The Motherhood Delusion

[SantaLucia]

A thread to safely house all the thoughts that you are ashamed to admit. Example:

Why did we have children?

When does it all become worth it?

The day my child was born was NOT the best day of my life (it was my wedding) and I absolutely remember the pain and the boredom of being in hospital.

I can't be bothered reading about child development.

The health visitor is not worth a trip in the rain with a sleeping baby.

Thank goodness I'm over that "newborn" stage. Roll on year 5!

5:30 comes in an AM? Seriously WTF?!?!

My lovely godmother said to me last year (she is 75) "children are lovely until age 8, then they start going off"

I was stunned as she has always been the archetype huge house, SAHM, baking every week, sews and knits and keeps house spotless, doting mother of 3, doting granny of 5, looking after her mum aged 98 every day all round wonderful person...!

I love DD, I love her asleep, I love it when she has a friend round and I can read a book.

Washing, cleaning, cooking, wiping, tidying, planning, organising...it gets done, I don't enjoy it, I am sick of it, I have years of it to look forward to.
DH says the other day "what food would you like?" and I said "something I have not planned, bought or cooked myself".

Anyone remember the series "Butterflies" when the boys are ribbing their mum about buying their father's pants and she says "the world is full of women buying their men pants".

I prefer around age 8 to the babies and toddlers stage!

My DH and I guiltily fantasise about how life will be once our darlings leave home, and we are truly besotted with them.

No more "she/he hit me", the endless ferrying about, laundry mountain (of which most is clean, just couldn't be bothered to put away), filthy bedrooms, MSN, feckin Hollyoakes............

Would never dare say this in RL so thanks for this thread.

I remember reading another mums forum where a mum was in an indignant rage becuase another woman told her how darling her children were when they were asleep. Her thoughts were her children were gorgeous awake etc etc.

I love looking (ie. checking they're still alive) at my sleeping babies and am filled with love for them.

I prefer working to looking after my own children. Uuuuuuuh that feels better...

I'm most filled with love for both my DS and my DH when I watch them playing together in the garden.....whilst I make myself a cup of tea and mumsnet

Gosh I can't relate to any of this. Better get off this thread quick....

Ashamed to admit...

My life would be happier if I had stuck to my instincts and not had a child. I love DS but my life sucks.

I would not be facing job searching again because I would not have failed at cramming a five day a week job into four days.

I would have had a holiday sometime in the last two years. AND it woud have been to somewhere AMAZING!

I would still be fairly fit and be able to wear all my old clothes.

I would go out more than once a bloody year.

I would not be raddled with constant worry about EVERYTHING.

I would be able to read a book.

I do the "fuck off" thing at times too.

(Come on, cleversprout, join in!)

Thanks OP for this thread!

I could have written your post myself

I think it is only a problem when you try to shoe horn every other mother into your situation.

Just because you feel that your children are the best thing ever and your life is so much better with them in it, doesn't mean that is how every other mother feels or should feel.

Sometimes it is great being a mother. But sometimes, like today, I sat in the park thinking o we MUST have been here at least half an hour hurrah we can go home... then looked at my watch and only FIVE bloody minutes had gone by.

I can do ten minutes of playing with the zoo/fifi house etc on the floor. then my eyes bleed. But that is just me. there is not one mother hat that fits all.

Brilliant thread.

My confession:

I like my own DD (most of the time) but I really DON'T much like other people's kids and I seem to have to spend an increasingly large amount of time around them at various playgroups.

I've left DD whinging in her cot having woken from her nap for the last 20 mins cos this thread was so good I had to read it all!

Am enjoying this thread, strangely very cheering for those TTC no. 1. I guess the grass is always greener and I assume (hah) that when a little one arrives everything will be "baby-gap advert" perfect. I shall now be making the most of my night out tonight, lie in tomorrow and white cushions rather than moping.....

Still really really want a little one tho (damn hormones

Daffodilly, I agree - I love my own DS's but I don't really like spending time with other people's childen. When my younger DS has friends over to play I always seem to be wiping their really snotty noses and they always leave a mess in the bathroom - wee all over the floor etc. And all my older DS's friends seem to do is show off, brag and talk about how much better their toys are.

ohh newb, all the best of luck

make the most of your freedom

and no, I didn't listen to anyone who said that to me either pre-babies. I wanted a baby and that was it

Let's feel positive that most of us on this thread are not going to suffer empty nest syndrome and rush off and adopt 40 puppies and umpteen cats when our kids leave home...like my cousin, who then plagued her kids to have kids, so she should be a granny.

