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Original poster

so do you pry in other kids school bags when they come home for tea?

300 replies

sneakypeak · 20/10/2008 17:33

I always have a look to see what reading book theyre on/ what the standard of their work is compared to my dcs.

am i sneaky / sad or is this just normal human curiosity?

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scaryfucker · 21/10/2008 14:42

it took me ages to type that, so any accusations of "freak" or "weirdo" are unjustified

OrmIrian · 21/10/2008 14:45

No. I don't care. No really, I don't.

After years of feeling faintly disappointed that my children weren't paragons of learning (as I was at school), I have learnt to not give a stuff about what others people's DC are doing.

scaryfucker · 21/10/2008 14:45

And my family is all crap at sports, so if there was real competition at sports day, there would be no "gloating"

but there would be a lot more excitement, not this bland "everybody wins" approach

I have stopped going to sports days, I tend to fall asleep

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pagwatch · 21/10/2008 14:46
Gin

no- I don'tthink it is off topic.I think that is interesting.

I think I would make the small distinction btween the point at which the childrenm themselves become aware and competetive. And when the parents are just doing it for them.

Prize day, sports day should be about celebrating excellence. I have no problem with the idea of the supremeley ( or just the most) able being rewarded. My objection would equate more to if they listed everyones poistions in the class IYSWIM
( and then if their mums got a badge too depending on how high their child came in )

pagwatch · 21/10/2008 14:47

ROFL
at gin rather than grin

scaryfucker · 21/10/2008 14:50

there should be a Gin smiley !

AbbeyA · 21/10/2008 15:52

Luckily I never realised, at the time, that reading book levels were a race!

moyasmum · 21/10/2008 16:03

Yes ,but only the reading books obviously.

There were so many different schemes and levels.sometimes dd whipped through a "level"and sometimes they seemed to drag.

Teacher was a bit prickly about levels and discussing it with mums was a bit weird, so covert operations was the only way to go.

Miffyinsurrey · 21/10/2008 16:07

My parents were not competetive types/pushy at all. However I can remember at age 5/6 being desperate to finish the reading books to get to the next level. The reading scheme was even called "Racing to Read"!

ipanemagirl · 21/10/2008 20:11

I don't think it's really comparable with looking in an adult's bag which I would never do. i've helped loads @ ds's school & put things in book bags for the class so often that ot doesn't seem hugelt taboo. I wouldn't read any correspondence or anything. All i've ever done is look @ what reading level they're on & whether they have different spellings or not. It's simple parental insecurity imho!

ninah · 21/10/2008 20:19

OK, so steaming post an exaggeration. But it's underhand, you wouldn't do it openly - if you are that desperate to know just ask!

ipanemagirl · 21/10/2008 20:32

Well obviously it is nothing to be proud of but I like that I can confess to being imperfect on an anonymous forum like this!

I am imperfect and I think most people are imperfect too. Most of us are occasionally less than moral aren't we?

I find it strange how incredibly judgmental threads can sometimes get (I'm sure I'm guilty of it too!) and there is sometimes a whiff of the crucible on this site!

loler · 21/10/2008 20:42

Pagwatch - you sound like a lovely person. I wish I could remember that at 5 it really doesn't matter how my dd is doing at school. I swing between making her read every night to saying it is wrong for a 5 yr old to even be at school.

I feel like printing your post out to remind myself that I'm just being insecure and it really doesn't matter what her friends are doing!

scaryfucker · 21/10/2008 21:39

I agree.

I wish pagwatch was my mum

nooka · 21/10/2008 21:41

We never read ds's reading books in any case, and they would sit around in his bag for weeks, so would give a strange indication of his reading habits (he is dyslexic so I only make him read books he actually likes, otherwise it becomes a big fight). Also I suppose I am coming from the point of view of children with backpacks full of stuff. If you wanted to check out the books you would have to rootle through everything else, some of which is very private to them.

I always thought that parents who helped at school were selfless types, keen to support the school system, not spies on their children's behalf. That said I don't even know who helps at the kids school so they must be good at confidentiality.

