Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Moral dilemma - whether or not to lie to DD (6) to save her feelings.

165 replies

snigger · 24/02/2009 10:47

Background:

When DD1 was born, it was PFB all the way. DD2, as is the lot of DD2s, was greeted with equal adoration but less fanfare - the first weeks were, to be honest, all about me worrying about jealousy and displacement in DD1 on the grounds that a warm, fed, loved baby wasn't bothered about anything else.

DD2 is now 6.

Two issues: we've been putting together photo albums of them from birth to date, and the fact that there are substantially fewer baby pictures of DD2 than DD1 has been remarked upon - I explained this as best as possible without actually saying "We were too busy potty training your sister".

The issue of "DD1 is your favourite" has been brewing quietly, and DD1 most helpfully weighed in this morning at breakfast by bringing the Gund bear DH shot out to buy her minutes after birth, and remarking how she'd had this bear 'all her life'.

Needless to say, a special bear for DD2 would have been a good idea, but never appeared due to time constraints and general lack of organisation, added to the fact that DD2 was born at home, rather than metres from the hospital gift shop.

This morning, thankfully directly outside the school, DD2 turned and asked where her 'special teddy' was, to which I shooed her off with a "Not not, later".

I don't lie to my kids, and it's a major point in our house that if we can't be honest with each other what's the point. For the first time though, I am tempted to text DH, get him to buy a bear for her, and go stick it in the attic and say it must have been there since the move.

What would you do?

Dumbass thread, I know, but I really am not looking forward to telling her much as we adored her, we never quite got round to doing all the things we did with DD1.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
daisy99divine · 24/02/2009 11:59

I would do Squonk's idea and also tell here that she was born at home and that was special

there is a difference between knowing you are loved and having special things happen to you and having stuff

I was number 2, born at home, my sis had loads of photos from birth (well loads for the 60s anyway!) and 2 koalas and bears. I didn't. I finally got my "special" bear with my mum when I was 15 (she was ill, long story but that was the moment for us) I still have my bear on my bed, my sister doesn't

I would try to emphasise the fact that she is adored but having bears and things don't prove it... then have a top day together choosing a bear

escape · 24/02/2009 12:01

Buy a bear -
nothing else washes with them - I've learned that.
Logic, even as an adult, will still be clouded by the 'BUT where was MY bear...
We HAVE to be seen to traet our kids the same.
I have 3 now - and DS2, gawd love 'im , has been invisibly brought up alongside his tempramental brother

EllieG · 24/02/2009 12:03

We had the the opposite in our household - my PFB is 10 months old, DSD (who was PFB to her mother who died) is in a hundred million photos from when she was tiny, but when I started making up DD's baby book I realised her mother had not got round to doing this, though one had been bought. I figured I would never be able to show DD's off if DSD didn't have one cos would make her feel shitty, so I collected up loads of photos of DSDs first year and made that and showed her. I explained to her that I had made it and that had been meant to be made back then but time etc sometimes runs away, she loved looking through it and I think feels as loved as DD, and is cool about DD having one. However, I am aware I take a lot of photos of DD as I am with her all day and just take a lot. Try not to print too many out and I make sure that there are an equal no of photos of both out, if anything, there are slightly more of DSD.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 24/02/2009 12:05

EllieG what a lovely thing to do for your DSD.

EllieG · 24/02/2009 12:05

Sorry bit off the point there. Not sure how that helps you snigger, sorry! Um, I think, buy a bear. But maybe make it a special bear for something now?

snigger · 24/02/2009 12:07
OP posts:
morningpaper · 24/02/2009 12:09

RATTLES? RATTLES????????????

snigger · 24/02/2009 12:10

And then we sold her to Fagin.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 24/02/2009 12:10

What about the sleepsuits she wore when she was first born - do you have that? You could make it into a special bear?

