I hate being a parent.

[TitsUp]

I am ashamed to admit this, but I feel like I have made a terrible mistake in having a child. I never really bonded with DS and am sick of all the sick, snot, lack of sleep, destruction, chaos and general lack of freedom, though he is cute sometimes. I am not depressed, I just don't want this life. I want my old life with my well paid career and fast car not a boring p/t job, sick all over my clothes and bloody sensible estate car.

Should I give him up for adoption as I am such a selfish useless cow, or will I feel differently in time? I fear I am not cut out to be a mother and don't want to ruin his life.

Everyone keeps telling me, when I mention how difficult it all is, that things just get worse!

do you love him?

I know it's part of the problem scrooged, I know I have a big problem. I suppose I was just hoping someone else on MN would maybe have felt the same way and could advise me which way it went for them.

Yes I love him but I hate what he's done to me.

I don't think pod means she thinks you're depressed. I do agree that you need some help though, it's the bonding connection with him that's the problem here. It's not anyone's fault, it happens quite alot. I really would contact your health visitor or pop and see your GP, they can refer you to people, a play therapist or something.

I mean counselling to help you through a difficult part of your life/ your relationship with your dp - and maybe parenting advice?

can you do things with him that you like to do?

my dh hates all that messy play, getting down on the carpet with them, going to mother and toddler groups

what he does like is walking in the woods , go swimming and taking them to the cinema. You can find ways of still doing waht you like with your child.

Can you go back to work, retrain etc? you need a focus I think, something to get you through this hard time.
Ask friends and family to help and get your dh fully on board

Yes, I could pay for some counselling I suppose.

I am not having any 'truck' with the useless system of forumalic health visitors/ GPs.

im sorry to be rude but he hasnt done anything to you.

YOU had unprotected sex, YOU decided to keep him and YOU had him and it is YOUR job to look after him. I feel sorry for him. Do you treat him like he is an inconvenience? If so there is the cause of his behaviour issues right there. I miss my old life to - sometimes I cry but never would I be like that about my children. I hope the girls have some good advice for you,

formulaic

Brandollarz, you are not beoing rude, I appluad your honesty. I am selfish, unkind and useless, I know that. I too feel sorry for him. All the things you have said I say to myself.

The problem is, what to do now to limit the impact on his life, I don't want him growing up knowing he is a nuisance to me.

MarlaSinger - no I don't want to be a parent.

2 is a hard age

i think the idea of parenting classes is agood one

what about homestart?

My DS is into being outdoors

even wheeling him up the road to the playground on his trike is great for him

your GP can refer you for counselling

I thought I did. I liked the idea but hate the reality. How could I know that in advance?

have you liked/enjoyed any part of parenting?

It's not his fault though Titsup. He hasn't done anything, he didn't choose to come into the world. I can see why you are feeling this way, I'm a single mum, I have had moments when I have felt that ds is too much and would be better off without me but when I play with him (whether I want to or not) I get to know him and I understand him so much better. If you met someone at work you would have to spend time getting to know them right? Same principle here only you don't take your child to the pub and have a chat over a glass of wine. He wants your attention and will do whatever he can to get it, it's just how they are. He needs your attention, it makes him secure. If he doesn't feel secure then he's going to cause havoc.
You may have to force yourself to play with him at first but it'll get easier, you have to do this though. As I said before, he isn't able to occupy himself at the moment so giving him a few toys won't do anything. Someone need to show him what to do with them, bang a few saucepans etc. Make it up. Noise is good, so's mess.

I think if not depressed you sound deeply unsatisfied and unhappy and I think that will only be resolved by looking deeply at yourself as a person as well as a mother. I have honestly felt very similar and it was at a time when my career was stumbling and I regularly felt like running away from my child. Finding fulfilment at work really helped - I think for some people their self-esteem is very tied to their work - and without thtat they can feel worth little. If you're unhappy it's very difficult to find within yourself the selflessness that you need to develop a good bond with a young child.

I think you need to find a way to be honest with your dp about how you feel at the moment because I think you need to work through this together. I think a good counsellor would make this easier.

You see, this is just why I feel I should give him up to someone lovely like you on here who will care for him, play with him, want him and help him grou up feeling wanted.

shes made it quite clear she dosnt want to be a mum so classes/councillors ect would be a huge waste of time. Would yours or OHs parents take him on so he isnt placed with strangers?

Can I just ask you though? - when he gives you a hug or a kiss and tells you he loves you, what do you feel?

I know he hasn;t done anything! I am not blaming him. I want the best for himand clearly that is NOT me.

i don't enjoy it all that is for sure!

He can't even talk, he never tells me anything. He's more likely to thump me that hug me.