The Motherhood Delusion

[SantaLucia]

A thread to safely house all the thoughts that you are ashamed to admit. Example:

Why did we have children?

When does it all become worth it?

The day my child was born was NOT the best day of my life (it was my wedding) and I absolutely remember the pain and the boredom of being in hospital.

I can't be bothered reading about child development.

The health visitor is not worth a trip in the rain with a sleeping baby.

Thank goodness I'm over that "newborn" stage. Roll on year 5!

becuase i was young and naive

it becomes worth it at age 6

wedding here too

child gurus make me puke

visiting health visitors should be illegal

I have had alot of "best days" but am only 35 so, hopefully alot more to come.

Babies are boring - toddlers are hilarious although tiresome.

child development books are a pile of crap.

I will not be bereft when my youngest starts school - will doing cart-wheels.

HV's talk shit, nosey and a waste of my time.

To pass on our genes, but we don't like this reality much.

It is sporadically worth it/not worth it, would imagine that continues forever.

Never had a best day, more just best moments of various days.

gave eupon child development books at 6months.

But, I did quite like the whole wieghing thing, at least with the first. It was something to do at least.

oh i was thinking your child was born on your wedding day

Why does nobody ever tell you how boring looking after children is?

The children aren't boring it's the repetative tasks that are required to look aftre them that makes me want to bash my head against the kitchen floor.

the cook-clean-wipe-tidy-wash-iron never ending circle.

Not to mention the activities and lifts required.

I want them to do swimming, I just don't want to have to take them. Or organise thier kit. Or dress them aftre, or wash thier hair.

I am a lazy arse. Motherhood does not suit lazy areses.

While I don't regret having ds:

Having a child sometimes feels scarier and more final than having a £400k 30 year mortgage.

I will never stop worrying, feeling guilty, inadequate and dreading the next stage, and if I'd known it would have been this emotionally demanding I'd have got the coil fitted at 18.

I could hyperventilate at having to entertain this little person for the next 17 years.

Sometimes I want to put my shoes on and just walk out of the house and leave him to climb, destroy, chew and rip as much as he wants.

(I should mention I have pnd right now...)

God it feels good to confess this somewhere, thanks for starting this thread!

Love these responses! Glad I'm not alone. My little girl is great but I can't sign up to all that sugar coated nonsense about how much more fulfilling my life is now that I have her.

Heard a great comment on the radio by a woman who said:

"My mother told me that children are very hard work but you love them so much that you don't mind. She was wrong. Yes you love them so much. But you absolutely do "mind" that they are very hard work".

I'm raising an imaginary cocktail to you all.

''the cook-clean-wipe-tidy-wash-iron never ending circle.'' I so hate this - the words to describe how much I hate these endless chores would not get posted.

27 hours of labour then forceps the best day of my life - how could that be possible??

Don't mind reading the books. Always prefer reading about something to actually doing anything. I have a lot of gardening books too...

Didn't bother with hv or weighings. DD was always a porker.

Much prefer the toddler to the baby. Babies are rather boring.

It's worth it - but as Dickens says it's 'the best of times and the worst of times'...

Parks are the most boring, cold places and I hate having to get excited at the prospect of spending hours of my life watching my kids run around equipment and picking up muck off the ground...

I hate having to choose arguments and sometimes I wish it was me on the ground trying to get my way

I loathe having to dress up everything in positive, 'aren't we having a jolly time' lingo ...

I wish my kids would really grow up and stop wrecking my house

Randomly...

Is there anything worse than mum and baby groups? I don't want to feel I have to bond with strangers over stories of cracked nipples. I spent the first year of my son's life dipping horrible biscuits into stewed tea in a string of grotty community halls creaming inwardly 'Who gives a fuck whether you formula feed or breastfeed? or if little Johnny pushed little Annie over in the wendy corner? I used to be a contender, y'know! A contender, I tell ya! Doesn't anybody care?????...'

I hate the way kids mix the different colours of play doh together, mix the small lego bits with the big lego bits, are always a few pieces short of a complete jigsaw and generally have no respect for the order I secretly crave....

I will never get used to sleep deprivation.

I will forever mourn my gorgeous pre-baby figure (sob).

Oh, and I ignore everything the HV says. Smile, nod, make non-commital yet polite 'mmm' sounds at all ridiculous suggestions.

Motherhood is great, though, Especially when they're asleep and you get to crack open the wine

SantaLucia have you read 'The Mummy Myth'?

It's all about the 'sugar coated' image of motherhood ,and how a myth has been created about how women are only truly fulfilled as women through motherhood, when our eyes become opened to our true nature and reason for being.

It's interesting. we read it for our (all mothers) reading group, and it crated some interesting discussion.

Let's face it, if we didn't fall for the "you will feel truly fulfilled" crap the human race would hae died out long ago.

nah, we'd have them anyway. the urge to procreate is very strong, we'd have lower expectations, and therfore may enjoy it more without having to pretend we enjoy it all.

Animals don't have babies to become emotionally fulfilled.

Thanks Communion. That is a very thoughtful recommendation. Its a good book and, while I didn't connect with it all, it certainly gets people talking.

Mrs Mattie - ha, ha, ha re: mother and baby groups. Totally agree. They bring out my pointless rebellious streak and I should really be reigning that in when trying to make new friends. The last one I went to (on a really miserable rainy day) included a conversation which started like this:

"Isn't it amazing that when your baby is warm and dry you don't care how cold and wet you are"

Arrrghhh!

Mother and Baby groups are the work of the Devil - that is why they tend to be held in Church Halls.

oh god I agree RE mother and baby groups. What a waste of effing time.

Communion animals also don't usually have to bloody look after their offspring for at least 18 years

Great thread

Giving birth was definitely much better than getting married, but I get the impression that those of you who enjoyed your wedding days weren't worrying about your toddler beating up his other toddler friends during the best man's speech?

My children are actually quite boring.

I hate Lego.

Why aren't my children organised?

I want to spend some of my money on me for a change!

I agree with all this. I love my DS's more than anything and couldn't imagine any other sort of life, but it is such hard work, and sometimes I wonder what has happened to me. I don't feel like myself any more - just a servant/housekeeper and everything I do is for the children. I am bored of playing games, going to the park, socialising with mums at the school gate, but when I am at work I also feel like I don't really belong there any more with all the other people talking about going out/getting drunk and having no responsibilities.

Does anyone else say "fuck off" in their heads when the DCs are being a PITA? It can't be just me?

Babies are boring after the first two weeks when all the fuss has calmed down then everyone loses interest and you are left with a red screaming bundle thinking WTF?

Toddlers are funny but need all your attention

Tweenies are whiny and needy but quite nice and cuddly still.

6-8 year olds --are very good best age they still love you unconditionally but like to assert their independance and they can play alone .

8-16 year olds they start realising that you are not perfect ,they assert too much independance and they want very expensive things ,then they tell you they hate you start smoking ,stay out all night and get excluded from school .
That little bundle you thought was going to go to uni become a doctor and find the cure for cancer is now a slobby college drop out who borrows money and grunts at you occasionally and ruins your best bathtowels by dying their hair green/pink or blue

So you can hope for two good years at least ImnotOK?

Having children made me realise I'm less maternal than I thought.

I love children, always really wanted children, imagined being a devoted earth mother. Had children, adore them, but spend alot of time thinking 'I just want to sleep, read, go out, be ON MY OWN!!!'.

I love being on my own now.

I don't do craft activities like I imagined I would, I don't play with them, I hate housework.

(I really feel I should now write all the great things about them and being a mother to balance this out, or reassure myself, but I will resist.)