shocked - mum left 9 yr old at home on own

[katiekittlemouse]

was at a sports centre today with dd's and shocked to hear that whilst taking her youngest 2 dd's swimming had left the eldest dd who is just 9yrs old at home on her own!!!

I am shocked! would you do that??? I wouldn't for sure!

Depends entirely on the child...would have left my older 3 at home at the age of 9..no problem for a short amount of time. Would not leave DS3 at home now and he will be 10 in a couple of weeks.

I now don't like leaving my older 3 at home as they eat all the food in the cupboards!!

Actually it is my dd of 10 that came home last term and told me what we would be doing if a fire broke out in the house and where we owuld escape - she had it all planned out "in the event of a fire" as they had the fire brigade in at school and had spent a couple of lessons doing plans and escape routes.

Dd knew far more than I did, had it all worked out - I didn't (losely maybe)

So really the question is should I be left home alone without her?

Answer - probably not I don't get up to mischeif when shes not here

Just because you are an adult doesn't mean you know everything and just because your a child doesn't mean you are incapable or inadequete in an emergancy situation

Ah - I see the insults have started (always happens when people start to doubt the validity of their argument).

For the record - no, I don't believe all men are potential rapists etc etc because I'm happily married to a lovely man and I know loads of other well-adjusted folk.

I agree with Jaqueline - I shall be giving my DDs gradual amounts of independence when they reach a more mature age - say 13, not 9.

There is also another side to this which is that the "cotton-wooling" ?? of our children is actually neglect...

Hey Chops that's great - I bet she secretly loved it.

And if you're anything like me the first time I left DS1 alone for a short time (and also when he walked to the shop on his own for the first time) I also had a sense of pride that he was perfectly capable of doing it

I sent my 10 year old to the village shop ...should have been a 10-15 minute round trip...after 40 mins started to worry and called the shop. They said he had just left...when he got home i asked why was he so long and he said that next doors chickens were being mauled by a dog...so he spent 20 mins saving the chicken!!!...

Mulrano - what a lovely boy you have! no worries about him!

depends on the child, i am certainly not shocked or worried ny it. However, i didn't leave dd until she was nearly 13 and am sure will be same with ds.

I would be happier to leave my children at home for short spells at 12 or 13. I think 9 is just too young (IMO) and if a situation did arise, I would rather I had been there to try and avoid it

At 13 I left DS1 with the 2 younger ones, if I just wanted to do something short like pop up to the post office. You must end up with some pretty disgruntled DCs if they have to go everywhere with you until they are teenagers. By the time I had got everyone to stop what they were doing and found shoes, coats etc I could have been there and back!

Can't imagine my perfectly competent 12yo having to go round the COOP with me just because she is not 13. Particularly as all kids around here take themselves to school on public transport by this age.

And I would find the gap between 13 and 18 very little time to work in if I had to fit in all the independence training that lies between being able to be in the house for 20 minutes and actually being able to run a household on your own.

Besides, my children spend their holidays in Scandinavia and can't help noticing how much more clued-up and independent Scandinavian children are.

I thought I was being quite laid-back and granting my boy responsibility by letting him stay in the house for the odd hour at 13... till my mother reminded me that they'd left me for a week at the same age!

I find it difficult to believe that you can have a situation where an 11 year old is quietly doing homework at about 5pm, when you desperately want to get to the post office. You know that if it is quiet you can get there and back in 15 mins and at the outside you will be 40 mins because it closes at 5.30. The sensible thing is to pop off on your own-it seems stupid to stop your DC from doing the homework and force them out to the post office with you!

Yes I think this is fine, but I wouldn't at 9 years old

My DSs would have complained all the way at 9 yrs-there are lots of short trips where you would be back in a very short time if you go alone.

My son is only 21 months so this issue is way off for me. My mum used to leave me home alone whenever I was ill all day from the age of about 7. A neighbour would pop in at lunchtime and feed me and I was under strict instructions to stay in my bed until she arrived. I was an over-imaginative child and was completely TERRIFIED the whole time. However I was more scared of my mum's disapproval than of being in the house alone. I still hold it against her and feel that it has contributed to anxiety problems later in life.

I think it depends very much on the child. My boy is quite clingy and sensitive and I will certainly not leave him until he is comfortable and confident.

I wouldn't dream of leaving my 9 year old at home alone.

My biggest concern would be callers at the door. She's sensible, but would she answer even if I asked her to promise not to? I remember promising faithfully to my parents and then opening the door to them when they knocked to test me. I was mortified to have been caught out and lied that I hard the other children. They then said that they had deliberately kept them quiet.

Also, what if soneone broke into the house. Unlikely, but possible - I'm not prepared to take that risk on her behalf for my convenience.

I have older children too, up to 18 y/o. I don't think I left any of them alone until they were at least 12 and even then not for long.

I wouldn't do it and it's nice to think that you might be the same when your little one is 9

So what are the callers going to do? Leave a copy of the Parish magazine and go away? How often do strangers knock at your door?

we are, as usual, talking about different things. Of course 9 year olds should not be left on their own and scared all day. But leaving them for an hour or so while taking another child to a swimming lesson is a completly different thing!

What do you mean Parish magazine? LOL, I don't think I've ever had anyone knock and offer one of those.

But I have had Polish/Czech etc guys knock asking if I want my windows cleaned. I've had people who knock asking me to buy their ironong board covers/pegs/otherusefulhouseholdstuff as they are newly released from prison and are in some sort of schmeme to rehabilitate themselves into society. Not very often, but it has happened.

All I said was I'm not prepared to take the risk. That's my opinion, to which I am entitled, there's no need to be sarcastic because you don't agree and are prepared to take the risk.

The other child can just come to swimming lessons with me, it's tough if they don't like it. The odds of anything going wrong if you leave the child all day are very slim yet you feel you should draw the line there. Why?

And to the person who said earlier that we might ourselves fall down and break our necks etc so maybe we shouldn't be left alone with out 9 y/o children...I know what you mean, but I don't have a choice in that. My husband has to work and so I have to be alone.

But where I do have a choice, I'll do all I can to minimise any risk. I have to take car trips if I want to go anywhere but I strap the children in to minimise the risk of injury in the case of an accident. I have to feed them, but I'll refrigerate food properly to minimise the risk of food poisoning.

We all take risks every day, I agree, but where I feel that the risk is too great for my children I won't take it simply to make something a little easier for me.

It's my opinion, which I gave without criticising others. I don't see why you should feel defensive. Maybe deep down I touched a nerve?

Excuse me? What a bizare post!

I wouldn't have leave my 9 year old child alone all day not because I think she would be in any danger, but because I think she would have been bored and lonely and possibly frightened.

I don't think she would be at any risk at all from Eastern Europeanironing board cover salesman - or even from ex-offenders trying to get their lives back on track. I would have expected my dd at 9 to be able to say "No thank you" nicely to a salesman and to close the door firmly and confidently. If she had broken the rules and opened the door, that is!

I was not aware of being unduly sarcastic - sorry if I was. I suppose I sometimes thing of the contrast between children in the developing world who are often providing for a family at 9, 10 or 11 and our pampered princes and princesses who aren't allowed out to post a letter, or who are never alone or unwatched, and who are never given any responsibility.

I have 13 year old ds who has adhd and I couldnt leave him for any length of time, I would love to give him that gradual independence though,tbh he would cause a flood,burn the house down, strangle the cat,( he did that once)
lol I would love it if he was to sit on his Playstation and not notice I had gone, but his short attention span would not allow that..
no but I am not shocked about leaving a 9 year old, but i agree with the childs maturity.