Do you think the SAHM "model" is the one to which parents (& parents to be) aspire?

[lizinthesticks]

Is mum at home w/ the baby the ideal that most people are hoping to realise? And if not, what is?

Obviously in the absence of a large scale survey it's impossible to answer this question. But what's your impression?

Me, I don't know. I think the ideal SHOULD be a 50 / 50 arrangement - both parents sharing childcare and work. But I don't think others in general share this idea. And I suspect the SAHM is still pretty popular - as an ideal, i.e.

But it's really hard to know.

"I think the aspirational ideal for many is that of a cosy 1950's society with bobbies on bicycles and polite children with loving parents possibly both working while little johnny is at school but with a home cooked meal on table at 6pm provided by mater."

Hmmm - but for how many is that the ideal? Does it tip the balance to make a small majority, would you guess?

My guess is that although there are parts of that idealised past that people might want to hold onto (the stability, the wholesomeness, etc), they also are aware of the crapness of it. The dullness, the fact that it never worked like that in practice, etc. The frustrations and the fabled valium housewives it gave rise to, and so on.

But yeah, I do take your point about the acquisitive style of lives right now. And how that necessitates two FT workers.

I don't say the aspiration existed - I merely point out it is 'an ideal' that people (not all certainly, not me actually) aspire to but maybe I listen to too much radio 4 - ideals are just that - bit like the ideal man and the ideal figure - if you like - a load of codswallop people buy into...

oops sounding defensive there but I am sort of thinking as I type which doesn't always make for coherent and fully realised arguments

Quattro - as it happens, the SAHMs I know are all the wives of friends, i.e. it was thier dh's that were my friends originally, and they are all quite well off. I don't know any other SAHMs. The majority of mothers I know work PT.

I know lots of SAHMs and lots of WOHMs too.

Most of the SAHMs I know have MBAs and met their other halves at B-school or at work in investment banking/consulting or some other similarly lucrative and all consuming profession that meant that it was both practically unfeasible and financially superfluous for both partners to continue working once they had children.

Anna, you so love talking about the rarefied strata you mix in. I love "financially superfluous".

I just want to counter the myth that it is only the unintelligent or lazy who give up work to raise their children.

I thought you were going back to work?

I do work.

I must be behind then. I didn't know.

Who are you anyway?

I've been back at work since last November.

However, I still consider myself to be a SAHM. Oddly, there are posters on this thread who work less than me who consider themselves to be WOHMs. So obviously there are huge issues about perception

I am behind then.

I have come to the decision that I will waste spend my precious time discussing this at the point Blokesnet have a similar, vitriolic and defensive thread.

Could someone let me know when that happens and I'll add my twopennith then.

Until then I'll muddle on as best I can and not feel the need to spend too much time obsessing about what "model" aspiration I might be failing to reach today.

I can't help but feel that everyone who disagrees with me (particularly on this thread)is a wanker. Is this a SAHM thing?

Or just a late night insomniac thing? [ponders....]

i have fucking insomnia, too.

Crap isn't it. And you always feel like death the next day - at the most inappropriate time (like when you are driving along an A road)

and the girls wake up all happy and i just want to SLEEP.

Tell me about it!