DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

Parents who give their children a good hard slap are abusers. I'd rather be a do-gooder than someone who hits children.

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't give another adult a good hard slap without it being classed as assault.

It's not really about income and available cash. No child should think they can always get what they want and be rude to the giver if they don't get it .... its the same whether they are rich or poor.

I think people on here sometimes forget what it feels like to be a kid. I remember being a similar age and being so convinced I was getting a dog for my birthday. Even though I had been told multiple times I was not. I convinced myself everything my mum did was a hint. I had fully imagined how they were going to pull off the surprise and I had practised my best surprised face. I told everyone in school.

I remember so clearly opening my birthday card from them and it having a dog on the front and thinking This is it!!!!! and then I opened all my presents. No dog. That’s okay it’ll probably be waiting in the car to bring me to school. No dog. That’s okay they’re probably going to pick me up from school with the dog. No dog. That’s okay it’ll probably be waiting for me at home. No dog. That’s okay I bet they’re going to give me it just before bed. No dog.

an almighty strop ensued at bedtime. I haven’t experienced that level of disappointment before. I wasn’t disappointed at my parents (they had bought me lots of lovely things), but I didn’t understand that I had made high expectations for myself in my head. Kids are feeling big feelings for the first time. I’m sure he’s a lovely boy.

Brilliant post. Absolutely right.

So no one who was clipped round the ear or slapped on the arse ever committed a crime?

But yes slapping this 10 year old is absolutely the right thing to do....kudos for not jumping off at the deep end.

For my son's 10th birthday I bought him a brand new bike from a catalogue. He was very happy with it until he rode it to school where presumably the other boys told him it was rubbish. It was definitely not rubbish but also not the "latest" model. He never rode it again not even outside school. I should have sold it.

I think peer pressure is likely why your son is disappointed even though he knows realistically he was never going to get a £400-500 birthday present.

I would have a chat with him saying
"I know you were disappointed and that's okay, but it really hurt my feelings and I think you should say sorry."

If I could return any of the gifts I'd do that and let him save the money or spend it on something else.

If they can't be returned I'd suggest selling them or he makes the most of them.

Why switch two? Has he a switch one? If so he can sell the switch one save up till Christmas etc and sell old toys to buy it. Nothing like eBay for selling old stuff. Mine sold all their old games to buy a ps3!

He’s being a totally ungrateful brat and a Switch 2 would now be off the table for a very, very long time.

It was a lot to spend and very thoughtful OP, don’t doubt yourself, it’s his attitude that absolutely stinks.

Sometimes I’ve had very little to give and circumstances have been dire but the smallest things have always been very much appreciated.

It should be against the law. The same way assaulting an adult is.

Hey, you sound like you did your absolute best to give him a birthday he would enjoy and I think your presents were great and thoughtful. I think he needs reminding that

1. He's lucky to have a mum who cares
2. He's lucky to be healthy

There are an awful lot of people in this world who would give anything to be in his position. You could remind him of how long you worked and what you did without to be able to afford those gifts and exactly how hurtful he's being. I'd be sorely tempted to collect the gifts back and to give them to another child who would appreciate them.

Honestly tell him that his birthday is going to be better than Christmas because you won’t bother for those who are ungrateful.

seriously kids truly don’t understand the value of money… so it’s time for the talk and be reasonably honest. Can you start pocket money for jobs so he can start to get the meaning and start saving?

Initially I thought how ungrateful but he’s trying to communicate with you in a clumsy 10 year old child way. Set a budget and let him choose. It could be he’d rather have one gift, that is what he wants and within budget, rather than several almost right gifts. I only ever got one birthday present from my parents and that was normal as a child in the 80’s. If he chooses headphones, then that is all he gets.

I think there are two seperate issues here.

The rudeness and ungratefulness should absolutely not be tolerated. Is it possible to return any of the presents if he genuinely doesnt want them. He really does need to be taught that even mums have feelings and the same way if your friend gave you a colouring book as a gift at a party you say thank you because its the fact that someone was thoughtful enough to buy you a gift. Its poor that he has behaved like that most children learn this by 5 or 6. Was he being rude or was he being too honest? Emotions are hard to navigate at 10 but it does need to be addressed.

