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Parenting

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Original poster

The Motherhood Delusion

589 replies

SantaLucia · 07/08/2008 17:37

A thread to safely house all the thoughts that you are ashamed to admit. Example:

Why did we have children?

When does it all become worth it?

The day my child was born was NOT the best day of my life (it was my wedding) and I absolutely remember the pain and the boredom of being in hospital.

I can't be bothered reading about child development.

The health visitor is not worth a trip in the rain with a sleeping baby.

Thank goodness I'm over that "newborn" stage. Roll on year 5!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BitOfFun · 07/08/2008 20:53

"My, he was yar" ROFL - I love that movie, so glad you reminded me of this- I will endeavor to pop it into a conversation at least once this week Special!

I have enjoyed reading this heretic thread, makes me feel more normal.

My guilty pleasure is that my 7 yr old daughter with pretty heavy special needs spends 3 nights a week at my ex-P's house, and gorgeous though she is, I blardy LOVE the break.

I also feel a bit guilty at shooing my 12 year-old dd upstairs at half nine every night so I can chainsmoke, drink wine and shag my DP on the sofa

[runs away quick to escape shrieks of disapproval...]

WinkyWinkola · 07/08/2008 20:55

This is so pertinent for me just now. I feel so frustrated and hacked off at the minute. PMT? Dunno.

There's lots of simple stuff I just can't do with children about. Get my hair done, put eye liner on properly, go to the gym, even the bloody toilet sometimes. This morning, I was on the toilet for far longer than was necessary because I was enjoying being alone. DD (15 months) came in and pulled up my pyjama trousers to chivvy me off the loo. Sigh.

Most of all, I hate the feeling that opportunities are passing me by as I stand stock still because I cannot devote the time and energy required to make these opportunities mine. I can't even write an essay at the moment because one child or the other wakes up for some such reason.

I'm thinking I'll have to jack in my course until my DCs are older and actually embrace sleep. But then, that could be years and years and I'll be an old crone by then. I don't want to sacrifice everything to my DCs. Otherwise, I'll be the kind of granny that suffocates and interferes because I've nothing else going on in my life.

I too don't like the saccharine view of parenting. I don't know how that came to be bandied about. There's an awful lot of grim graft that goes on and well, I'm not sure I'm actually physically strong enough to be honest. There are days where I'm so tired I have to stretch out on the bed or sofa and let the DCs just bounce about.

Spiel over. Must go to howling DD now. Again.

slavemum · 07/08/2008 20:57

pmsl BOF: would send her up at 9!!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

AddictedToMyEarplugs · 07/08/2008 20:57

Motherhood is great once the children are asleep.

Oh to have a conversation without someone tapping me constantly and interrupting.

I wish someone would run me a bath (with bubbles), wash my bum, put me in clean pyjamas and tuck me up in bed with a bottle. They have the life of Riley these kids I tell ya!

georgimama · 07/08/2008 21:01

This is why I go to work.

I like to fantasise that if only I could be a SAHM I would spend all my time on c*nting buttcakes type activities with DS, but actually I know I would watch Jeremy Kyle whilst he played with electricity (DS is 18 months old). This is why I rub SAHM mums up the wrong way quite a lot, because I am convinced that is what they are doing. I realise that most of them aren't actually as negligent as me.

I adore DS. I have never even raised my voice to him. The day he was born actually was the best day of my life (my mum was with me and she did comment that the moment I saw him I looked as if I loved him. She did not have that with any of us - although she was a fantastic mother and could not have loved us more as children). But I love him so much more when he sleeps for 12 hours.

TheCrackFox · 07/08/2008 21:08

Why on earth would you watch Jeremy Kyle? The TV must be tuned onto Cbeebies - that way you can mumsnet all day.

georgimama · 07/08/2008 21:11

True, but Jeremy Kyle provides an opportunity to feel vastly superior and by golly I need that sometimes! I often think, "I'm not doing this right, I'm not a good enough mother, I'm not good enough at my job, I'm not doing any of this properly" and then I see good old Jeremy and his so delectable guests and feel much better.I am ashamed of this but whilst we are all confessing these dark night of the soul thoughts I might as well be honest.

AddictedToMyEarplugs · 07/08/2008 21:13

I had a sneaky feeling that my mum wasn't keen on motherhood either.

