Do you think the SAHM "model" is the one to which parents (& parents to be) aspire?

[lizinthesticks]

Is mum at home w/ the baby the ideal that most people are hoping to realise? And if not, what is?

Obviously in the absence of a large scale survey it's impossible to answer this question. But what's your impression?

Me, I don't know. I think the ideal SHOULD be a 50 / 50 arrangement - both parents sharing childcare and work. But I don't think others in general share this idea. And I suspect the SAHM is still pretty popular - as an ideal, i.e.

But it's really hard to know.

I am a SAHM at the moment but DS2 is starting nursery school soon so will able to afford to work part-time soon. It may be an ideal for some but most SAHMs don't actively choose it - they end up doing to because childcare costs often are more than some women get paid.

I think, in general, society can't decide what it wants from women. If you work full time then you are deemed greedy and if you are a SAHM then you are lazy. Part-time is deemed fine, so long as it is a job a man would not want.

I am not brave enough to be a SAHM much longer as finanically you are stuffed if your marriage breaks up.

Oh - in that case I say 'no'

in my experience most women I know who have children are choosing to go back to work. Particularly those who are my age (38) and having kids later having built up a career or at least a few years of work, these women don't want to 'give it all up' and be dependent upon their husband's wage.

My best friend has continued her job as a teacher through all her pregnancies. Now that her youngest child is 4 she has changed schools and works 3 days a week in a special needs school which is much more demanding when she is there but allows her to have 2 days free. All her kids are in school so those 2 days are her own days.

With twaster generalisations like this for instance: "your only role model once your children are older is the woman from "Butterflies" which isn't great".

No, SAHM not ideal, and certainly not an idea which everyone aspires to.

I have been happy yo work ft since dd was a baby (she is now 12), work with and am friends with women who all without exception follow the same path. Some of my friends would like to work pt (but are unable due to either finances or career impairment), but most of us are more than happy to work full time and be a mother at the same time.

And funnily enough we are not heartless old cows with ice in our veins, either.

Did anyone see that Daily Mail article today??? Hang on, will get a link

that should be twatster

My aspiration is neither of us working and neither of us staying at home - instead travelling the world en famille. Not likely in the near future so I'll settle for my current status of both of us working in order to one day realise the latter!

SAHM is definately not aspirational for me.

titled are supermums selfish??

I'm with PPH.

Now if I was a MAN I'm sure I'd aspire to the SAHM model

How nice to go off to work and come back to a clean house, nice kids, ironed shirts, supper on the table and have all evening and every weekend to play with the kids

Oh yes I'd be an unreconstructed chauvinist if I was a man

Xenia where are you?

Xenia? - well you won't find her with her children.

(us royals need to stick together queenmeabh)

I think the ideal is to have the choice to do what you feel is right. Sadly most people don't have the choice.
I think having a parent at home for the formative years is important and disagree with the normality of putting young babies into full-time group childcare. I feel strongly that this is one of the reasons we are seeing increasing levels of violent behaviour in young children.

I'm a SAHM and part-time student, we're TTC number 2 and will likely have less time at home with subsequent children if/when they come as I will be starting my career as a counsellor. I think we should have more opportunity to share parenting, I know DH would love to spend more time at home but our society lacks behind the set up seen in countries in Scandinavia for example.

Oh that bloody Daily Mail article.

now hmc that isn't very nice of you
she does work from home you know, the majority of the time, she wouldn't do that if she was disinterested in them

Absolutely, PPH - I would like a little wifey, please.

There isn't an ideal for the parents. People are far too different to aspire to a similar ideal of raising children. Otherwise MN would be incredibly dull.

My sister and I had the same upbringing, same education and TOTALLY opposing views about this issue. She loves her kids to bits but finds too much childcare dull and hardwork. TBH kids are probably better off spending time at a nursery.

I on the other hand much prefer the company of my kids than my collegues and so and better as a SAHM (though I am forced to work part time for moneysake)

Someone asked what a University education has to do with it. I would have thought that was obvious! A woman (or man) who has been educated to a high level and has a stimulating career is less likely to give it all up than someone who does unskilled low status work. I'm not being judgey btw, just stating facts. Of course having a university education doesnt mean you can't be a SAHM! I was just making the point that many people who do have specialised graduate professions choose NOT to give it up because they have spent a long time getting where they are, and also because the work is likely to be as enjoyable and interesting as being at home!

HMC what a fucking horrible thing to say, especially about someone who isn't even here.

"I think we should have more opportunity to share parenting, I know DH would love to spend more time at home but our society lacks behind the set up seen in countries in Scandinavia for example. "

absobloodylutely Lynsey

Women do need to be near their kids in the early months, for breastfeeding, bonding etc but I do think this assumption that women should be the main carer is so wrong. Men don't get these opportunities and they should!

I have a Masters degree findtheriver and I am a SAHM. Thing is we are seriously minted so I can have domestic help for all the drudge work, be with my children and do what I want to most of the time. I think that's a pretty intelligent choice.

PS you look good in green.

Way to go HMC

It's no more 'fucking horrible' than some of the crap she espouses

Why thank you ThisIs

I don't think I could be a SAHM long term, 10 months with ds was enough for me, though I'm looking forward to taking maternity leave again with dc2. I think a mixture would be ideal - with both parents getting plenty of time with the kids and the opportunity to get out/work/study/whatever. But it doesn't have to be 50-50. DS enjoys being with his CM, and I think he may well enjoy nursery if I send him to one in future.