DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

MANNERS at 10 years old is not too much to ask at all. The number of parents on this thread making excuses for this rude and bratty behaviour is incredibly depressing and says so much about how society is in the mess it’s in 😢

Then she can buy second hand. Better a brand he wants off Vinted or ebay than loads of new stuff that's not quite right.

100% agree with @Octavia64 on importance of exact brands and not buying something that "does the same job" but is not the same.

cash converters have them from £219, way cheaper than Music Magpie. Cash converters will also take an offer on goods - better they sell them than they sit on the shelf. I've made offers on several things over the years and they've always accepted a decent offer.

How horribly bratty. He is lucky he has a mother who cars for him enough to celebrate his birthday, thousands of kids don't.

CEX and MM are expensive, cash converters are generally cheaper and they accept offers. You can get them from £219 in CC which is way cheaper than £360 on CEX or MM.

I’m sorry, they don’t. Please see my post to @TwinklyRoseTurtle at 17.07 for the explanation.

Couldn't he have had a second hand one for joint Xmas/Birthday present?

What a sulky brat! Time for him to learn the value of money.
No pocket money at all without a list of chores completed with good demeanour.

There’d be swift repercussions for sure from such behaviour.

But the Switch 2 he'd set his heart on is not yet affordable on the second hand market.

If OP has a budget of around £100 for gifts, the only way he could get a Switch 2 at the moment would be if he'd agreed to forfeit any other gifts for his birthday and Christmas, forgo pocket money and anything else not essential the OP buys for him regularly and/or if other relatives were prepared to contribute, because at the moment OP would need at least £300 spare to buy a Switch 2 even secondhand, which she simply does not have.

Or, he waits until the price comes down which it inevitably will, but by then he might no longer want one.

Or, he makes do with an older Switch model or another type of console.

There are some things in life you just can't afford, no matter how much you might want them, which is a lesson we all have to learn sooner or later.

He was telling you how he felt. Not unreasonable for you to do the same, while heing more tactful than a 10 year old boy.
You might be grateful thar he tells you about his feelings in a few years time. He does need to work on tact etc, but communication is good.

@AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta What was it? An Alpaca?

And it is truly shocking at the number of people on here making excuses for
poor behaviour.

it’s not about making excuses - it’s about recognising what’s going on and parenting in a way that deals with the rudeness but also teaches him about money etc

it’s not one or the other

anyone he will have been home for hours now so I hope OP managed to sort it satisfactorily

No wonder we have feral youth and teens.
Respect and manners aren’t enforced.

We are raising entitled brats in this country by lax parenting.

I’m genuinely shocked by the number of posters queuing up to call this 10 yo some very unpleasant names. He is a child who has behaved poorly and who needs parenting to correct his behaviour.

I think they are lovely gifts! Perhaps talk to him about future gifts and explain his budget is x. Does he want cash to save up for big things or carry on as normal? I went through similar with my kids when they became teenagers. They expected better presents but weren’t aware of the budget and how much things cost! We had a discussion and cash with fluffy socks and chocolates are now gifted!

That’s what the older generation said about my generation and the children being brought up now will say the same about their grandchildren.

I hope you by now OP have had the conversation with your DS.

I hope this spoilt brat behaviour from him is not repeated. Perhaps make him aware how many children in this country are in families that struggle to afford food and heating this winter and other ones.

God, what a miserable perspective.

Some people are shockingly horrible here and don't seem to understand children.

Do you give your dcs whatever they ask for?

I was talking about the headphones that the OP bought, which were not the brand he asked for. The football shirt that was not the current shirt etc.

She also should ask him if he wants money for his birthday (always the best gift in my experience) and save up together with Christmas money for a switch.

Does he understand the maths?

I had to check as I wondered whether £110 plus birthday money from other would have been enough for the console.

It’s not, but he might have thought so. He might also be aware you’re saying you can’t afford things and have now spent a lot of money on things that aren’t exactly what he wants.

DH was not a spoiled child at all, but his overriding memory of gifts was when he really wanted a guitar and got a keyboard. They probably cost similar and he was so frustrated his parents had wasted money on getting totally the wrong thing. There might be a bit of that at play here - logic doesn’t come into wants, those headphones and the newest shirt might have missed the mark and now you’ve wasted money that could have gone to better use. It’s okay for him to feel frustrated by that, but he should be grateful for the things he likes.

I agree with this and I feel quite sorry for him. He’s not being intentionally ungrateful, sounds like he’s have been grateful with one exact thing, instead of lots of filler items that miss the mark.

£110 isn't exactly loose change for his birthday
Some previous posters a switch 2 is only £219 from X site..only.
By the sounds of this kid a joint birthday Xmas wouldn't work out.