19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

“He is not a boy.”

Well done on picking out a word and addressing the least important thing you could find.

“Sex carries the risk of pregnancy.”

Yes. Thank you Captain Obvious. But again, not really addressing any points that I was making.

“OP's son now has to take responsibility.”

And yet another brilliant and relevant point from Captain Obvious. I mean, it’s not as if I made a point of addressing OP about how he can still support his child while looking forward to all the things he had planned for his life.

Her body her decision.

he should have worn a condom.

And you should have advised him that many women say they have PCOS/are infertile/can't get pregnant. yes whatever. I mean have you never told him this? I have a 16 year old son and tell him many girls say oh I can't get preganant.no need to wear a condom. yeah whatever.

don't be so naive FGS. Teach your son that women say they are on the pill/can't get pregnant. It's his responsibility too. It he wanted to be sure of no pregnancy he should have used a condom.

You can't trap someine who is freely having sex...contraception is each parties responsibility

You portrayed OP's son as a victim, but he isn't.

Bareback sex on multiple occasions. It takes two to conceive.

And yes her family do sound batshit crazy and common AF. She obvs just wanted to get pregnant and her family love it. The fact your son has a good career and financial future is obvs the reason she chose him. they are not stupid. but it is what it is.

You might be annoyed now but when your grandchild is born I'm sure you will want a relationship with it, even if they are no longer together. It's not good to alienate her as she is your grandchild's mother so make it your business to get on with her.

You can’t baby trap a responsible man. You should have taught your son that every time you have sex you risk getting pregnant, no matter how slim. Lots of people who are told they have a low chance of fertility conceive.

What she told him is irrelevant, he should have always worn a condom if he didn’t want a baby. He’s foolish, not a victim and you telling him otherwise won’t help him.

Time to teach him to step up and take responsibility for his actions.

Well, clearly OP's son likes common families.

If he's stepping into bed with his girlfriend and having unprotected sex consistently, her class is clearly not an issue.

Totally agree with this

Yes, my ex partner's sister did this in her teens. She was in a relationship with a young student and got pregnant again having already had a termination, she wanted him to marry her, but it was ludicrous, they were only about 19. She claimed the pill didn't work as she had a stomach upset, was on antibiotics, etc etc. He was an irresponsible idiot to get her pregnant twice, but there was definitely an element of entrapment. Bottom line is, some women just aren't to be trusted; they exploit men's distaste for condoms. His parents were very against the idea of marriage and insisted that he no longer saw her, though he always paid maintenance for their child. She met someone else and had another two children in quick succession, another sucker who fell for her 'contraceptive fail' nonsense!

While I do feel this guy's parents were very callous - he should have had some kind of relationship with his child - I can understand their wariness and alarm. If your son stays with this girl and doesn't take responsibility for birth control, chances are this will not be the last 'accidental' pregnancy. Whatever the child maintenance hit is, it will not be as painful as being trapped in a relationship with a manipulator.

Oh do fuck off. I asked politely, she replied politely. I realised I read that the girlfriend was 19.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

OP I was in this situation and now have a 7 year old GC who me and DH absolutely adore. It’s been bloody difficult but we have always supported DS whilst ensuring he paid CM. It’s not going to be easy if he does become a dad, but what I would say to you is try to be in your GC’s life. I’m so sorry: its dead hard and I don’t think people fully understand until or unless it happens to them. Ignore the judgy comments.

Hi op. I was the 19 year old girl in this scenario. I'm telling you from experience, if you want any sort of loving relationship with your grandchild then back the fuck off now, stop criticising everything your son's girlfriend does, and remember however hard you are finding this, the parents involved have a lot more to wrap their heads around. They need you to be supportive, to tell them they can do this, it's going to be hard but you have their back. Your son needs a job, his girlfriend needs to think properly about practicalities like if she's going back into education and how to fund it, does she have a job? They need to look into benefits etc.

My ex's mum was a passive aggressive bitch and we never got on. It only hurt her relationship with my daughter and my co-parenting relationship with her son in the end. Don't do that to yourself, your son and your grandchild.

Yes this, I can imagine how you feel OP but he should have ensured protection if he didnt want a child. Very sad all round.

Why does support only work if it’s agreeing the low calibre girl is at fault and not the poor man boy?

i bet he wears a seatbelt in a car and doesn’t choose to rely on only the person driving breaking ability and the airbags to keep him protected.

Your son's girlfriend didn't tell him that she'd ran out of her contraceptive pills, so hadn't been taking them. That's lying. She also told him that she couldn't have children. Clearly that's a lie too, because here she is pregnant. Your son chose to believe his girlfriend, why wouldn't he.

Unfortunately, it's a harsh lesson to learn, that not all women are honest and will lie. For that simple reason, he needs to make sure he uses a condom, regardless what a woman tells him.

Yes, it does look as if your son's girlfriend deliberately set the stage to increase the chances of her becoming pregnant.

If his girlfriend wants to keep the baby, then that decision is completely out of his hands. He can't force her to have a termination. Your son is going to become a Dad, so yes, he needs to step up and be the very best Dad he can be. He doesn't have to stay in a relationship with his girlfriend if he doesn't want too. However, he does need to offer emotional support during the pregnancy/birth and work out a way to co-parent amicably. He will need to financially support his child.

All you can do is give your son support. What his girlfriend's family are doing, is no real concern of yours.

Well, it's easier to blame the woman, isn't it?

She's low-calibre, after all. I forget; OP's son is just a boy.

Having sex is a joint decision, and both men and women have the ability to take steps to limit the likelihood of pregnancy, but choosing whether to keep a pregnancy is solely the woman's choice. It's her body and the baby already exists. She chooses whether she's willing to house it until it's ready to live on its own.

I feel for your son, he made a daft mistake by not wearing a condom (regardless of whether she said she was on the pill) but he's young and it happens. Unfortunately, he now needs to deal with the consequences.

Is there a reason this needs to derail his career goals? Is he planning to do something that would completely prevent him from being a dad or can you help him find a way to manage both sets of responsibilities?

She may well be awful, but your son had opportunities to see her for who she is (someone who doesn't want to work and is spoiled by her family) and consider whether the risk was worth it. Even if she had been on the pill, surprise pregnancies can happen.

If he doesn't want to stay in the relationship, he should tell her that now. He doesn't (and shouldn't) get a say in whether or not she keeps her child, but he doesn't have to continue their romantic relationship.

It's done now so try not to say anything they can hold against you after your DH is born. You know your DS should have used a condom. He'll have to financially support his baby for 18 years whether he wants to continue in the relationship or not. I'd ask for a DNA test after baby is born.

Yes, because real life is nuanced. More than one thing can be true simultaneously.
OPs son is a victim of manipulation and deceit. It’s inexcusable, and his exploitative (hopefully ex) girlfriend has behaved horrendously. At the same time, the victim, as a result of this exploitation has fathered an innocent child and he will need to provide for and support him/her.

Yes, it takes two to conceive a child, but it takes one to lie and wreak havoc on another persons life.

No, he isn't a victim.

I agree that contraception should be used, but it’s totally unfair to lay the blame entirely on men/boys. It takes two to tangle.

Sounds like a horrible situation.
but also what kind of young man is he that he found her attractive with her 3 dogs & 15 ferrets “off Facebook” and never wanting to work