I hate being a parent.

[TitsUp]

I am ashamed to admit this, but I feel like I have made a terrible mistake in having a child. I never really bonded with DS and am sick of all the sick, snot, lack of sleep, destruction, chaos and general lack of freedom, though he is cute sometimes. I am not depressed, I just don't want this life. I want my old life with my well paid career and fast car not a boring p/t job, sick all over my clothes and bloody sensible estate car.

Should I give him up for adoption as I am such a selfish useless cow, or will I feel differently in time? I fear I am not cut out to be a mother and don't want to ruin his life.

Everyone keeps telling me, when I mention how difficult it all is, that things just get worse!

Bonding with your baby is automatic for a majority of women, but that leaves a clear minority where it isn't the case. It can happen for many reasons, a traumatic birth, PND, psychological trauma. It doesn't matter as the important thing is that it can be treated. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it should be tackled for your own sake and for the sake of your child. What you describe is beyond the irritations and vagaries of life with a toddler.

A very good article on the subject is here, (with contacts for help). this page
Unless you have a very clued up HV/GP, I would research your options about who would be best to speak to for the appropriate advice - a specialist would be better. The book mentioned in the article is a good starting point.

I hope you are able to move forward with your clear desire to improve the situation. Good luck - it can get better.

Re:speech/language - it's obviously very positive that you reckon he understands you well - but he could still have a problem with pronunciation -so I think with no consistent use of words by two you should be looking for a speech therapy referral (you may be able to arrange this directly with the department rather than going via HV/GP, it varies from area to area) or go private (www.helpwithtalking.com). If he's having difficulties expressing himself, then that can impact on behaviour. Some kids are just "late talkers"; i.e. they will catch up of their own volition by 3. But it can be a bit of a catch 22 - that without having a professional opinion you can't always tell if there is going to be a problem or not - and if you don't think there's a problem you don't bother going for the professional opinion.

How are you feeling today? You sound like such a wonderful mum, so caring and thoughtful.
Glad to hear you are thinking of having more time to yourself and having the g'parents baby sitting for a few hours. Even if you do nothing but go for a walk, its a wonderful feeling to be able to walk without a pram and without ambling at 5cm per hour!

Please do not listen to the posters saying you are to blame for the speech. dd2 has 3 'real' words (mama, dada and apple ). At the same age dd1 had 40 words, including 3 syllable words and putting two words together! Both have had a very similar input. Children just develop differently.

Is there one enjoyable thing you have done today with ds? Read a story, jump in puddles, run down a hill, splash in a bath, roll on the floor and giggle. Just do one thing every day. Force yourself to smile, pretend you are enjoying yourself. Smiling is contagious (sp?), you'll both feel more positive for it.

Keep posting, let us know how things are going. Many of us have felt the same.

There are days when I could write your post....and indeed have posted similar threads under a different name in order to seek advice. I too was harshly judged by some people. I am sad and very disappointed to see that some long-standing posters on here have treated you this way. (Thankfully though, most of the advice you've recieved is excellent and heartfelt).

Experiences of parenthood are not the same for everyone and the OP has the right to her feelings, no less than those who find parenthood amazing. Telling the OP to 'suck it up' is frankly appalling.

We may not always like what we read, but just because it is not palatable, does not mean that it is not real or deserves our compassion.

I feel for you OP and I genuinely believe that you are a good mother, and that is why you posted. I think you will get through this

hi titsup, i'm knew to mumsnet so dunno how it works exactly. Anyway i just wanted to say that i feel the same as you; more complicated by the fact i have 2 kids. I wonder did life get any better for you?
I dislike parenting, it frustrates me, distresses me and bores me to death. Have no idea what would be best for the children (3 & 1) .. I know everyone else has 'off' days, but i genuinely hate most of the time i spend with them, the whining, and hassling etc.

Hi there, Titsup just wanted to mention something about boys and talking, I've got two boys 2 and 6. I have been struggling a bit with my 2 year old whi has been having lots of tantrums and tricky behaviour and also delayed speech. I was taking him out loads so he could run about somewhere as it was so frustrating being home with him. In the afternoons I felt guilty relief as we have a long way to go to school so a long walk in the buggy for him. I just wanted to say firstly it gets better (with age the 6 year old is lovely now)- something you could focus on in the meantime as I think things will improve in the next few months for you, and when he is 3 he will be able to get the free 15 hrs funding which will be a good break for both of you.-

d "It takes two to talk" it is a bit expensive but gives some great simple ways to tap into play/ interaction with him and help him to talk. 5 have found since using it the last few weeks he is interacting with me more and saying 'look mummy' naming things, it's great and has made me feel much better. It gives you lots of ideas of easy things to do with them and following their lead in the play which can be hard but helps them...anyway worth a look at, and you could get in touch with speech and language therapy, through your health visitor. They change a lot at the age of 2 so don't want you to worry unnecessarily however it has been helpful for us as it's enabled us to get a special 'toddler talk' playgroup place. the speech therapist runs a session based on the book, and the other one plays with the children talking to them etc. if you don't get the book the main thing is OWL- observe, wait, listen then try and think what they might want to say.

This thread is over 3 years old. I wonder what happened?

I think you should get a full-time, more fulfilling job. Kids are very hard work at that age but you sound like you kind of know that. Most of your problem seems to be the lack of self-worth you get from your current job.

I took 3 months maternity leave (out of neccessity) after DS and then longer after DD but retrained and have worked full-time ever since (they are 9 and 7 now). When they were younger I'd make sure my lunchtimes at work I went out for a walk or for lunch with work friends at least a couple of times a week and as I was working a lot i really looked forward to seeing the kids and also someone else (nursery) dealt with tantrums

Also - i don't like playing much but did things like jigsaws with them which I do like, or cooking rather than imaginary games. Now we can play board games etc which is more my thing.