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Moral dilemma - whether or not to lie to DD (6) to save her feelings.

165 replies

snigger · 24/02/2009 10:47

Background:

When DD1 was born, it was PFB all the way. DD2, as is the lot of DD2s, was greeted with equal adoration but less fanfare - the first weeks were, to be honest, all about me worrying about jealousy and displacement in DD1 on the grounds that a warm, fed, loved baby wasn't bothered about anything else.

DD2 is now 6.

Two issues: we've been putting together photo albums of them from birth to date, and the fact that there are substantially fewer baby pictures of DD2 than DD1 has been remarked upon - I explained this as best as possible without actually saying "We were too busy potty training your sister".

The issue of "DD1 is your favourite" has been brewing quietly, and DD1 most helpfully weighed in this morning at breakfast by bringing the Gund bear DH shot out to buy her minutes after birth, and remarking how she'd had this bear 'all her life'.

Needless to say, a special bear for DD2 would have been a good idea, but never appeared due to time constraints and general lack of organisation, added to the fact that DD2 was born at home, rather than metres from the hospital gift shop.

This morning, thankfully directly outside the school, DD2 turned and asked where her 'special teddy' was, to which I shooed her off with a "Not not, later".

I don't lie to my kids, and it's a major point in our house that if we can't be honest with each other what's the point. For the first time though, I am tempted to text DH, get him to buy a bear for her, and go stick it in the attic and say it must have been there since the move.

What would you do?

Dumbass thread, I know, but I really am not looking forward to telling her much as we adored her, we never quite got round to doing all the things we did with DD1.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Helen31 · 24/02/2009 12:50

Snigger - I think we have the same tumble drier! Have already pre-shrunk everything for PFB . Also made red spots run (but none of the other colours?) on expensive new grobag.

Ooh, not sure I will be able to pull my weight on your big plans WS (you know, I gather these DCs can be a bit time consuming? I was seeing my contribution to original plan as reusing/recycling a by-product). Will have a think on names though...so far can't think of anything that wouldn't make snigger feel a bit guilty and she sounds so nice I wouldn't want to upset her...

woodenspoon2 · 24/02/2009 12:51

Hmm, more websites "Last but not least" "further and better" "more is merrier"?

woodenspoon2 · 24/02/2009 12:53

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ShrinkingViolet · 24/02/2009 12:53

I sent DD3 into nursery with a photo of DD2 aged 2 (part of the Montessori birthday celebrations - they needed a photo of them at each year of their life) as we had no photos of her whatsoever aged two, not even a birthday one - fortunately their coloring is similar, and DD3s wardrobe is mahoosive as it has most of her sisters hand-me-downs anyway, so I think I got away with it . Each of them has their own special teddy though - does that make me a better mummy?

Tiggiwinkle · 24/02/2009 12:53

Let her choose a lovely bear and make a fuss of her! Tell her she is lucky because she got to choose her bear and DD1 had to make do with one chosen for her. (No on second thoughts don't tell her that because you would then have to let DD1 choose one and it could go on for ever...)

stealthsquiggle · 24/02/2009 13:03

I think if you have Helen's LO and others (no shortage of applicants on MN, I am sure) on piece-work rates you could indeed pay a pittance - after all, the minimum wage does not really apply to newborns.

(ponders potential lucrative ways of profiting from Helen's future guilt at attempting to hire out her PFB's services before he/she was even born)

pellmell · 24/02/2009 13:06

I wouldn't lie or feel the need to make up for it by getting a special bear.

The trouble is you will be fighting a losing battle if you think you can prevent any kind of perceived unfairness or sibling rivalry.

If you give the impression that you feel guilty about this then where will it end?

I would be inclined to tell the truth, it's no big deal at the end of the day.
Oh and .......good luck

Helen31 · 24/02/2009 13:07

Guilt? Pah. I'm not sure any of the posters on this thread will be in the running for Mother of the Year award .

