How often do parents have nights away from young children?

[Moocrewmummy]

How often do you leave your children for nights away/functions/nights away?
I’ve recently posted a thread of AIBU & whilst the poll fairly even, I’ve been torn apart for various reasons so please only respectful comments as I’ve had a fair few hurtful comments. I went on for genuine advice and left feeling shamed. A lot of things were just assumed, took out of context and twisted. I had a lot of comments saying that having left my children on 4 occasion over night is “a lot” to have left my children. My eldest is 4 & youngest is 2. Is this as bad as people seem to think? Am I a bad parent for having 4 nights away in 4 years?

I’m old now but when my daughter was a child my husband and I had an active social life. My mother in law was delighted to get the chance to look after her overnight. And so were my parents. My daughter was always perfectly happy about staying with them and had no ill effects having been looked after by her grandparents many times.

My eldest (now 12) with my first husband stayed at my exmil’s house every Thursday from being 6 months to 2.5 years when we moved over an hour and a half away. After that is was 1 weekend a month. Once my husband passed away 2 years ago contact dropped off and he goes every school holiday for a few days. I couldn’t breastfeed when he was a baby and he was well loved and cared for and it was wonderful to have time to ourselves as a couple.
in this marriage both of us are no contact with our families due to historical abuse so we have no childcare. We have no time for dates, we’ve spent no time outside of the house without our children in almost 3 years, it takes a toll. I have had evenings out sporadically and I’m due to go away for 2 nights in October for the first time and I’m really worried about how the children will cope to be honest

We had nights away when our children were babies/ toddlers. They are fully functioning adults with a close relationship with us !

Well, it depends why you’re away of course. I’m away a night or two a week with work and my DD is 3. Does that make me a bad parent? I’d be a worse parent for being unable to provide for him if I didn’t travel.

Of course you’re not a bad parent for that!! My eldest is nearly 5, youngest is 18 months, two separate nights away in that time. Once for a concert in London and once for an anniversary night away. Oh and one hospital stay for me of a week, but the children were with my husband, of course. We have very little in the way of familial support!

I’ve had 3 nights away in ten years. And they’ve been with friends. We don’t have anyone to have the kids so DH and I cant go away together.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences💐

Maybe a couple of times a year, perhaps 1 girls trip and 1 work trip, never had a night away with DH though 😂 DH probably the same, a stag do here and there

Not had a single night without my children in 10 years

Oh for goodness sake! I had my first night away from DD when she was about ten. Not at all through choice, and I would absolutely say its better for kids to have a mother with full sense of self and a life of her own.

Me and my partner are having our first night away from our 4 year old twins next month. I cannot wait! If people offered more then I’d gladly have child free nights regularly. But no one offers and we feel bad asking so it doesn’t happen. Myself and my partner just go out with friends every couple of months or so. But we come home to the kiddies so we never get to let loose really.

My kids stay at Grandma’s about twice a week, and she begs me to have them more. It’s fabulous and I have absolutely no guilt.

Not many! We don’t have any childcare options - she’s had a few sleepovers now she’s getting older.

One night a month when child stays with my sister. I'm a lone parent though so there are no other nights off at all. My child doesn't love going and would rather be at home, but frankly I need it for my sanity.

Every few months from birth we had a great time and relatives got to spoil them no idea why this would be an issue for others it is not a race to the bottom and there was no need for us to whinge how tired or stressed we were and then do nothing about it

DH and I didn't go away together at all until the DC were 20,18 and 17. We didn't have anyone to leave them with when they were younger and TBH we didn't really want to go away without them. We both went away individually with friends and on work trips so it's not as if we didn't have lives outside the family.

We had no one to leave them with. But had plenty of nights away individually with friends.

I remember having only one overnight stay as a couple (local spa hotel).

Otherwise not ‘away’, but recovering from surgery with bad timing of DH away, DM looked after DC for a few nights so I could rest.

Otherwise DC have stayed with close family (our parents) during some of the school holidays due to work commitments, not because of going away ourselves.

I didn’t see your other thread, but despite the above (1 night over more years) wouldn’t consider 4 nights in 4 years excessive.

You should do what feels right for you. We're all different. Surely factors to consider is preparing the children, their level of understanding and who looks after them, the bond with who watches them and keeping to routine. Some seem to have little opportunity to go away child free whilst some may not feel comfortable with leaving the children.

Oh gosh. I’m a terrible mum by your post. I’m away overnight soon for 3 nights for work. I’m away Sunday night on a spa break with my mum. Oh and I’m heading away for 10 days on a girls holiday. 4 year old will be with DH. DH and I also had 3 nights away without 4 year old in May this year.

Conversely I’m taking DS abroad without DH for a half term to visit family.

Ive never felt bad about it because DS has a dad and lots of family support. It doesn’t seem to upset DS if I go away. He’s happy and content.

I think it just depends on your child and family situation, what support you have and if your child is comfortable. I know I’m a happier and better mummy by taking some time away and not forgetting who I am outside of being a mum.

1 night in 6 years

My DD6, 4 and 1 sleep in my parents house once a week. The youngest has only been going for the last few months until we finished BF.

My parents beg for them to stay and listen ask for them for more than one night. The girls absolutely love going over. We see my parents most days anyway but we are all very close.

Sonetimes we go away for a night, sometimes we have dinner, sometimes we just chill at home. This weekend we are building Lego together! It works really well for us!

We go out out every other week but the kids are asleep so makes no difference. Stay somewhere overnight maybe once every 2 months. No shame, no regrets

Through choice?

I’ve been torn apart for various reasons

No-one 'tore you apart' for having 4 weekends away.

Overwhelmingly (until you had the thread pulled) people said you were being very unreasonable to expect the Grandparents to stop doing something very important to them, because they were doing you the favour of looking after your 2 small dc whilst you were having a weekend away.
It was the fact you were trying to dictate to them what they could or couldn't do that most posters disagreed with.

No-one said you were a bad parent for having a weekend away with your dh.

Some of us said you were incredibly lucky to have Grandparents who were fit enough to look after 2 such small children throughout the days and nights you were away and perhaps should appreciate that rather than criticising the way the Grandparents live their lives.

When my older two were that age, we had had one night away, for a wedding that was someone close to us. But I don't criticise people who are able to have more - they are just really fortunate, and should appreciate that rather than criticising the Grandparents.