shocked - mum left 9 yr old at home on own

[katiekittlemouse]

was at a sports centre today with dd's and shocked to hear that whilst taking her youngest 2 dd's swimming had left the eldest dd who is just 9yrs old at home on her own!!!

I am shocked! would you do that??? I wouldn't for sure!

seeker - good post seeker (23.24)

We've split the school run walk (which is the same route as I take DS2) up into 4 "levels" (he's a gaming adict lol) - we agreed that he would only progress to the next "level" (further distance from school)not only when I thought he was ready, but when he felt ready. I stop and faff around for a minute or so to let him get ahead of us.

He asked a few weeks ago if he could try level 2, I said yes as I felt he was ready for it.

I asked him this morning if he wanted to try level 3 - he said no. He knows I think he's ready for it, but he's not so he won't do it until he's comfortable with it.

Same goes for leaving them at home. If you feel they're old/mature enough you don't do it unless they are also happy about it.

lol - ruby just read backwards and seen your post about your son's tooth - bet he's never going to live that one down

I leave my ds age 8 alone for short periods of time with no problems. Hes happy to be left, knows my mobile number and how to use the phone and knows what to do/not do.As many people have said it really depends on the child, although I do think we are generally too cautious these days. My main concern is that I may have an accident when I'm out and not be able to get home to him.

I also have a dd age 6 but would not leave the two of them at home together as I think there is more potential for problems with more than one child. Also I think 6 is too young and shes a different character - less confident and independant than her brother

Riven, those kids will cope at uni by asking people like me and my brother how to do everything! I met sooooo many who couldn't cook, do laundry, make a doctor appt, or generally cope with being responsible for themselves.

My mom used to leave me a list of things to do and instructions on starting dinner. When I was 12 I started looking after my brother as well (he was 6).

I saw this thread yesterday and I left my dd home alone for the first time after reading it. was gone 10-5 mins, walked roudn to a neightbours to collect ds1.

she is 8, 9 in June. I ahdn't really considered it before, kind of considered that if I dared leave her ss would be hammering my door down. However, I can trust her in the house, I know she won't do anything stupid. Even if she did decide to use the cooker or kettle she is perfectly capable of doing so. She was told not to answetr the door or phone and she has my mobile number.

I do think she needs to start having a little responsibility and independance. I still don't quite trust her to go otu if there are any roads to cross as she did get hit by a car a couple of years ago. I am considering that maybe she does need a bit more freedom this summer though.

I don't think children are at any more risk than what we were as children. By the time I was 10 I was coming home from school alone and lettign myself in. By the time I was 12 I was looking after my 8yo bro for full days while my parents went out. I think at that age children do have mroe sense than we sometimes give them credit for, if they are allowed to exercise it.

back then, mobile phones werent even commonplace and at 12 I once took my bro up to casualty on my own and get his arm put in plaster after he broke it while my parents were away for the day. I was given his medication instructions. Nowadays, no doubt ss would have been called!

My dd1 age 8.5 brought home from school a "When would it be safe?" worksheet that she had been asked to fill in.

Make a cup of tea-10
Make toast-6
Cross the road-8
Use scissors-5
Go on a slide in the park-3
Be left at home for an hour-11
Play marbles-8

Light fireworks-20
Drive a car-20
Babysit a young child-13

She has occasionally been left for under an hour for the last 2 years or so, and did many of the above much younger. Conservative and even funny isn't she?

I think that all those people who say they couldn't possibly because x,y and z might happen really ought to stop and think. You have to gradually start giving your DCs responsibilities. Someone mentioned older DCs and parties earlier-(I am not sure how much of a party they would have when you had popped to the supermarket!)there gets a time where you have to leave teenagers and it helps if you have been esablishing ground rules from early on. If you treat them as babies you are making them irresponsible, and they are the very ones likely to hold a party as soon as they get the first hint of freedom. It is gradual. I started with they only answered the phone if it was me, I went on to they answered the phone but said that I was busy and took a number for me to ring back and then finally to saying that I was out and taking a message.
We have had to leave teens,last summer DS had his holiday early, we couldn't go at the same time because school hadn't broken up. We went with DS3 and had to leave his older brother at home on his own for a week because he was working, our only alternative was not to have a holiday. DS was fine because he was used to being responsible there was no problem and the house was clean and tidy when we got home.He said he didn't need me to leave meals he could get his own. He had done washing and used the dishwasher.
At the end of last year DH and I had to go to a funeral and the distance meant an overnight stay. The working DS would have had to have taken 2 days holiday to come and the younger one had a lot on at school, it wasn't practical for them to come and they weren't that close to the person who died. We left them at home and they managed fine. There are lots of occasions like that as they get older. If I phone my DS2 when we are away he always tells me the house has burnt down-this is because he thinks that I fuss! Last time that we were away at half term the central heating broke down so he phoned up to see what he should do and then managed perfectly well.

