How often do parents have nights away from young children?

[Moocrewmummy]

How often do you leave your children for nights away/functions/nights away?
I’ve recently posted a thread of AIBU & whilst the poll fairly even, I’ve been torn apart for various reasons so please only respectful comments as I’ve had a fair few hurtful comments. I went on for genuine advice and left feeling shamed. A lot of things were just assumed, took out of context and twisted. I had a lot of comments saying that having left my children on 4 occasion over night is “a lot” to have left my children. My eldest is 4 & youngest is 2. Is this as bad as people seem to think? Am I a bad parent for having 4 nights away in 4 years?

No

Doesn’t sound excessive OP.

We were very lucky to have hands on in laws nearby so me and DH used to go away a couple of times a year together. Also nights out.

Together? Never, we simply don't have anyone we can leave them with. Separately DH is away with work a lot, maybe one or two nights a week, and I've been away for spa weekends, catch ups with friends etc maybe 2/3 times a year.

I don't think anyone was saying you leave your kids too much, the vote was split on whether you should leave them with the grandparents given the church issue.

Well we left DD at 7 months old for 5 nights for our honeymoon, then when DD was 2.5 and DS was 7months old, we went away for 5 nights for our anniversary. Both times they stayed with loving familiar grandparents.

Then over the years we left them for weddings or just a couple of nights away together as a couple.

Then as teens we've had the odd week away where grandparents stay in our house and look after them.

As pp said, my relationship with DH is important to me.

I've never understood wanting to be with them every second of every day.

DD is at uni now and not only do I not have life 360, I don't have find my phone on her. Never have. Some of the parents still watch where they are, it's bonkers.

I do think in general that when someone is generous enough to offer you that sort of childcare it's better to give them the freedom to plan their days. I wouldn't consider it unreasonable for the looked after kids to go to church or go on errands so long as these were safe places. There's only so much that you can insist on.

I never saw your other thread but I think you need to stop looking for approval or justification for your choices. We are all different. I never left mine overnight because I never had anyone to leave them with, things would have been very different if I had ready and able babysitters. You seem to be overly concerned about people’s opinions here, asking if you are a bad parent - do you genuinely think that, based on all of your years of being a parent think about how you treat your children, do you really think you are a bad parent for having them babysat? I think probably not. I see an issue with you being concerned about what other people think and that’s something you just need to get over. Nobody really cares how many times you went away, i might be slightly jealous if I’m honest, you are very lucky.

Mine are teens now but we had basically zero help. When they were 6,8 and 10 we got three nights away and that was it. Eldest is now 18 and myself and DH had a week away this summer.

I know if I have grandchildren I will 💯 help take care of them. I want my children to spend time with their partners and have quality time together. Not having any help really did affect our marriage over the years.

Assuming your children are left in the care of a fully competent and loving father then do not be torn!

8yo here. Never.

I wouldn't want to.

We were very lucky that both sets of grandparents were very involved when our children were young. They stayed overnight with grandparents quite frequently, probably every 4 weeks or so? The children loved going to their grandparents so it wasn't always for a reason, just because they wanted to and grandparents wanted to have them. They have grown up with a very close relationship with their grandparents which is lovely. My mum lives around the corner from me, is now in her 80s and my adult sons pop in to see her often for a cuppa.

@Freshrain
After 400+ comments on pp, I did read them all and there were numerous comments who had said that said 4 nights away was a lot in 4 years. Therefore I wanted to get different perspectives to which people have shared. I am very lucky that I have siblings, parents/il. I have been humbled to say the least.
I came on to ask a question about a situation. The irony is, I was getting called a dictator without having actually dictated anything. I wanted to know if I approached in a certain way was I being unreasonable, which effectively would have made me. I wasn’t trying to be ungrateful. I just wanted to gain constructive feedback which I have taken on board. The pulling of it wasn’t on my request and whilst I did report it as the tone had got too far intolerant of faiths not even mentioned in the op, it met guidelines and was to stay. I can’t say I’m not relieved as it was getting me down. I know that could be construed as me victimising myself to a degree but we are all human at the end of the day and have feelings and egos that can get hurt, rightly or wrongly.

It really does depend on who you are leaving your children with and if your children will get upset. You can’t expect other people to look after your children unless they want to.
We didn’t have any overnights away when our children were young. We look after our grandchildren regularly and they have beds here. Our children have a had a few nights away each year and now they are older our grandchildren stay in the school holidays. When 1 of my grandchildren was about 2, their parents went away for 2 nights, a short flight away. The grandchild was ill and the parents couldn’t get home early. After this, they decided they would not be flying away again until the children were much older.

I find the word babysitter used a little odd, in itself i have no issue with it but when grandparents or other relatives looked after them it was a mutual thing it wasn't used as a babysitting service

If my inlaws wanted to take them somewhere or my parents had something planned they went there so we went away or just stayed home

It wasn't transactional

1 night in 14 years

Interesting, as the deletion message says Withdrawn due to privacy concerns

The irony is, I was getting called a dictator without having actually dictated anything
No, people were saying "You can't dictate what they do on the day(s) they have the dc" and "You can't dictate if they go to Church or not" which is exactly what you were asking if YWBU to ask (tell?) them not to take your dc to Church.