How often do parents have nights away from young children?

[Moocrewmummy]

How often do you leave your children for nights away/functions/nights away?
I’ve recently posted a thread of AIBU & whilst the poll fairly even, I’ve been torn apart for various reasons so please only respectful comments as I’ve had a fair few hurtful comments. I went on for genuine advice and left feeling shamed. A lot of things were just assumed, took out of context and twisted. I had a lot of comments saying that having left my children on 4 occasion over night is “a lot” to have left my children. My eldest is 4 & youngest is 2. Is this as bad as people seem to think? Am I a bad parent for having 4 nights away in 4 years?

So we have had a night every other month since she was 2.5. it's really important for DH and I to ensure that we are rested and in a good place to ensure the house is a stable loving one... For us ensuring that we are solid helps with that ....

I think the how is more important than the frequency. Are they staying at home with the other parent for just one night or is it dropped off with a barely known relative for 2 weeks is obviously a bit different.

I've left my children over night with their other parent once in 11 years 🙃 if we had more support I'd love to do more but we don't.

Yours is the church thread?

I don’t think many people have torn you apart. Many people thought the same as me- they wouldn’t leave the kids with the in-laws because they agreed with you about the church service so they’d go away alone and husband would care for the kids. Others said they’d be happy for the kids to go to church.

Not sure where the tearing apart was.

To answer your question we don’t have childcare so have never been away together without the kids but go away individually a couple of times a year.

My eldest is 12 and youngest is 7. I can count on one hand the nights we’ve had away from them, and 2 of them were when I was birthing a sibling.
However that’s because we have no one to have them. If we did, it would be a lot more!

Lone parent. I've had six nights to myself in seventeen years. (Three of them were on work nights).
I am very tired and have never been well rested.

are you happy with that amount because ultimately that’s what matters. Did you feel forced to leave them? Do you wish you could have more time away? You’ll never be happy in parenting if you compare what other people do. I have strong opinions about how my kids should be parented but dgaf if other people do it different.
plus I’ve you’ve been upset by peoples comments please please don’t come on and ask for more. Mumsnet is ruthless, don’t get yourself upset over something so insignificant

Torn apart?!

We never had any nights away together when the kids were small, only ever away separately for the odd (rare) hen/stag night or friend weekend away. Once or twice each.

People’s circumstances vary so much. Some have 2 sets of grand parents desperate for a sleepover with all the grandkids every weekend, others decidedly don’t.

Some love to be martyrs.

we’ve not had much but would have had much more, given the opportunity, especially when they were young and so consuming.

We go away once a month overnight. My parents have the children. They love having rhem.

The only reason I haven't is because of not having childcare, not because I think it's inherently wrong. I know plenty of people that have left children of similar ages that often and more often.

I personally wouldn't have felt ok leaving a younger breastfed baby, partially because I think it's too much to expect a babysitter to settle one of those overnight. Other than that it's a personal decision but I've seen it work just fine for other people.

Never, we have no one to look after them. Eldest is 5, youngest is 2 this month. Eldest isn't my DHs biological so we had some child free nights before youngest was born but contact hasn't been constant and we haven't had a single moment without youngest ever, except my mum taking him for a walk in the pushchair.

We work hard to keep dating even if it means taking a baby to the cinema.

We have been doing 1 night a month with their grandparents who they love for about 6 years. Then the youngest was born and we’ve had a big break from it - only 2 nights away in last 2 years. Hoping to do a few nights away a year going forward (1-2 nights for our birthdays and then anniversary).

That said, we do date days very often. Several a month. It’s very very important for keeping it romantic with your spouse. I’d say people who aren’t spending time away from their children to date their partner are perhaps in denial that it is a healthy relationship. I try to listen to advice when it’s from someone who lives in a way that I do/aspire to live.

Once a year for a weekend on our anniversary.

Never away together, eldest is 11. We have 3 kdis so no one wants that overnight when it entails twins and a medically complex kid.

However, there's two of us so we get time away alone

It doesn’t matter what other people think. You do what is right for your family.

One week a year and some weekends and nights here and there.
Children minded in their own home by grandparents. We were spoiled really.

Mine would stay a night with grandparents once a month from 6 week old

I don’t think you’re a bad parent at all! It’s good amd healthy to have a break . I’m assuming you have family support. None of our family woukd babysit or help in any way so we couldnt go out , we just took turns and had date nights at home when our dcs were small. People who have family that support them are very very lucky.

We had no help and our families grandparents didn’t want to babysit and simply wouldn’t. When our children were very small we wouldnt haven’t left them with a stranger . Once older we got to know a neighbour who was a preschool teacher . She was amazing but expensive so it’s was a very expensive night out . I think you hugely underestimate the luck of having family willing to help .

We would take a day off work once kids were all in school and have dates then which was fantastic! We really appreciated it after years of zero help or support.

First night away was when DC were 9 and 12 but they're ND so we might have done it earlier if they'd not been.

Never been away from mine overnight. They are 7 & 8.

Had to go into hospital-asked to go home for my baby but they said I needed to stay as I was losing too much blood to be out of hospital. So three nights, now it's not up to me to tell people what to do, but I would advise parents as a result of that is that even if you hope to breastfeed and never intend to be away from your baby, emergencies happen, and it's good to think about leaving milk and about bottles/formula, as life happens, and if your baby has never done anything but bf, that's an extra stress. They couldn't let my baby stay before anyone says that.

They stopped coping with it after a couple of years so we don't do it any more.

Argh sorry yes you’re absolutely right. I meant people who can do it but don’t make the effort. Not being able to is a different story.

We do date days when kids are at school and book them as annual leave which really helps. The afterschool club can have them until 6 and we have lots of great hospitality within walking distance of us. That’s probably more realistic and worth doing even if rarely.