DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

We aren't talking about someone who couldn't afford the gifts though , not including the switch.

She had £110, that could have bought the current season football shirt. I don't know what brand the headphones were, but i am assuming there were withing the budget too. Not everyone has been mean about it or called her names ( or the child names). To some people brands do matter, especially this pre teen/teen age. Some people would rather have a good quality gift over lots of cheaper ones, it doesn't automatically make him " a brat"

I think he probably was hurtful and rude. But at the same time he's probably been wound up like a spring all excited for his birthday 🎂 and then been majorly disappointed, as things just missed the mark.

I absolutely feel for them both and no second parent to bounce of off.

Big 🫂 for them both.

Hes 10, he cant earn for years.
Waiting 5-6 years for something that's a few hundreds pounds isn't normal.

So?
An asda bag may be better quality then a mulberry bag but I still want the mulberry bag over a supermarket one!

Exactly - doesnt make him a brat , doesn’t make the OP a bad mum. She’s clearly a lovely mum trying her best.

this is just one of those parenting moments when the dial shifts suddenly and you get caught off guard.

the best thing for the OP is to sit him down and explain that he hurt her with how he reacted and he could have been more tactful. She does however acknowledge she could have done things differently and how would he like to handle presents in the future.

@Dizevan I hope you are both ok. There's lots of good advice if you can ignore the idiots.

Learning identity, fitting in, how status is perceived and self esteem. Bloody hell, really.

I feel your pain but at the same time you can turn it into a learning experience for him. Try to find a shoe box or present tree scheme in the run up to Christmas and give him a budget to shop for it. Then give him a budget for what you will buy him for Christmas (take the stocking element out of it). Then buy exactly what he has asked for up to the budget and no more.

I would also sit down with him and have a conversation about how he was disappointed with his presents and in turn you were hurt and disappointed by his comments.

I'd be returning all of it. If it can't be returned I'd donate it. His entitled attitude needs a wake up call.

Sorry but Op doesn't sound like she has the spare cash to be filling a shoebox or gifting random kids of a tree.

Learning experience on how to deal with disappointment how to speak to people nicely.
Not spending money she doesn't have on random kids

A shoebox is c £15 - and she can deduct that from her DS's christmas budget...... Assuming that is in line with his birthday budget its a little over a 10% reduction.

I'm very cynical on these trees etc in the first place, having heard of entire classes being put on them and an entire playgroup with no real effort to target the poorest kids.

I actually think your taking the piss with that suggestion.
Shes hardly exactly rolling in money to randomly be giving it away.

Well you're entitled to your own opinion........

Everyone wants to fit in naturally, its unfortunate the way to fit in is through expensive brands.

What percentage of your Christmas savings are you giving away?

I would tell your son that as he isn't happy with your gift giving, you have delegated the responsibility to his father, so all present requests should go to him in future.

@scalt
Well if his family's situation improved financially the wait may not be that long and it may be a switch today, but something else tomorrow.
You obviously feel so keenly for his predicament and berate an honestly given realistic opinion so perhaps you yourself could contribute towards his saving for one.
That'd be nice.

Yep, weaponising the fact his father has let him down is sure to be a way to help his self esteem and build a loving open relationship with her son as he heads to his teen years.

@Savah I accidentally put @scalt instead of you for the above message!
Genuine mistake.

Or she can teach him that he can treat women without any respect and they'll keep coming back for more? He knows his mother loves him. Her effort has already shown that. He will find out his dad is useless soon enough or maybe his father will rise to the occasion if he hasn't got anyone to cover for his failings. Being a doormat just gets you resented and looked down upon.

A Switch is “a few hundred pounds”? Clearly that’s chicken feed for you, but I think most parents don’t have £400 + games etc etc to drop on a birthday present. What if OP had two or three dcs?

Lesson learned for OP that her ds now wants to choose his own presents, but a lesson needs to be also learned by the young man about how much his dm can afford.

About 40% plus the annual charitable donations we make each year. You?

I most definitely would be having a hard word with him about his expectations. I know he's only 10 but he needs to realise a little bit about how life is for you, and why he won't always get ehat he wants

You need to explain to him how ungrateful he is and the price of a new Switch. Ask him how many hours he would need to work to get one. Explain the cost of food in your house. Explain your husband contributed nothing to the presents he was given by you. You need to do this before he starts on you over his Christmas presents......

@Dizevan how are things today?

I still can't believe how horrible people have been on your thread.