DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

a couple years ago I got DS some Lego he had asked for at Christmas and he had a strop about it being a rubbish present so I sent it straight back. Yay Amazon! Lesson learned.

your DS was rude.

however if there are things he really wants and money is tight, he might next time prefer to receive whatever you can afford as cash, so he can prioritize his choices.

Tell him to ask his day why he didn't get him a switch

Can you return the shirt and anything else he hasn't taken the tags off?

Have him save the money and put it towards something he wants in future. He can ask for contributions for Christmas as well, if that's what he prefers, while he saves for his own gaming toy. And he may yet decide it's not worth it ... might not ... but at least it will be his decision.

He is disappointed about the Switch presumably. He probably can't help being disappointed because his friend was given one and probably says its fun etc. However you cant afford that so I would just try to sympathise with his disappointment, may be reference any disappointments you have had in not being able to afford things you would like. Its a good time to have a conversation about money and set him up a savings account.

I see you tried your best and I do feel for you I get I am a little luckier that I earn well and can sort things. But the headphones not being the ones he asked for, the football top not being what he asked for. So then comes the comments from his friends.

My mother used to also do this get the cheaper option. I know why you done it, but as a kid it cuts deep ! I don’t think he’s a bad kid, i think he’s felt sad and it’s not came out very nice.

im shocked at how many people think how dare he be disappointed. Not every child copes with being a little poorer and especially in such a commercialised world.

i hope you sort things out and I hope his father steps up for Christmas

This.
Just out of interest I just looked up the price of the Sylvanian mansion I had wanted and in today's money it would've cost my parents the equivalent of £130. My mum did admit to me years later that she had scoured newspaper ads and jumble sales for months with no joy (sadly no Vinted back then) but the bottom line was there was no way that they could've afforded it and that was it.

I was probably around the OPs DS age when my mum would take me shopping to choose my own birthday present. I knew the budget and could pick whatever I wanted in that range. Then it would be put away until the day (which did nothing to lessen the longing and anticipation) and I'd have a small cheaper present on the day to unwrap as a surprise. It meant I always got something I actually wanted and mum wasn't wasting money.

We had a similar situation with my son’s 13th birthday. I don’t think your son is entitled at all. All normal behaviour for a young person.
Looking back, I was trying to give as many gifts as possible by getting ‘value’ but they just want the specific thing their friends have.

Maybe your son’s been waiting since Xmas 2025 for some items.
I find that my own birthdays feel quite high stakes (wanting things to be different etc) so I relate.

I would sit down and help him understand your intentions for his birthday. And work out a plan together for how he can start earning and saving towards what he really wants for Xmas and beyond

of course he’d like one for Christmas. He’d like one for it being a Wednesday. OP has said she can’t afford one, there’s no need to negotiate him getting his way just because he’s been rude.

When I was about 12 or 13, I received not one gift for my birthday off my parents. I was terrified of saying anything to them because I thought I'd done something terrible and mentioning it would bring punishment on me. I remember one particular girl at school kept pestering to know what I'd got for my birthday. She wouldn't let it drop an eventually I lied and said I got a book.

People like you always have to jump in and go off the deep end! What has the do gooder mentality achieved in this country? We've never had such an issue with feral kids! Kids don't give a shit anymore because there's no consequences! Nobody has said they should be beaten black and blue but a clip around the ear hole or a smacked arse brought people up properly! The tempers on youth and adolescents is a joke now because it's never been disciplined out of them! Parents daren't do anything because people like you sit there waiting to bully and accuse people! The non discipline approach hasn't worked has it! I don't have kids but I'm sick of the gangs of marauding unruly kids causing issues all over the town I live in! Parents cannot keep sitting back and doing nothing!

thank goodness we don’t abuse our children anymore.

I too really feel for both of you. You clearly chose lovely and thoughful presents for him and I imagine you felt hurt this morning.

What stands out to me is was there a lack of communication and expectation between the two of you in the run up? You say he knew he wanted a switch, but did he know that he wasn't getting one?

I regularly as a child (and adult, but it stings less now 😂) got presents that I didn't want, or lots of little things that once added up were a lot of money, but that felt like no-one cared to understand or cared about my interests.

At 10 he is old enough for a conversation to say that Switches are very expensive, what would you prefer, to not get one, or to get a second hand one (used switch lites are about £95 here or the switch is about £140), or a more expensive used one with games at xmas as a joint xmas & bday present, or even a new one at xmas. That would give him agency understanding about finances, while still celebrating his interests.

Personally I think a present that big should be saved for Xmas or how else do u make Xmas special but everyone's different

His response was rude and you’re right to have a word with him about that.
i remember when i was a similar age and i had to open a PRINTER for my birthday! It was so disappointing but I would never have spoken to my parents about how rubbish the gift was. Kids nowadays!

So for the people "shocked" at how many of us find his response to be disappointing: it's going to be all in his delivery, and none of us know how this was said. Was he stropping about it? Then yeah I'm in that camp.

I agree it's better to go "all in" on one nicer thing that he really wants (brand, whatever) than to buy a bunch of random cheaper things. Even if his friends don't see the headphones, if he asked for a brand, he will want that brand. It comes with the age group really.

However: I'd be sitting him down for a clear conversation about expectations and finances. Can we afford £500 on a game system plus accessories? No, so as much as you want to dream about it, it isn't happening, so what is your new dream item, keeping that in mind.

Etc. and please no one tell me I don't understand 10 yr olds, because I've spent the last several years working with them for my sins. He is capable of understanding, whether or not he chooses to is another matter.

I don't think Op has budget for it at any time of year.
Hes obviously got a console of some description or he wouldn't need gaming headphones.

My DGDs each opened up a bank account so that they could save for big articles they wanted over birthdays and Christmases. Suggest he does the same, with you holding the account, and he asks all to put money into it as he, if he wants it bad enough, is saving for a switch 2.

Give him a small amount of pocket money weekly for chores and he can save for it. Then he will learn value of money and how long it takes to pay for things. I do this with my sons.

I received an old fashioned typewriter for my tenth birthday. I was so happy! How times have changed!

Yeah, mine was pretty handy with the old physical violence too. So glad he got his dues and is incarcerated.

I got love for you,
If you were born in the '80s 🎶🎙

What an ungrateful, rude child.

I can understand his disappointment regarding the football shirt - perhaps a bit of research next time OP - but at ten he should realise that your budget isn't limitless. Maybe start to involve him with the family finances so he can start to appreciate where the money goes and just how expensive literally everything is.

Some ridiculous OTT replies, especially when lots of adult posters on here are frequently sided with when their DP doesn't give them roses at 0001 on their birthday.

He's not selfish and nothing needs bagging up and giving to charity and he certainly doesn't need slapping.

Sadly, kids don't know the value of money. He probably thinks if you'd sacrificed the other stuff he'd have got the Switch and frustratingly I don't think there's anything you can do other than rinse and repeat your message about not being able to afford it.

By that age my parents told me their budget, and if I cost more I had to save up for it myself.

I was quite specific about what I wanted (usually specific books in a series, and Lego sets), so they asked me to make a wishlist - it worked well.