The present situation is tricky. You mention getting him 'almost' What he wanted but not the right season shirt or not the brand of headphones. These things are really important at that age. My DD just turned 11 and we had a chat about expectations V reality. I gave her the budget that I had and she decided what she wanted within that budget. This year she wanter an expensive experience so I explained that would be all of the budget for a gift and a party, we stuck to this. She got a bit of money from my mum which I took her on a trip into town to spend but other than a small gift from my aunt she didnt get anything on her birthday. She had a quiet birthday but having done the experience she wanted to if you ask her she'd say she made the right choice.

In your situation I would have perhaps sat down with him and said my budget is £110. These are the options within our budget, for example if you want this seasons football shirt its £70 which only leaves £40 so I cant afford this brand of headphones but I could get these ones instead.

My parents had a habit of asking the kids what they wanted and then buying the most budget version normally from B&M they could find plus lots of extras they hadn't asked for, when actually the kids would have preferred just the one gift they asked for. They even got a cheap B&M version of hungry hippos one year which broke after the second use along with lots of other cheap toys rather that just getting hungry hippos!

Wow, I can understand why you are hurt by this its tough being a parent at times , but time to sit down and start to correct his attitude towards gifts and his birthday celebration when you have done your best, of course if he wanted a switch 2 he could have suggested a present free birthday and see what xmas might bring if he is able to be that rude I suggest he is old enough to come up with such suggestions , Children are not silly he will no doubt be aware his father could do better, I might engage all those that might buy him a presie for xmas to consider money towards a switch 2 and ask if he wants that to occur that way he will start to appreciate the cost and maybe a little gilt at his tantrum , the terrible 2's I was once told continue until 18yrs .....

Tell him no more presents. Wrap him an orange for Christmas. What is it with these kids. They need to realise the value of money at 10. You did nothing wrong!!

It also used to be acceptable for men to beat their wives. Shall we bring that back too?

@Whisperwaves @FlyingCatGirl i have no idea what the answer is, the problem is every town has it’s fair share of feral wannabe gangster kids, usually they have shit parents which is half of the problem as they’d rather they where out causing trouble than at home giving them shit.

Whilst ever the police have no powers, the parents don’t care and social media exists to add fuel to the fire things will only get worse, you think it’s bad now, in a few years you’ll be scared to leave your house. I vote send them to fight in the army if you think you’re hard.

Goodness, you sound like my grandfather, he always used to go on about only getting an orange for Christmas and counting himself lucky. He was one of 9 children and would be 115 years old were he still alive today 😆

Sounds like you did your best within your budget to make his birthday as special as possible and listened to all of the things he would like to have. Obviously the “one present “ was well above your budget anyway so you did your best to provide a good selection of other things that he also wanted.
Life isn’t fair. I remember being disappointed with the fact that my single parent mom was unable to get me the things that some of my friends had but I hope I didn’t complain about it too much! 😬 I still complain to myself now about how many hours I work and how little I have in savings compared with other people so…
on the other hand, I am sure that you don’t want to follow the advice of those who are saying that you should give away the presents you were able to afford because really how does that help in this situation? Try not to let it get to you as I am sure your son will understand as he grows older that you always tried the best you could for him

I think you really need a proper talk about budgets with him.

Eg. "I have £100 to spend. I cant afford a switch 2. The things on your list would be £150. You can either have:

• the £100 to save for a switch 2.
• the new football shirt OR the branded headphones
• an old season shirt & cheaper headphones.

Which would you prefer?"

Is it possible he thinks the shirt/ball/headphones cost as much as a switch on its own?

I sympathise with you i can imagine it’s really hard to be told your efforts aren’t enough. Try not to take it to heart

Does it need to be a switch 2 or will an original switch do the job? You can get them in CEX for £110 if you had the budget for Christmas

I think listen to his disappointment at your gifts and birthday treats and then express yours at his unkind rude and miserable behaviour.

if his response is anything but regret and sadness, suggest just not bothering with birthdays or Christmas from now on.

Haha it was tongue in cheek, yes old people always said this. I am serious about what kids value nowadays. My husband and I earn plenty, I just can’t stand getting our kids whatever they want. Sorry that’s just me.

He apologizes or Christmas is canceled.