Looking for some advice or opinions.
Started dating my boyfriend at the start of the year, we both have daughters of a similar age 7/8. We waited about 5/6 months before introducing them. I was a bit concerned about introducing my daughter, she’s very confident and outgoing, can be sassy but generally is very friendly. He told me his daughter was a dream and would be thrilled to meet me and my daughter, but that doesn’t really seem to be the case in my opinion.
When we first met the first thing his daughter said to me was that she thought I was one of his past girlfriends as we looked the same, I was a bit taken aback by this but just laughed it off. Since then every time we’ve met she’s talked about his ex girlfriend's, compared me to them, talked about the time they spent together. In the end I asked him to speak to her as it was making me feel uncomfortable. One time she told me she didn’t think I should be with him as her dad was a bad boyfriend and all his other partners had left him because of this.
Our children also don’t get on well, they start off ok but it always descends into an argument. They seem to have a disagreement about something and it becomes nasty, the nastiness usually initiated by his daughter. I know this because I’ve heard it. She’s made fun of my daughter because of her weight and also told her they aren’t really friends and are only together because her dad and I are together. This obviously upset my daughter as although they fight she does genuinely enjoy spending time with her. I’ve also heard his daughter say that she doesn’t actually want to spend time with my daughter, this was during an argument when they were getting told off.
I’ve spoke to my partner about some things and generally he goes on the defensive and says my daughter starts it and then his daughter gets in trouble for taking it too far, so she’s always in trouble. I’m not saying my daughter isn’t responsible for starting some arguments but it’s definitely not something we have witnessed, these are just his opinions. I’ve also asked him if he’s asked if she wants to spend time with us, or once again he does on the defence saying she does but I can’t help but think that her behaviour says otherwise.
We've recently spent the weekend together and it went quite badly. His family were there so we thought it would be better, more adults around and would break the time up a bit. While we were there I witness his child getting in trouble pretty much constantly, winding up the animals, winding up her cousin, generally misbehaving, ruining games for everyone. Once again I am aware that my daughter was probably behaving more as we weren’t with our own family but I was shocked how bad it was.
My partner seems to be oblivious to a lot of the things going on. Or maybe he just doesn’t think they are bad? I don’t know. He is a bit of a wind up himself so maybe he doesn’t see how bad she is at times. He has previously said he thinks I expect too much from my daughter and expect her to behave perfectly. I just feel like I’m losing my mind, we’ve agreed to keep them a part for a while but then what? We eventually want to move in and have another child but I don’t see how that’s ever going to work as we stand now. I know they aren’t children forever and hopefully things will improve as they get older. But to me he doesn’t seem to be addressing the issues, or parenting her at all at times.