They might have an accident when you are out but it is unlikely. You might be home alone with your 9 yr old and fall downstairs and knock yourself out but you don't conclude that you must never be alone in the house with your DC. You might get a terrible electric shock from all the electrical appliances that are waiting to burst into flame as soon as you pop out to the post box and your DC would have to get help. They are all things that probably won't happen.

'I saw this thread yesterday and I left my dd home alone for the first time after reading it. was gone 10-5 mins, walked roudn to a neightbours to collect ds1. '

This is great! Did dd enjoy her time at home alone?

If you are not keen on it you could try just a really short 5-10 minutes to start with -even if you just walk up the road and back. I am convinced that it is very beneficial to a DC.

I think you have to remember an accident is just that.

We have grown to be a socitey so afraid of accidents and could they have been prevented? We have gone to the extrems of trying to prevent accidents ever occuring that if a child was to have an accident at home, the parent isn't there and then every one blames the parent or wants to.

We should accept that accidents do happen, they are mostly not life changing, they can be useful to learn lessons from and children do need to at times be left to grow up and not be constently supervised.

Am I to guess that the OP does not have a 9 year old

abraid, she completely blasé about it tbh!

came back to find her sitting watching tv and she didn't even look up when I got in.

I am hoping that giving her more responsibility will actually encourage to act more responsibly iyswim.

You know, when I think about it, I can remember standing in the garden and chatting to our neighbour for longish periods (15-20 mins?) when ds was 5 or 6, and in the house on his own.

He never set fire to the house/choked/fell downstairs or otherwise killed himself dead in that time.

so staying alone at 9 for an hour or so shouldnt be seen as soooo horrific, should it?

By unhappy coincidence a friend called me today to let me know they had been burgled on Saturday evening. Luckily they had been out to church (burglers had been watching the house for some time, police believe) but they came back to a complete shambles.

They have a 10 year old DD, who doesn't always want to go to church with them, but thankfully they wouldn't consider leaving her alone at home.

Who says things won't happen?

Burglars check to see if people are out - they do not want to be in a house with people in the house to as they dont want to get caught.

They will check and watch the house to see the pattern of behaviour and strike when the house is empty.

If the dd of 10 had been in the house it is highly likely the house would not have been burgled.

The reason the burglers made such a mess is the time limit they pout on being in and out of the house as quickly as possible so as not to be caught by someone coming home to the house. This is why they reamsack the place tipping everything out is the quickest way of doing this.

I'm glad I've read this post too - has given me "permission" to trust my DC (10 - 8) for short periods of time, which I can now build on.

ChoptheDucks--typical! That's great.

My back door is unlocked as I type this-a burglar may well be creeping in! I am not going to lock it on a might be! Accidents and the unusual happen-DCs need to learn how to deal with the unexpected. I agree that if the 10yr old had been in when the rest of the family were at church then they wouldn't have been burgled.

"Luckily they had been out to church "

I don't see that as lucky. If they hadn't been out, the burglars would have gone elsewhere.

Generally speaking, burglars look for EMPTY houses. They are looking for stuff, not an encounter with another human (adult or not) who is going to complicate issues by getting in the way.

Caro, I'm willing to bet you view all men on their own as potential rapists/child pornographers, and whisk your child away if a chap so much as smiles at them.

The world is NOT full of lurking dangers/marauders/attackers. You need to think carefully about the idea of Risk ASSESSMENT, and get things into their true perspective.

even the police thought the burglars had been watching the house for some time, so it does all make sense to enter the hosue when they are all out.

You will get occassions when things go wrong, the burgalers took a car in the last two weeks and a baby was in the car - they took the baby back to the street the car was taken from. These people didn't want a longer sentence for kidnap, or to be bothered in jail as a child molester by other cons.

I should think that burglars are like actors-they don't want to work with children or animals! I would have thought that a burglar would avoid it if at all possible.

My DH travels a lot by car on the motorways-he says that he sees an accident every day. You need to access thae risk .

People who are seeing dangers at every turn quite happily strap their 9yr old in the car and hurtle along the motorway at 70mph when they have no idea if they are going to bashed into by a driver who has failed to look in the mirror, has fallen asleep at the wheel, is on his mobile and not paying attention,is high on drugs etc etc,all things that are distinct possibilities, and yet in the short time that they are out expect the electrical system (which have never caused any problem since they lived there)to burst into flames and the whole house to be engulfed before the DC has the sense to get out.

These things might happen but they most probably won't.

Personally I would begin leaving DC's at about 11-12 definately not 9.

I'm not anal or stifling my childs independance and can't wait for them all to grow up and leave home .

I just don't want to do it because imo it's too early.