HAVE YOU KEPT ANYTHING? THE STAIN ON THE CARPET FROM HER PLACENTA???? ANYTHING AT ALL??!?!?!?!

morningpaper · 24/02/2009 12:11

give her to me

come on, hand her over

I will buy her a fecking bear

EllieG · 24/02/2009 12:11

Just make lots of the mouse being her special thing. And make a big ol' fuss of her for a while.

stealthsquiggle · 24/02/2009 12:12

I am going to keep this thread to wave at DH, who objects to buying cuddly toys for DD on the grounds that 'we have enough' - whilst failing entirely to understand that the vast majority of what we have are DS's. One thing I am glad about is that all of my animals which have migrated into DS's room are still acknowledged to be mine, so they can be redistributed if/when DD objects, but DS still has a lot more than DD.

That said, DD has enough that there is barely room for her in her bed - could be something to do with my DM, I feel.

snigger · 24/02/2009 12:13

I have the rug she was born on (for which, incidentally, SIL still calls me a clarty bitch).

Of course I have her baby clothes. I just didn't buy her anything for her. The little beast was milking me dry, I didn't think of anything but Kamillosan for nearly four months.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 24/02/2009 12:13

MP has snigger inadvertently unearthed some long-buried childhood trauma of yours ?

GooseyLoosey · 24/02/2009 12:14

You may know that the room full of cuddly toys was for dd1, but are dd1 and dd2 clear about that? Would it not be possible to appropriate one for the role of the missing bear?

saintmaybe · 24/02/2009 12:15

You may hate the great aunt but at least she bought her a toy!

woodenspoon2 · 24/02/2009 12:17

V sympathetic, snigger. This morning DS2 was looking at a huge pile of photos of DS1 at approx 3 weeks, doing nothing at all in a series of locations. Then he asked where his baby photos were...

kalo12 · 24/02/2009 12:19

I would say that she didn't have a bear she had a special blanket but it was so well cuddled that it got worn out.

And then let her choose a special bear for her own.

and then whisper to her

'first, the worst'
second, the best'

Helen31 · 24/02/2009 12:19

Ooh, ooh the rug she was born on! Now that sounds more promising. Is it, ahem, clean?

woodenspoon2 · 24/02/2009 12:21

Must hastily set up a "special bears" same day delivery website to take advantage of panic buying fro second children...

Helen31 · 24/02/2009 12:21

I'm thinking - rug she was born on - aka special blanket? But obviously only if it isn't too manky (squeemish emoticon).

stardazzle · 24/02/2009 12:21

you have my sympathies! we had a similar problem only it was over money boxes. DD1 at her Baptism got 6! money boxes, i think i may have possibly told a few people about this is an OMG you won't believe how many money boxes DD1 got. So at DD2's Baptism, no money boxes!! we had to go out and buy her one! Now she wants to know how come her sister can rotate her money boxes and she just has one (tasteful) money box.

Personally i would go with the birth story bit and the rug. My girls were born similarly DD1 hospital and DD2 at home. We have really played on the fact that she was born at home and she loves that she has that. Plus we tell her that the new shower in the bathroom is extra special because without her home birth we wouldn't have it!

snigger · 24/02/2009 12:23

It's clean now, barely

Kalo - you are inspired. She used to have a 'mushy' - a muslin cloth that she dragged over her head from a few weeks old and was never apart from. It - or one of its twins, we had to have tens of the things for fear she was without during a laundry cycle - is still around. I think it is in the attic.

That might make her feel less , do you think, because she really was into her mushy, she went nowhere without it for two years?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 24/02/2009 12:24

Rug she was born on - great! (although it sounds minging but we will overlook that)

What about the sleepsuit she was first dressed in - you could say this is your special first sleepsuit, look here is a photo of you wearing it - we need to buy a special bear that can wear it for you?

woodenspoon2 · 24/02/2009 12:25

Hmm, I am not so sure a muslin is going to compete with a Special Bear. I would get the bear too. Try www.woodenspoonspecialbears.co.uk