Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

Do you think the SAHM "model" is the one to which parents (& parents to be) aspire?

220 replies

lizinthesticks · 07/08/2008 16:58

Is mum at home w/ the baby the ideal that most people are hoping to realise? And if not, what is?

Obviously in the absence of a large scale survey it's impossible to answer this question. But what's your impression?

Me, I don't know. I think the ideal SHOULD be a 50 / 50 arrangement - both parents sharing childcare and work. But I don't think others in general share this idea. And I suspect the SAHM is still pretty popular - as an ideal, i.e.

But it's really hard to know.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MadamePlatypus · 07/08/2008 17:44

I think the number of women who have the choice between having a lovely high paid career and a nanny or spending their time doing school runs in their massive car (and probably having a nanny too) is very small. For some its a luxury to be a SAHM, for some its a luxury to be able to afford childcare so that they can go back to work. It just depends what cards you have been dealt. It is very expensive to have two or more children in full time childcare. I think the spacing of your children can have more of an influence on whether you go back to work than your ideals.

RoccocoFlourishes · 07/08/2008 17:45

findtheriver. True. I would need to earn 2,000 NET to pay the childcare in order to return to work. I don't want to operate at a loss, or work myself to the bone like an old donkey. It's not an anti-feminist statement on my part. It's just mathematics.

motherinferior · 07/08/2008 17:45

Nope, not me. I was absolutely terrified of the prospect of not working. My mother was a SAHM and frankly it was not the right choice for her. Or us.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Acinonyx · 07/08/2008 17:45

Random examples.

The only SAHMs in my social circle are all highly educated and married to breadwinners with the capacity to support everyone. Seems to be a mc luxury around here.

I know quite a few mums who had to work whether the job was skilled or not because the joint income was lower or dp ran off or dp had no income.

For me - finishing my PhD and the thought of not getting the chance to use it does depress me. It's not just a hobby - it IS a bloody long time to spend on something and then just just jack it all in.

findtheriver · 07/08/2008 17:45

Why does anyone read the Daily Mail? You have to ask yourself that quesion. TBH anyone who reads that shite is probably a lost cause.

RoccocoFlourishes · 07/08/2008 17:46

very true MadamePlatypus, and I think in real life, and not in internet forums and in crappy newspapers, women DO support their friends' decisions.

meemar · 07/08/2008 17:47

agree with Twiglett. I understand the logic in highly educated women not giving up their careers. It's the slightly sneering tone that 'merely' looking after children isn't enough for educated women.

That, and being a SAHM is "looking after some man's kids"

Quattrocento · 07/08/2008 17:47

Why would I want to stay at home? It's not my ideal, in fact it's something I don't even begin to understand. Unless it's been forced upon a parent by economic circumstance.

Although (she adds hastily) anyone who does want to stay at home, even if they haven't been forced into it by personal circumstances, is perfectly entitled to do so and it's not my place to have any opinions ...

motherinferior · 07/08/2008 17:47

I would, incidentally, like to point out again that it is quite possible to be a feminist and a journalist. I can think of several MNers who fit that bill. Including moi.

TheCrackFox · 07/08/2008 17:47

WE could all unite and buy or read the Daily Mail. It hates women but sells itself as a paper for women.

TheCrackFox · 07/08/2008 17:48

Sorry - meant to say NOT buy DM.

RoccocoFlourishes · 07/08/2008 17:48

I read it online findtheriver, and even that is upsetting. Their deliberate policy to upset and undermine women, to turn us on eachother like tinker dog fighting, throwing a fleshy bone into the ring and then running. They are disgraceful.

Thisismynewname · 07/08/2008 17:49

"looking after some man's kids" is meant in the abstract. As in, when I was at school/Universtiy/early days of career single and childless I didn't aspire to be at home looking after some man's kids.

Ok?

Quattrocento · 07/08/2008 17:49

But why do you bother reading that stuff? The DM is just going to raise your blood pressure ...

noonki · 07/08/2008 17:50

princesspeahead - I'm too intellegent to want to work full time and miss out on the very few years I get to spend with my kids

I am intellegent enough to look forward to my deathbed to know I sure as hell won't be looking back thinking - god I wish I worked more!

RoccocoFlourishes · 07/08/2008 17:51

You're right The Crack fox, can we get some sort of petition going to get them to stop peddling misogeny?? I'm a sahm but I'm also sick of reading about women who gave up high powered jobs at 38 and went to live in the country and had twins, phew, and NOW, only now, are they happy! And all just in time! phew, phew, phew!

PrincessPeaHead · 07/08/2008 17:52

but not intelligent enough to spell intelligent

only kidding only kidding, couldn't resist!

noonki · 07/08/2008 17:53

no just dyslexic

Tortington · 07/08/2008 17:55

findtheriver (FTR) i have no doubt that you can lent the weave and grow herbs and have a career- am not saying its not possible, but as has been said again just below, the aspiration - the title of this thread asks about - seams to be that of the MC's who can afford it as a luxury. its almost a trophy, with the trophyhouse and trophy car - theres a trophy perfect mum who weaves a lentil or two is MC apiration world

cthea · 07/08/2008 17:56

"I think the spacing of your children can have more of an influence on whether you go back to work than your ideals." Hear, hear. This and your existing financial situation. Have the provider DH lose his job and many a SAHM-by-choice will step in and go to work. Ideal for me is WOH. And hoewevr much I loved all the jobs I ever did, the ideal is always to work that little bit less than I do.

Tortington · 07/08/2008 17:56

i hate that picking on spelling rather than the point - its a bug of mine - carry on!

Quattrocento · 07/08/2008 17:57

I don't believe it is a widely held educated middleclass aspiration for mums to stay at home. Nope. Don't believe it.

tiredemma · 07/08/2008 17:57

Its not something that I 'aspire' to be.

I found being at home incredibly boring.

findtheriver · 07/08/2008 18:03

noonki - I hope on my deathbed I look back and feel happy that DH and I enjoyed having lovely kids AND interesting work lives of our own!
If you are in the kind of job where you're just marking time and finding it dull then yeah, I can see it wouldnt be something you'd look back on with fondness.
I certainly hope my daughters and son aspire to getting a good education so that they have the option of more interesting and fulfilling careers.

noonki · 07/08/2008 18:06

oh I have had and will continue to have an interesting career,

but for the few short years off my children's early years I would love to be able to spend all of my time with them and then go back to my career

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Swipe left for the next trending thread