Dd is the centre of my world, I have absolutely no regrets at all about having her (took a long time, a lot of drugs, and a lot of money) - but I do feel a lot of the things described on this thread. And that didn't come as a surprise. Just because you love your dc doesn't mean you love every minute of motherhood and everthing about being a mother. It's comforting to know that a lot of us get fed up with the same things.

Why are they such ungrateful little tURDS?
Is it my fault they're such ungrateful little turds?
DH and I would not still be a couple but for them.
Will they like me at all when they grow up, or will they go on websites complaining about the childhood from hell? [It's not that bad, honest, but I would say that, wouldn't I?]
My life is so boring and lonely.

I really ought to have achieved something better with my life.
I shouldn't have had dc4.
I should have stopped at two.

Empty nest syndrome? I'll love it. I love the chaos of my house now but I'll relish the quietness of it when I'm an old lady. I'll need peace then.

Are we somehow lesser mothers and or people because we don't find our children utterly scintillating company all of the time? And that we sometimes yearn to be our own person by ourselves occasionally? Just human, I think.

I should have stopped at two too. Which is ironic, because no. 3 is just lovely. It's the three of them combined I'm not coping with. I do wonder, if I had stopped at two, whether I would still think all these things anyway. ach, it's the summer hols. It makes it all extra tough. When I have time with them individually, I quite like it sometimes. And I love the toddler's cuddles ( the other two weren't/aren't cuddly kids ).

I don't like smartarsed doctors

I hate loathe and despise lazy midwives

The NCT need abolishing, pure and simple

Health visitors are a stunning combination of nosey and incompetent

Teachers are a stunning combination of smug and incompetent

My children though, they're lovely. Pretty well all the time, even when they are red-faced with fury.

I much prefer cuddling kittens to cuddling babies.

i do not want to "cuddle" anybody's newborn thank you very much.

Sometimes I get a brief broody feeling but I think it's just a hormonal thing so I ignore.

I also agree that the NCT is a waste of time. i'd rather stick pins in my eyes than sit on a beanbag in somebodys living room with other couples.

Oh my gosh, am loving this thread!

PMSL at "my, he was yar" Know what you mean, too - personally I'm passing my days by having improper thoughts about Rex from Big Brother [comes over all unnecessary]

My shameful admission is that I can't honestly say I'd have had children if I'd known what it would've been like I certainly wouldn't have had DS had I know what he would be like. His first year (almost over, thank goodness!) has been a complete living hell and I'm desperately wishing away his babyhood, which in turn makes me feel sad and guilty. His birth was wonderful but DD's birth was probably the worst day.

LOL also at whoever wanted a white house with no plastic tat - I am sick of seeing their stuff everywhere! I want to walk into the lounge without stepping on a plastic horse, a toy car, a dice, some Lego and assorted sodding Peek-A-Blocks. And is it really too much to ask to put the lids back on the felt pens?

It starts with pregnancy. "Glowing Pregnant Lady" is the myth I hate. I hated being pregnant. Hated the lack of control, the throwing up in the street on my way to work, the gagging when brushing my teeth, the shite things that happen that nobody tells you about - chronic indigestion as your stomach moves out the way of the baby, the achy joints because your bones are widening, the fact your feet grow a fecking size and you never fit into those lovely sandles again.
And it can get worse. Babies sleep for bloody hours (or mine did) so you find yourself with nowt to do.
Ironing little baby grows and cutie outfits people have given you - the "aww, they're sweet" moments wear off quickly and you rue the day you saw a ruffle.
Children's TV is boring. Not as much fun as when I was a child. There is only so many times you can read "The Gruffalo" or "Thats Not My Fairy" before you wonder if your brain cells are camping elsewhere.
The HV is a scary lady who tells you everything is wrong, and makes random threats to take your baby way.
You have to discuss your post-baby body with people like your father in law and other random people "are you getting cracked nipples love?" "have your periods come back yet dear?" - Jesus, com'on!!
Some days you feel like you're trudging.

But... having said all that DD is now nearly three, and she's just amazing. I think it gets better when they're walking / talking a little. DD has an excellent vocab, and she's also really funny. You can ask her a question and you get a lovely answer as to why sharks cant fly ("they dont have wings, you silly mummy") and she's now a little person rather than a teeny baby.

Dh and I are planning another...