SoupDragon · 24/02/2009 13:14

I'm guessing you don't still have the placenta in your freezer? You could make sausages from it.

pellmell · 24/02/2009 13:25

eurghhhhhhhhh [vom]

georgiemum · 24/02/2009 13:32

Get the bear! Pull out and eye and give it to the dog to chew. She'll love it!

woodenspoon2 · 24/02/2009 13:35
2pt4kids · 24/02/2009 13:40

Buy her a bear FGS!! I'd have been to the shops and have bought one by now.
Poor bear-less child

Miyazaki · 24/02/2009 13:45

MP you have been v funny on this thread.

I would fineagle it to save the years and years and YEARS of grief you will get from her. The mushy and whatever else you can rustle up.

StealthPolarBear · 24/02/2009 13:49

"So, the MN consensus is that I should scour the streets of Scotland for a child reminiscent of DD2 aged 6mths to 4yrs, photograph said child or children clasping a pre-sicked-up-on bear of as yet unknown origin, being sure to distress the bear relative to the age of the child in the picture, then heft my not insubstantial arse up to the attic in order to hide it in a special box of Lovely Baby Things culled from the sort of crap one sticks in an attic?"
PMSL! Thanks for this thread

snigger · 24/02/2009 13:52

Knowing my luck, georgiemum, the dog'd choke to death and I'd only be back on here whinging again.

Thanks for sparing my feelings on the website names - what was your offering, "Ill-Begotten Gifts", or something?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 24/02/2009 13:56

www.crapparents.com/

thedolly · 24/02/2009 14:01

snigger
When DD2 was born, you must have bought a little present to her from DD1. Find that pressie now and make both of them feel good . Don't lie, it's not in your nature so you'd probably screw it up .

BitOfFun · 24/02/2009 14:07

Aaarrrgh, soupy, you got me!

thedolly · 24/02/2009 14:09

OK, let's say you forgot to do that , you could still do it now. Take the girls out on a shopping trip with the express purpose of getting DD2 a pressie from DD1. Say that it's something that some families do but you never got around to it (too busy cooing over DD2). That way both DD1 and DD2 will be equally cross with you - problem solved .

Grammaticus · 24/02/2009 14:17

Got me too, soupy! Gah!

FimbleHobbs · 24/02/2009 14:19

You could always do what I did and lose the first child's special bear...

DS was born in hospital, DH dutifully provided lovely bear from shop. DD was born at home, DH didn't think about getting her a lovely bear.

Like the OP we had thousands of cuddly toys when PFB arrived, which did little more than sit in a cupboard for 4 years until I had a clear out and sent a load to oxfam.

DH was pretty miffed when he realised I had included DS's special bear from him in the oxfam consignment. I did it totally unwittingly and had a couple of weeks of comments from DH - 'I can't believe you didn't remember how special that bear was' etc etc (no, funnily enough what with spending my time being covered in newborn projectile vomit, dragging round a catheter, wincing at stitches, providing constant nipplage to said newborn, answering random hospital people's questions, and having no sleep for days, some of those early details are a little hazy).

One day it dawned on me 'Where is DD's special bear then?' and holier than thou DH turned into v sheepish DH and admitted he had never got one for her.

DS has not missed his special bear at all (they do both have other stuff from when they were born, just not teddies from us) - so its prob for the best that I gave it away!

Thatsnotmynamechange · 24/02/2009 14:59

Have you got the bear or not. it's nearly pick-up time. I'm stressed.

snigger · 24/02/2009 15:06

I'm just setting off to get them now, I haven't got the bear, I have got the mushy, and a photo of her with it aged around 8mths.

I'm going to take them with me just in case it comes up in the car, but I'm going to go down the route that the bear was special to DD1, just as the mushy was special to DD2, but that Daddy & I thought it would be nice to take them out so they could pick best friends/sister bears to remind them of each other.

If in doubt, I have chocolate buttons, giant ones.

So obviously, I don't lie, but bribery's just dandy

OP posts:
Thatsnotmynamechange · 24/02/2009 15:07

What, they're both getting a bear?

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