DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

He's 10, not 35.
There a lot you need to learn about children. He hardly treated his mum as a whipping boy.
Good grief. 🙄

Age 10 through 14, roughly, is when children shift away from parental approval and develop an intense need for fitting in with their peer group, so brands matter, things matter, to be accepted and not ostracised socially.

OP also ignored her son, she didn't listen to exactly what he wanted and got him things that are out of date and what he didn't want. Peer pressure is rife, especially at that age. Need some compassion and understanding to explain to him.

I'm not saying, get him the switch 2. Just get him one thing from his list, then with money left over that can be used towards saving for it. He learns 1) can't get everything he wants and 2) importance of learning how to save money.

As he's ungrateful and obviously has clear ideas on what he wants, you should stop buying him gifts altogether and allocate him money towards a gift instead. He can then choose to buy something with the money or save it and wait. Spare yourself the angst of trying to please him, and might give him an idea of money and what it means in the real world.

Fair enough but life is full of disappointments I recall wishing I'd get X for Christmas it didn't always happen but no way would I have kicked off at mum and dad.

Actually I started buying the clothes I wanted at 15 part time job and the right labels were part of belonging back then it was
Fred Perry's
Levi sta prest
Dessert boots
Harrington's etc
So yes you're right getting it right was king..only difference then it happened later and not at ten.

Haha, no. And strangely I've yet to find one of those on Vinted yet!
What I reallllly wanted was one of these babies. I was lucky enough to have a house and some other SF pieces but my Sylvanians had high aspirations

“He's just not very nice, I'm afraid.”, who’s responsibility is this to teach? Who’s the role model? He’s a 10 year old boy, good grief.

Was OP really nice when she ignored his wishes?

I don’t understand why children need so many gifts. Just get them one thing off their list, be done with it. If it’s too expensive, teach them to learn how to save and wait until you can afford it.

Don’t blame him being a boy, I’ve seen countless women do hauls on TikTok with their expensive gadgets.

Okay, let’s write off the boy at 10 years old. What’s the point, eh? I’m not a nice person either, fantastic.

I got it! I was SO happy that year!

I was being sarcastic.

His mother is to blame because she didn’t listen to him and parent.

So was I.

As she is literally his parent, parenting him, she does, in fact, parent.

"Look what you made me do you bitch" and blaming women for absolutely everything boys and men say and do is encouraged in the early years in your house I see.

You don’t understand peer pressure, that’s the main problem.

He needs to learn the value of money, by learning how to save for expensive gifts. He cannot demand them. But, equally OP needs to understand the value of brands and if he asked for a certain brand headphones - buy that and respect his wishes. It’s like I said, asking for Nike trainers but being given Sketchers.

I’ve reported your posts to MN admins, you’re attacking viciously on a 10 year old boy and calling him names which is very uncalled for. You have no respect. It’s 2am in the morning. Calling him a “little shit”. Disgusting and repulsive behaviour.

Oh Op I actually feel for you both. You've tried hard but missed the mark.
He's feeling disappointed.

I'd give the wee guy a cuddle and see how you can make things better.

If he really doesn't want the shirt suggest you return it and anything else he didn't want.

He's just turned 10, do you think he still believes in Santa?
My oldest knew by that age, my youngest a little younger than you boy I can't decide if he believes or if hes playing along.

You need him to sort a Christmas wish list thats realistic, is it possibe for Grandparents etc to chip in on a Switch2 and for the £42 from the shirt to go towards it?

I'm sorry OP. You are trying for your son. I think he just doesn't realise that financially it might not be possible at this point to 'keep up' with his peers.

I had a mum who got me awful gifts for my birthday (think hairbrush and pen) and even now, despite her inheriting multiple properties, slips us a tenner on our birthdays. We never said a word though (I'm venting here instead!). Your gifts were things your son actually requested though and sound decent, so I do think a conversation is needed here.

I would tell him how much you intend to spend on him at Christmas and either give him the money to save for something bigger, or ask him to choose something to that value. He is not too young to understand budgeting for items of value if you explain this carefully to him.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.
How did this conversation play out, and what was his attitude like during it? It’s not clear if he had a bad attitude and was rude and disrespectful, or if he was expressing disappointment and telling you want he’d prefer for future gift giving. There will be some people who think that regardless he should have only expressed gratitude for the gifts to you even if privately disappointed, but I disagree. There’s a difference between saying “thank you, I love it” to Great Aunt Maud who you only see once a year anyway, and to your Mum and I think it’s ok for him to have a view on how he’d like his present budget to be spent and to communicate that. I assume the OP also wants the budget to be spent in a way that makes her son happiest and so having that open communication helps everyone. I’m naturally blunt though, and from a blunt family and reading this thread that’s doesn’t seem to be reflective of most people. But just saying a bland thank you to someone as close to you as your mum and just accepting years of gifts which miss the mark, when there’s another method of gift giving that would suit you better makes no sense to me. I wonder if as well as his reaction being partly about wishing he had the Switch and being disappointed it’s off the table, your reaction is also about you wish you could give him the Switch too.

He may not have phrased it well, and the OP can help with how he should have had that conversation with more tact. The OP can also explain that she was upset by his response. I’m also wondering if the son does any gift giving of his own. As a single parent there might not have been anyone to take him shopping for his Mum, but at ten he’s old enough to go around a shop on his own and choose a present out there for the OP. My parents always bought on behalf of us until embarrassingly late, and so gifts were just something that happened to me rather than something I gave as well, and I think there’s huge value in introducing him to being a gift giver as well as a recipient if he isn’t already.

It might also be a bit of a storm inside a teacup, where a small comment from a friend might have blown up in head. A PP said this may well be a least said, soonest mended situation and I agree. I’d chat to him about how the conversation made you feel, and how he could have handled it better and then move on. Then in November, ask him how he’d like you to handle Christmas presents for him. Would he prefer money, lots of smaller gifts or one bigger gift?

I don’t think he’s an ungrateful brat, and I don’t think you’re a terrible gift giver. You clearly love your son and want to make his birthday happy with the budget you have. He didn’t handle expressing his disappointment well, but he’s only ten and you can help him with that.

I return to find this thread has taken quite a turn.

I’ve also reported those posts, and the ones which personally attacked you. Some of the nastiest, iciest vitriol I’ve seen on MN. I almost feel sorry for them.

I reported the posts calling the child a turd, a toad and a shit. They are still there.