So I said to her a while ago "Did you enjoy bringing me and my sister up". Mum said "Well it was alright but I always kept thinking there was something better I could have been doing"

I know exactly what she means.

Original poster

SantaLucia · 07/08/2008 21:27

I'm thrilled that so many people have replied to this thread. I had a feeling that it would lie empty while everybody shook their heads and tutted under their breath and felt sorry for me because I'm missing out on such an amazing life experience.

Thanks to all. Funny, clever comments from women who obviously had/have a life.

Whenever I feel like getting on a plane to Paris and working my way round Europe having a string of affairs with glamorous, unsuitable men - I'll read this thread and think of you all muttering f**k off under your breath at the children. Brilliant!

It might just keep me sane....

OP posts:

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 07/08/2008 21:30

stuff that, SantaLucia, we'll all now be imaginging getting on a plane to Paris and...

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/08/2008 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

georgimama · 07/08/2008 21:39

This thread needs to be on round-up - this thread is what MN is for - actual support and not one drop of judgment.

sfxmum · 07/08/2008 21:42

I think the sugar coated version of motherhood is just plain silly, like the falling inlove / being in love forever/ the one/ my way / perfect day/ etc they are all adolescent fantasies which have no place in a grown woman's mind

motherhood is fine if you choose it, it is a stage in someone's life, does not entirely define you

housework not the same as motherhood btw

WinkyWinkola · 07/08/2008 21:43

Well, I do miss the freedoms and leisure a child-free life allows. Very much.

I don't think it's got anything at all to do with loving my children less or not being there for them as a parent.

I also think it's good for children to know their parents have their own lives and interests that don't necessarily involve them.

WinkyWinkola · 07/08/2008 21:45

Sugar coated motherhood sets everyone up for failure and disappointment. But who knows any better until they've done it? Nobody.

Unfortunately, tradition has it that housework is very much involved with motherhood. You're at home - why is it such a mess? You're here all day.

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/08/2008 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 07/08/2008 21:46

I love ds to pieces of course (god knows I've posted often enough about that) and I know the things he does that drive me bonkers will stop soon (no doubt to be replaced by other things driving me even more bonkers). But it's kind of like loving, I dunno, AbFab, or something - constant 24/7 exposure would make you, well, wibble, doesn't it.

laura325630 · 07/08/2008 21:46

My 8 week old dd has started laughing and now I know it was worth it! She is so much fun now and is only going to get better! Having said that I do get days when I am bored, she will smile at me and I snap out of it!

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 07/08/2008 21:46

georgimama I'm a sahm (ha, that came out sham first time I typed it!) ad you're not rubbing me up the wrong way

WowOoo · 07/08/2008 21:47

Ah, this has made me smile so much.

Another secret wish of mine was that I wish I hadn't complained thatmy dh works and goes out too much.

I find myself trying to arrange things for him!!

Yep, bliss is when they're asleep but having the house to yourself is even better. Had such a lovely 2 hours today (I hoovered, listened to music loud ish , chatted on phone and faffed) BLISS.

Does anyone else wish their dh's would just bugger off out a bit more?

sfxmum · 07/08/2008 21:48

personally I think I would have resented having children early on before I got to do stuff and be bored by it and to be honest after dd it took me 2 yrs to want to do go out more

everything has its time I guess, I do enjoy motherhood just don't expect it all to be shiny happy all the time nothing is really

MrsMattie · 07/08/2008 21:48

PMSL@ this thread, especially SantaLucia, TheCrackFox, and solidgoldbrass.

Hands up who has been smack bang in the middle of cleaning sick out of your hair or shit out of the carpet or some such other hellish motherly duty and thought 'How the fuck did I get here?' ???

georgimama · 07/08/2008 21:49

thanks Phd, it isn't intentional when I do it, just born of envy and projection of my own failing onto other people's situations!

sfxmum · 07/08/2008 21:50

I meant the intensive early years are a stage

OrmIrian · 07/08/2008 21:50

"Yep, bliss is when they're asleep but having the house to yourself is even better"

I so agree.

WHatever you think about sugar-coated motherhood, sugar-coated marriage is even more ridiculous.

I want to live alone!

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