice ....

verygreen they can be

my ds makes me a hot water bottle every night!

my mum was also VERY jealous of me....still would be if i let her get near me or the dcs

oh i forgot - she doesn;t want to!!

was jealous of my dp too!