FangolinaJolly · 21/10/2008 21:43

Haven't read thread,but no it wouldn't occur to me tbh?Why?Bags are private,child or adult.

They would be alarmed at dd's if she were school age,lots of dribble over everything in her nursery bags,as she drools a lot due to low muscle tone!!!!

ds manages to get the content of his lunchbox over stuff in his,or unwashed PE kit - Ugghhh.

cory · 22/10/2008 09:23

I sort of see what you mean, Seeker. I just don't see how you could learn anything useful from checking the book bag of one other child. As I said before, it's not really going to show you where your child is in relation to where they ought to be.

If you checked dd's book bag, you might have got a shock as she started reading quite advanced books very early- that doesn't mean any child who isn't on the same level is struggling.

If you checked ds's bag, you might feel more confidence than was warranted- ds appears such a normal and bright boy that I am sure his friends' parents don't realise that he's on the SEN register.

A much better idea to gauge where your relaxed approach is taking you is to chat to the teacher or check out the national guidelines.

cory · 22/10/2008 09:34

When I referred to checking handbags, I did not mean actually steaming open letters, I meant things like glancing at a letter that's lying open in the handbag: I wouldn't do that.

And even if I had left a letter unenveloped in my living-room, I would feel annoyed if I caught a friend reading it, rather than quickly turning her eyes away after the first unintentional glance. It's just common manners, not hysterical accusations of invasions of privacy.

Saying that you don't like something is not the same thing as a hysterical claim to perfection. I just don't like the idea of other parents rootling through my children's bags, any more than I would like to see their child opening my bags. I would tell them off without a moment's hesitation.

ipanemagirl · 22/10/2008 11:23

Well I respect everyone on this thread who is nobler than I am! But I am sorry, I am not perfect and I am suitably ashamed of myself so that's that. I think the point of mumsnet is that people can tell the truth here and sometimes seek a forum which has less judgment than the 'real world' outside.

I think it's fine to say - 'I think it's wrong, I wouldn't do it' but to kind of have a go just seems wrong imo. it's just one of those things.

You may well make moral decisions in your life that I think are abominable but this forum is a place where we can be open isn't it?

I haven't looked in every book bag that's come home to my house! I've looked in the odd one AND as I said, I was ashamed of myself! But parental insecurity hits different people in different ways. And good on you for having a clearer moral stance. I respect that. But I also respect the honesty of people who admit when they act in a less than honourable way.

Spidermama · 23/10/2008 13:14

I haven't read the whole thread but have to say I'm absolutely astonished that anyone would look in other childrens' bags. Sorry but anyone who does this is absolutely barking and extremely rude.

If I came for a cuppa would you also go through my handbag when I was in the loo?

Those of you who do it care far too much what other people are doing and that's a waste of time. It's also very competitive and frankly, unfriendly.

So that's my two penneth.

cupchar · 23/10/2008 14:07

Lunchboxes are another thing though..... sneeking a peek - why not!!!

cupchar · 23/10/2008 14:10

I'd plant a really top maths book or something to get the other parents concerned - hahaha!!!

apostrophe · 23/10/2008 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cupchar · 23/10/2008 14:25

lunch boxes call out to be peeked in!!! My kids have a super lunch & I am constantly amazed at the unimaginative offerings of others

micra · 23/10/2008 14:28

I've had the odd look in a child's book bag -more to be nosy to see what sort of comments other parents were writing compared to mine - curiosity just sort of hit me - thought i was the only one who'd ever done it till I read this thread, now I don't feel so guilty!
And no, I'm not a SAHM, not sad, insecure, or have any concerns about my child - just overcome by a sudden opportunity to be nosy. (As it happens, I'm a teacher, so I am well aware of the range of children's abilities and range of parental support and views. But this was purely from a nosey parent point of view).
Can't understand why people throw their hands up in horror - they're reading too deeply into this - there's loads of things in life we nosey at - watching what our neighbours are up to, seeing what the person in front buys at the supermarket.