I hate being a parent.

[TitsUp]

I am ashamed to admit this, but I feel like I have made a terrible mistake in having a child. I never really bonded with DS and am sick of all the sick, snot, lack of sleep, destruction, chaos and general lack of freedom, though he is cute sometimes. I am not depressed, I just don't want this life. I want my old life with my well paid career and fast car not a boring p/t job, sick all over my clothes and bloody sensible estate car.

Should I give him up for adoption as I am such a selfish useless cow, or will I feel differently in time? I fear I am not cut out to be a mother and don't want to ruin his life.

Everyone keeps telling me, when I mention how difficult it all is, that things just get worse!

have you spoken to your DP? Does he have any idea of the depth of your feelingS?

That's because he's confused and insecure. If you don't spend time with him then he's going tobe like this. Sorry to be harsh. There's an equation to everything:

Time + effort = maximum output

He'll thump you because he can't just turn a cuddle on if he's unhappy and insecure. You seriously do need to start playing with him, have a laugh and be silly. He really needs this and it will help you aswell.

my self esteem is/was very tied to my work, maybe I resent ds for 'making' me give it up, although it was my (wrong) decision. I thought I wanted to be a mum but it's not what I expected.

My 3rd child is 2 and it is hell on earth...but I know it will pass and the good age will kick in.

I am not a natural parent, I dont do the SAHM thing, and found it thankless for years, so decided to go back to college to tax my brain, be with adults and be told once a week when I had in my essay that I am brilliant and worthwhile. As a result everyone is happier because I am.

BUT

I have to set time aside to do things with the kids..especially the 2 year old, who is doing all these "naughty" things to get your attention, becaue even you shouting at him is better than no attention at all. SO! If you give him some attention (and I dont mean yet another toy for him to get on with), get him involved in what you are doing. Sit him by the kitchen sink while you are cleaning up and give him some beakers to splash about with. Give him a duster to help you clean...but most of all...talk to him all the way through it, ask him questions.

You dont have to play with Thomas the Tank engine on the floor every day.

I applaud your honesty and think that by being honest you are on the right track and clearly care about his welfare.

Hav you seen "The Hours" - there's a scene in that film that was so resonant with me that I sobbed and sobbed. Julianne Moore's character is icing a cake, tears running down her face, so stifled and unhappy with her life that you could see she was just going through the motions with her dear son who was an innocent victim. I think that there are people who really can't cope with the realities of parenthood - we are lucky living in times that we do that there are options to work more and get other people involved in bringing up our children; that we don't need to be eyeballs in valium to get through the day. (Her character left her child btw with devastating consequences for him.)

It never is what anyone expects.

You can go back to work full time but it isn't going to help things at home, the problems will still be there when you return so you need to take the time and try and fix them. Go to the GP and ask for some help or contact your health visitor. They can send you and your son to someone who can help you. Give it a try before you consider anything else.

i have never said thi to ANY mum but i think you should give him up. for his sake and yours. who knows, the time apart might make u realise u do love/miss him. if not then at least u will both be happier.

His lack of speaking/hugs sounds like he shows poor development so your feelings are having a huge impact on him.

Tits up. Although I dont feel like you exactly, there are certainly days when being SAHM is numbingly boring ime. Although I dont manage to do this all the time, I try to tell the kids I love them and hug them as much as I can, sometimes this really helps to diffuse the feelings of frustration.

In general things do get better when they are about 4 years old (I have 16mnth old and 5yr old) they are more independent and starting school. I would say 'sod the money' - if you can - and give yourself a day off once a week by placing him in nursery or with a childminder. This day of Oasis can be a lifesaver!

Oh really marla? what have i ignored? I have answered a lot I think.

Make yourself hug and kiss him - it is likely that eventually you will begin to feel affection at least.

And yes of course the thread is about me - when did I suggest otherwise?!

you cant force love

Would your DP consider going part time at work and taking over the childcare, and you could be the breadwinner? If you told him the extent of your feelings towards ds and that you are seriously thinking of giving him up he may consider this. Remember that your dp is probably not going to support your decision to have him adopted/brought up by gps.

I think you can learn to love, Tits Up and this is what you must do.

Titsup - did you say your son can't talk? Is there a reason for this?

READ the thread! I have said I love him. I want the best for him. That is why I think he would be better off without me.

i think you are brave and honest and you now need to do the thing that is best for your boy. I think deep down you know what that is and you was looking for some reassurence in you choice.

I am leaveing this thread now as my baby has woken up, but I wish you all the luck in your future and the best for your boy

See brandollarz, this is where we differ. I think the OP needs a break and othe stimulus. She also needs to train herself to give and receive affection.

I suggested to my dp the other day that we could split and he could have ds.

What did he say?

and in the meantime that poor boy suffers

Sorry Tits up I am not saying you dont love him, but it is more about really feeling this. That is hard to do when you feel so compromised. I think therer is not much balance in your life - you need a break and a more satisfying job.