Do you think the SAHM "model" is the one to which parents (& parents to be) aspire?

[lizinthesticks]

Is mum at home w/ the baby the ideal that most people are hoping to realise? And if not, what is?

Obviously in the absence of a large scale survey it's impossible to answer this question. But what's your impression?

Me, I don't know. I think the ideal SHOULD be a 50 / 50 arrangement - both parents sharing childcare and work. But I don't think others in general share this idea. And I suspect the SAHM is still pretty popular - as an ideal, i.e.

But it's really hard to know.

Erm yes.... I feel I'm doing fine thanks.

Gosh, is it always so hostile here?
I am not critisising working parents. I am critisising the system that takes aways real and valid choices. There is far too much pressure on families to "be" a certain way. If everyone is so fulfilled with working full-time and raising a family and juggling all other life events why are so many people unhappy?

that was to mugglewummmp btw

"Once Dcs are at school you are no longer a SAHM just unemployed."

It's the holiday you earned for the previous 4 years of sheer hell.

I'm in Edinburgh - we get an extra year of sheer hell. They don't start school until they are 5!

"a shockingly high amount seem to sit around and drink coffee and have lunch together."

And is this not something to aspire to?

If only they were doing it on the banks of the Thames near Big Ben they would be running the country.

"why are so many people unhappy?" You are on thin ground here as research shows it's the SAHMs who are more depressed.

Not sure why this concerns you Princess.
I certainly don't want to go back full time when DDS are at school. I'd like to be able to take them, pick them up and chat to them aout their day, have dinner together, have friends round for tea etc...

Don't really worry about what anyone else aspires too, its how our family works and what I want for my DDS.

For what its worth, I have a degree...really don't think its that relevant.

Your degree?

"Is it a class thing"

Class will definitely come into it - it does in everything else. But I'm damned if I know how. I guess for one thing SAHM-ing tends to look fucking ace if you have to go out to work in a shite job for money that is only a little more than child care costs.

Having said that, I also imagine that there are those right at the top who think of it as the "right" thing to do.

Fuck knows.

Not sure why that is relevant

Probably depressed about being told they're worthless, dimwits.

It was a joke. You said it wasn't relevant. I asked if your degree wasn't relevant. I always think jokes are best when explained.

Hilarious

C'mon, lulu, it's banter. What we do at work, you know?

aspire to be a sahm?
hell i never thought i wanted to have kids..

i am educated, self employed at the time, but never looked into even the costs of childcare.. we both felt one of us should be with him
dh had to get a job pronto..and he did, bless..

know plenty of sahm wahm part timers etc and it comes down to mix finances and feelings,

over analsyed topic on here..imho..

but this has been hardest best worst most unique job ever and it finishes soon
am proud to have done it and lucky financially i could and had a choice
thats not universal and that is the pity

Lizinthesticks - I think the question you pose is hard to answer because we either rely on research to back up our own perceptions ('lies, damned lies and statistics' iykwim) or we rely on our own anecdotal experiences.

I think the aspirational ideal for many is that of a cosy 1950's society with bobbies on bicycles and polite children with loving parents possibly both working while little johnny is at school but with a home cooked meal on table at 6pm provided by mater. But in reality the consumerist/ individualist society we live in means that we also aspire to acquire lots of material goods, large mortgages, foreign holidays and the latest mobiles etc. Demands that have little to do with an ideal family life really.

Balancing those sometimes contradictory aspirations = a dissatisfied society in my opinion.

bigmouth you have summed up what I'm trying to get across.

'Once Dcs are at school you are no longer a SAHM just unemployed.' Depends how you view unemployment and paid work. I am a SAHM to school age kids, if someone calls me unemployed that is fine with me. If someone decides to 'spend' or use their own time instead of 'sell' it to an employer, I don't see anything bad about that. Should we do paid work for the sake of it if we don't need to and are happy not doing so? School isn't childcare, we need to be avaliable all the time and often the school are desperate for helpers on a weekly basis (swimming etc). There is plenty of stuff to do even if your kids are in school. Yeah, you get a nice break too and like someone said, freedom after those years hard work!

"if you work you get to wear more intersting clothes

fact"

Oh Cod what absolutely bollocks there is nothing more ghastly than women in work clothes.

1950s society? Er nope, can't say I aspire to that bigmouth!

Bigmouth - but that ideal you mention did not in fact exist at any stage in the past. It didn't describe reality. Just the very early stage of mass television programmes. Don't confuse the two.

My work clothes are lovely!

"there is nothing more ghastly than women in work clothes." My DH would disagree.

The stage we are in now is quite modern though too and may only apply to a portion of the world. Everything is relative.