19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant

[Susa1]

My 19 year old sons girlfriend is pregnant.

He called me freaking out last week soon as the test was done and said they didn’t want it then the gf goes out that day with the test and shows all her family and friends. So now they are keeping it as she’s made that decision and he hasn’t had a say. To me it’s all off she has pcos apparently and was on the pill that she ran out of and didn’t want to speak to a doctor as she doesn’t like speaking to people. Yet now she’s gong to have to with pregnancy. Her mum went out that day of finding out and bought all pink baby toys as she her words hopes for a girl and is buying a pram this week of finding out after a few days late with her period. Am I being wrong here or is the way they have handled it crazy?

Yes I wanted better for my son he has just started a pathway to a great career and almost driving his life was on the up. His gf has never worked or has any interest in doing so and this concerns me as I want my son to have a good life not struggle.

Given we're animals that are essentially driven by sex, it would be very unrealistic to expect this as a strategy.

Huh?
She was very likely not naive. She stopped taking her contraception and deceived him. Was HE naive in believing another person and relying on their honesty for something so important - very. And he is facing the consequences of that naivety, there is no need for anyone here to make unnecessary, spiteful comments on top. It’s also funny that the person who lied, is excused as being naive, inexperienced, just a teenager, and simply uneducated - meanwhile the person who has been manipulated receives no sympathy whatsoever, only harsh words, from the very same people.

Who was dictating what others should buy?

And when did I suggest that merely buying things was treating the child like a doll? Why do people pretend to take such basic and superficial interpretation from other people’s words? There’s no way you thought I was saying that buying things for a baby is treating them like a doll.

No it isn't. If it was you wouldn't be able to 'understand' why men lie and walk away leaving a child they created to suffer the financial consequences. Its the men you feel sorry for.

Condoms & femidoms.

Simple solutions for simple scenarios.

She planned it. I have PCOS no way would I have expected pregnancy this early.

It’s just really simple. Every boy is taught about contraception and to wear a condom. What the girl says is just totally irrelevant - even if she was on the pill it’s not 100% safe. He has two choices now: (1) walk away from his child and just pay the bare minimum financial contributions, or (2) do the decent thing and parent his child.

If this attempt at logic rang true (it doesn't) it wouldn't have mattered whether or not the girl was on the pill because OP's son is an animal who can't control his urges and he would have slept with her anyway.

Agree.
The message in my home, and I have boys and girls, has always been about respectful and responsible sex. Respect for self AND the person you are having sex with. Protection is crucial to both, especially when young and in newish relationships. Condoms protect both parties, who also need to be aware of the health implications of unsafe sex. Respect and responsibility (condoms, condoms, condoms) should be a life long conversation, age appropriate of course, but a foundation, or starting point.

This is not about some young woman 'trapping' the poor, innocent young man. This is about a teenager obviously not learning that lesson. Anyone trying to convince themselves it's about 'trust', don't bother. It really isn't. That's just the easiest justification for not ensuring both parties are protected.

All those who whine about their poor sons and the evil temptresses who made them compromise their future by convincing them that a condom is not required, surely should realise that it is ALWAYS up to the man whether a pregnancy is the end result. Dumb and selfish choices don't change that 🤷‍♀️

Yes, no one ever had unprotected sex before the age of internet porn.

Except that we have reason and can exercise self control and walk away, even if it's hard.

Hmmm. You see, I’m capable of setting aside my rutting inner chimp and saying no to sex when I’m not happy with the conditions under which the sex is proposed to happen. I don’t believe I’m unique in this. I also think men are capable of it, and that to suggest they’re not is to excuse bad behaviour that isn’t biologically inevitable but which they choose to engage in. Perhaps I have a higher opinion of the male sex than I thought/ought!

If men really are so animalistic perhaps it’s time they were stopped from having quite so much power . . 😂

"But she told my son she was on the pill"

You just have to laugh.

As is the girl. Im talking about all humans, not just male humans. Strange you would see it that way. Her basic need is to procreate, its all she has clearly. So thats what she set out to do.

@Susa1 I haven't read full thread but don't panic just yet.

My DS went through similar, the girl and her mum were absolute nutters. We took the girl at face value to begin with, weren't pleased about it but took the view it was done. Had a sit down civilised conversation etc

Then the mum booked an early scan and whatsapped a questionable photo of said scan, then they apparently had been shopping for baby clothes and of course there was "daddy's little angel" or whatever it said - they weren't new and we suspected the mum had kept them from her last child who was around 5/6

It was weird, the mum was totally encouraging it then came the 12 week scan and a miscarriage.

Oh and the mum phoned to tell me on DS birthday and the miscarriage came on boxing day.

It was just weird and alarm bells were ringing.

Turns out the girl had done this before.

Well he is going to struggle because he will be paying for everything, and yes she sounds like a nighrmare but its her body so her decision, he should have used condoms if he didnt want a baby

And calling it that simply fetishises it. Its sex. End of.

But you can never really know whether they'll be on the same page once they become pregnant. Certainly not enough to negate the risk of funding a child you never wanted for two decades at a time when you're trying to find your footing in the world.

I've less sympathy for young men that have unprotected casual sex and then cry about the consequences, but it's an entirely different dynamic when in a relationship and you've both agreed you don't want kids and that the pill will be your chosen method of contraception.

People on here are always very unsympathetic towards the male and the female usually doesn't get much flak. If the poster were a woman who'd agreed to give up her career to be a SAHM and was then left high and dry by her partner who'd clearly lied all along the bloke would be branded a complete arsehole. There'd defo be some comments about how it's best to stay financially independent/not rely on a man, but people wouldn't be blaming the OP and being so callous.

Well, quite. The last time I saw this argument deployed was in a discussion about why men can’t help but rape. (Though I’m sure the poster would never suggest that men will inevitably rape because they’re slaves to biological wiring that makes it impossible to resist.) Men can say no to sex, and certainly to protect themselves from unwanted consequences. The fact that they often don’t is nothing to do with biology and everything to do with society and attitudes.

Wrong.

No, it doesn't fetishise it.

Yes it is a joint decision which is why he should have put something on the end of it he was looking for pleasure rather than being an adult

More fool them.

Exactly, and I've taught my sons that even if they agree on what will happen with a pregnancy beforehand, the woman might feel differently if it actually happens and make a different decision. Whether he wants the baby, or not. I sometimes wonder if people are failing to teach their sons these basic facts.

Why are you focusing on men here? Humans are both sexes. Do you assume women dont want sex for some reason?

This place is a joke 😂
Imagine reporting my post because I told someone to stop trying to bicker with me about irrelevant shit, and address the things I actually said.
And a mod - on a site for grown ups - actually removing it.

OP, don’t waste your time and energy on people who can’t stop themselves from making callous, knee-jerk comments about your son.
Support him in pursuing all the plans he dreamed for his future. Help him see that being duped doesn’t have to derail his future and this doesn’t need to hold him back.
At the end of it all, she was silly and has fucked herself over but he can still live his best life and be successful, whilst being a supportive and loving father.

I think you are being very harsh. He is very young, his girlfriend told him that she was taking the pill and OP is understandably worried about the implications for him. It must be a dreadful shock for them.