19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

do you know what just fuck off!
he's in a relationship- his girlfriend says she's on the pill- why shouldn't he believe her- do you actually live in the real world I loathe the piety on MN regarding sex and contraception.
She was probably erratic in taking the pill- and that's being generous-she could have an abortion- she's obviously from a ridiculously immature family that is encouraging a rubbish situation
He's 19 - he had sex- he thought she was on the pill- his life has now got immeasurably harder as has hers- silly girl

Well, your son is a fool. Not wearing a condom is peak stupidity.

If he doesn’t want this baby he needs to make it clear from the outset she can apply for CMS but that’s it.

Why don't you fuck off?

Condoms exist.

So, that post you replied to referred to the girlfriend as a “girl”. A person who made the decision to deceive someone she was in a relationship with. Yet, you decided to overlook that and repeat your distaste for the use of the word “boy”. Not biased at all.

PS. She is “low calibre” because of her behaviour.

Your son will have to meet his legal obligations as regards maintenance if the child is his. But there is no reason why this needs to interrupt his career plans. It sounds as if her family has taken over so let them get on with it

Your title should read

19 YEAR OLD SON GOT GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT.

Have you or his father actually talked to him about contraception, condoms, safe sex, pregnancies and STI’s?

Very easy for you to blame his girlfriend. You do know that a woman can only get pregnant 12 times a year, but a man can get a woman pregnant 365 days a year. If he is having sex without a condom, then he is planning a child.

I have drilled this into my DSs. Every parent should.

Did he announce he was fertile to her too or did he omit that information? Why do you expect the woman to announce if she is fertile and not the man? I think if he didn't say I am fertile tonight love, every single time then he is also misleading her by not telling her? Right?

What you mean is that he failed to control his penis and wants to blame her and make out like she is the bad guy when he failed to stop the pregnancy. What was the reason why he didn't use a condom?

None...and that is his choice and now he deals with the consequence of HIS actions.

I think he should be very clear about what he wants and what that means. If he wants her to have a termination he should tell her unequivocally that is his view. Ultimately it is her choice but he will not be her boyfriend any more if she forces him to have a child he doesn't want and isn't ready for. She should not rely on him moving in with her or caring for the baby. He will pay the money he has to pay but that's it. And see what she says. Ultimately though I'd be encouraging him, if she does go ahead, to make sure he pushes forward with his career as it is in everyone's best interests, but making time for the baby around that and being a good dad. Even if in a more limited way.

Also is he 100% sure she is pregnant and not lying? Or as PPs said it is his baby?

He is 19, and she agreed to have sex with him.

Horny young men would shag a bollard if you put a dress on it.

He's not trapped - he doesn't need to stay with his child's mother - although he does need to financially support his child.

It's very unfortunate, but for him to date a young woman who has she has said she never wants to work, whose whole family doesn't work, and who is irresponsible (having three large dogs and 15 ferrets despite not working), he's clearly not very sensible himself.

This is why everyone should take responsibility for their own contraception if they are opposed to having a child - especially men, who have no say in whether a pregnancy continues (as they shouldn't - it's the woman's body and her choice). After all, even if she had been on the pill, that's no guarantee a mishap wouldn't have happened.

He's learnt a very hard lesson about responsibility, and dating someone with similar values. I hope it all turns out as well as possible. Who knows, perhaps she'll be a great mother, and he'll love being a young dad.

The dress isn't required 😂

He won't be her boyfriend anyway after this, surely, if he thinks she has tricked him into conceiving a child and he tells her he wants her to abort the pregnancy against her will. It's not much of a relationship.

“Lying is wrong. But if you can manipulate someone into believing multiple lies then fAiR eNoUgH.”

Nah.

Yes this. I find these threads bizarre in that the portrayal of sex without a condom is something of an aberration rather than the norm. Calling it 'bareback sex' as if its got a special name. No, its just sex

I dont actually like condoms, I never use them, never have used them. I also have PCOS and was a bit ropey with the pill pre menopause.

I can imagine a thread where an OP says that her boyfriend keeps using condoms even though she is on the pill because he doesnt trust her. That would go down well Im sure.

Yes, he is. Whether or not you are too biased and spiteful to see it is really not relevant.

Using a condom doesn’t just protect against unwanted pregnancy, @Newsenmum - it’s important that men protect themselves against STDs too.

Using a condom means that the man is taking equal responsibility for contraception - which he should be doing - no method is 100% reliable, so a belt and braces approach is sensible.

My first thought is that they are both idiots.
Condoms (always) if your a man who does not yet want children. Regardless of whether a girlfriend says they are on the pill or not. Don't trust anyone else with something that impacts the rest of your life.
Shes equally to 'blame' . Why would she want to be stuck with a baby at her age- she should also have taken contraception seriously.
Her mother sounds crazy, who buys all that stuff during the first trimester.
I'd personally be devastated in this situation too. But it is happening, so all you can do is help your ds navigate it.

My absolutely worst nightmare. I am so, so sorry. You can try and warn and educate your sons as much as possible but it only takes one night.

19 was young to be a parent when we were young, nowadays, it’s hard to comprehend.

I don’t think there’s any worth in dwelling on any ideas that it was planned and the girlfriend wanted a way out of work. It’ll just make you more upset. Your son is working for 3 now. I think the best thing you can do is getting him acclimatised to the idea that his life as he knew it is over.

Parenting in a loving, healthy marriage is hard enough. Co-parenting in a toxic relationship like this will be extremely difficult, and this mistake will affect every aspect of the rest of his life. Every job, every weekend, every future relationship. The sooner he comes to terms with this, the sooner he can start to grow positively.

Wishing you both all the best.

What would anyone want or need with 15 ferrets? What sort of family is this, they all sound batshit. Not a class issue, but they all sound a bit lacking to me.

Arent people usually falling over themselves to say that big men and women like this at 19 dont even have a fully developed brain so arent really responsible for things they do?

A condom on his stiffened penis may have prevented this outcome.

If she’s trapped him or not ultimately it’s your son’s fault as well for not wearing a conform regardless of what she said or didn’t say. You’re blaming the girl but it takes 2 to have sex!

Why don't parents teach their sons that they should always use a condoms? How entitled must you be to think that family planning is the sole responsibility of girls/women.
So what if she said she was on the pill, she didn't get herself pregnant, he did, and if he had worn a condom then the baby wouldn't exist.
If parents taught their sons basic life skills, aka how to use a condom, then none of this would be happening. Parents have really got to stop letting their sons ruin their lives and girls lives but not teaching them to keep their sperm to themselves.

Yes, I also think sex without condoms is totally the norm, in relationships. I hate them too. But I do think that if a man is really strongly opposed to the chance of an accidental child with someone, even if she's on contraception he should insist on using condoms or not having sex - or at least withdraw! (Only a 4% fail rate, so not pointless at all.)

Never mind what other people think of him for it; he'll know he's not going to get her pregnant, at least. Otherwise, a man has to accept the risk, I suppose, and step up if it happens.